What would you do?

Debbie,

I agree that once a gift is given, the recipiant (I know it's not
spelled right) is free to do as they please with it. This is why when
I give handmade stuff, quilts included, there is one string attached:

If you EVER think of getting rid of it, give it back.

Either tell your MIL exactly how much her cost to make in time,
materials, etc.

Or

You could just tell her to stuff it and direct her to mass produced
quilts made overseas. She will get what she paid for

Either way, talk to your DH about it. If he even has an inkling of the
time and effort involved and knows your MIL is getting rid of the one
you made her, he better side with you on this. If he doesn't let me
know. I will come by if I'm ever in the area and beat some sense into
his skull for you. :-)

Jenn in CA

PS It doesn't sound like she is taking very good care of the one she
gave you. Given the quality of fabric most of us use for this hobby,
it shouldn't have faded after less than a year. My DH has one that
goes EVERYWHERE with him (try packing a queen size quilt for a cruise
:-) and hasn't yet faded and it's two years old - the fabric is 3 years
old. And I'm pretty sure I don't take good care of it. :-)


Debbie wrote:
Hi all,

Just thought I'd get some opinions on a problem that has come up.

When people find out you make quilts they all want one. Problem is, I don't
mind making relatives one for free, but my MIL has asked me to make her
bosses one each (she has two bosses) for Christmas. She says she will pay me
for it. If I charged by the time and effort I put into it, she couldn't pay
me for it. I know she's thinking $20-50.

Another thing that has irked me is that I made my MIL one in January and she
informed me (the same day she asked me to make her bosses one and to make
her a bedspread and matching shams for her bed) that she is going to put the
one I made for her in January in a yard sale. I said, "Don't sell it in a
yard sale, I'll buy it back." And she said, "Well, it's faded."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How do I get across to her that this stuff takes a lot of time??? She told
me that making quilts for people at Christmas was a *cheap* way to give
presents, too. I don't think she is trying to be mean, but she has no idea
the time and effort that goes into this stuff. Hubby has somewhat of an
idea of how much time and effort I put into it, but he is real protective of
his mother, so I have to approach this delicately. LOL

Thanks for any help and advice you can give me.

Debbie

Debbie,

I agree that once a gift is given, the recipiant (I know it's not
spelled right) is free to do as they please with it. This is why when
I give handmade stuff, quilts included, there is one string attached:

If you EVER think of getting rid of it, give it back.

Yes, I will start telling them that.


Either tell your MIL exactly how much her cost to make in time,
materials, etc.

Or

You could just tell her to stuff it and direct her to mass produced
quilts made overseas. She will get what she paid for

AAmen


Either way, talk to your DH about it. If he even has an inkling of the
time and effort involved and knows your MIL is getting rid of the one
you made her, he better side with you on this. If he doesn't let me
know. I will come by if I'm ever in the area and beat some sense into
his skull for you. :-)

LOL. I think I luv you.


Jenn in CA

PS It doesn't sound like she is taking very good care of the one she
gave you. Given the quality of fabric most of us use for this hobby,
it shouldn't have faded after less than a year. My DH has one that
goes EVERYWHERE with him (try packing a queen size quilt for a cruise
:-) and hasn't yet faded and it's two years old - the fabric is 3 years
old. And I'm pretty sure I don't take good care of it. :-)

Well, I bought the material from JoAnns, not Wal-Mart, so I don't how it
could have faded enough to where she finds it not good enough to display or
use. grrrrrrrrr

I just saw it about a month ago and it looked the same to me! Just hurt my
feelings that something I considered so valuable and loving is tossed into a
yard sale for pennies, ya know? When I gave it to her I told her it was made
with love especially for her. Oh well.

Debbie

Debbie wrote:

Hi all,

Just thought I'd get some opinions on a problem that has come up.

When people find out you make quilts they all want one. Problem is, I don't
mind making relatives one for free, but my MIL has asked me to make her
bosses one each (she has two bosses) for Christmas. She says she will pay me
for it. If I charged by the time and effort I put into it, she couldn't pay
me for it. I know she's thinking $20-50.

Another thing that has irked me is that I made my MIL one in January and she
informed me (the same day she asked me to make her bosses one and to make
her a bedspread and matching shams for her bed) that she is going to put the
one I made for her in January in a yard sale. I said, "Don't sell it in a
yard sale, I'll buy it back." And she said, "Well, it's faded."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How do I get across to her that this stuff takes a lot of time??? She told
me that making quilts for people at Christmas was a *cheap* way to give
presents, too. I don't think she is trying to be mean, but she has no idea
the time and effort that goes into this stuff. Hubby has somewhat of an
idea of how much time and effort I put into it, but he is real protective of
his mother, so I have to approach this delicately. LOL

Thanks for any help and advice you can give me.

Debbie


I am always being asked to make quilts for this person or that person.
And I hate even worse being volunteered to make one for someone or an
occasion without being asked.
So over the years I have found that what works best for me is to be
as direct as possible.
A friend of mine just 'tried' to volunteer me to make several quilts
for her in-laws for this holiday season. She made the bigger mistake of
volunteering me in front of them as if it was a done deal. That evening
after everyone left I called her aside and let her know that I had
several quilts already that I would be working on for the holidays for
my grandchildren and it would be impossible for me to add any more. I
put it back in her court to tell her in-laws that I was not available
for their quilt needs/wants. I then asked her to 'try' not doing this
again. (I know she will though, it is just her nature).
When it comes to someone asking me to make a quilt for them any more
I tell them that they must buy all the materials in advance. This
includes, thread, fabrics, bindings, and batting. Then I let them know
that I charge $5.00 per block for my labor. When I tell people this
most often they get the message that my quilts that are given as gifts
are a labor of love. If they want me to make a quilt for someone else
they know to pay up front and I will gladly do a quilt that they too can
give as a labor of love to someone.
Everyone in my very large family has received a gift quilt from me,
some more than one and all of them appreciate the time and expense that
goes into these special gifts now.
Being direct with someone (MIL) doesn't need to be hurtful. Just when
someone has no idea of what is involved they cannot appreciate your
labor of love.
julia

In article ,
Kate Dicey wrote:

Debbie wrote:
Hi all,

Just thought I'd get some opinions on a problem that has come up.

When people find out you make quilts they all want one. Problem is, I don't
mind making relatives one for free, but my MIL has asked me to make her
bosses one each (she has two bosses) for Christmas. She says she will pay
me
for it. If I charged by the time and effort I put into it, she couldn't pay
me for it. I know she's thinking $20-50.

Another thing that has irked me is that I made my MIL one in January and
she
informed me (the same day she asked me to make her bosses one and to make
her a bedspread and matching shams for her bed) that she is going to put
the
one I made for her in January in a yard sale. I said, "Don't sell it in a
yard sale, I'll buy it back." And she said, "Well, it's faded."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How do I get across to her that this stuff takes a lot of time??? She told
me that making quilts for people at Christmas was a *cheap* way to give
presents, too. I don't think she is trying to be mean, but she has no idea
the time and effort that goes into this stuff. Hubby has somewhat of an
idea of how much time and effort I put into it, but he is real protective
of
his mother, so I have to approach this delicately. LOL

Thanks for any help and advice you can give me.

Debbie


I'd just tell her straight: You need to take more care of things that
cost $X00 in materials and take 40-50 hours to make. Then just leave
it. Once you give someone something, it's theirs to do with as they
will. But you don't ever need to make her anything again.

As for the boss quilts: sit down with her, pick out 3-4 patterns and
cost them up in materials. Tell her: This will cost you $X00 in
materials, and will take me 45 hours to make at $Z0 an hour, for a total
cost of $Y000. Each! If she squawks about the costs, just agree and
ask her just how much she loves those bosses! If she tells you you are
being mercenary, just say: For *you*, as a present from me for you to
keep, I make for love. For anyone else, and for you to give to others I
don't know and love, I charge the going rate. And then let her think
about it.


Kate has said it well. I agree -- she's your MIL and you love her, but
that doesn't mean you're eager to do all of her Christmas-gift making
for her when she doesn't value what you've made for her.
--
Sandy in Henderson, near Las Vegas
my ISP is earthlink.net -- put sfoster1(at) in front
http://home.earthlink.net/~sfoster1

AKA Dame Sandy, Minister of Education

Kate has said it well. I agree -- she's your MIL and you love her, but
that doesn't mean you're eager to do all of her Christmas-gift making
for her when she doesn't value what you've made for her.
--
Sandy in Henderson, near Las Vegas
my ISP is earthlink.net -- put sfoster1(at) in front
http://home.earthlink.net/~sfoster1

AKA Dame Sandy, Minister of Education

Thank you, Sandy. You've said exactly how I feel.

Debbie

Another alternative that might help solve both issues with MIL ---

Assuming you live near each other,
Tell her politely that you have quilts to work on for family but that
you'd love to teach *her* how to make quilts for her bosses and take
her on as a student -- she makes the quilts for her bosses while you
make the other quilts you need to.....

*she* puts in the time, energy, and $.....if she goes for being a
student, I bet she gets a whole new appreciation for the one you made
her....who knows, maybe you'll also develop a new common interest.

Tricia

Jenn in CA wrote:
Debbie,

I agree that once a gift is given, the recipiant (I know it's not
spelled right) is free to do as they please with it. This is why when
I give handmade stuff, quilts included, there is one string attached:

If you EVER think of getting rid of it, give it back.

Either tell your MIL exactly how much her cost to make in time,
materials, etc.

Or

You could just tell her to stuff it and direct her to mass produced
quilts made overseas. She will get what she paid for

Either way, talk to your DH about it. If he even has an inkling of the
time and effort involved and knows your MIL is getting rid of the one
you made her, he better side with you on this. If he doesn't let me
know. I will come by if I'm ever in the area and beat some sense into
his skull for you. :-)

Jenn in CA

PS It doesn't sound like she is taking very good care of the one she
gave you. Given the quality of fabric most of us use for this hobby,
it shouldn't have faded after less than a year. My DH has one that
goes EVERYWHERE with him (try packing a queen size quilt for a cruise
:-) and hasn't yet faded and it's two years old - the fabric is 3 years
old. And I'm pretty sure I don't take good care of it. :-)


Debbie wrote:
Hi all,

Just thought I'd get some opinions on a problem that has come up.

When people find out you make quilts they all want one. Problem is, I don't
mind making relatives one for free, but my MIL has asked me to make her
bosses one each (she has two bosses) for Christmas. She says she will pay me
for it. If I charged by the time and effort I put into it, she couldn't pay
me for it. I know she's thinking $20-50.

Another thing that has irked me is that I made my MIL one in January and she
informed me (the same day she asked me to make her bosses one and to make
her a bedspread and matching shams for her bed) that she is going to put the
one I made for her in January in a yard sale. I said, "Don't sell it in a
yard sale, I'll buy it back." And she said, "Well, it's faded."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How do I get across to her that this stuff takes a lot of time??? She told
me that making quilts for people at Christmas was a *cheap* way to give
presents, too. I don't think she is trying to be mean, but she has no idea
the time and effort that goes into this stuff. Hubby has somewhat of an
idea of how much time and effort I put into it, but he is real protective of
his mother, so I have to approach this delicately. LOL

Thanks for any help and advice you can give me.

Debbie

I am always being asked to make quilts for this person or that person. And
I hate even worse being volunteered to make one for someone or an occasion
without being asked.
So over the years I have found that what works best for me is to be as
direct as possible.
A friend of mine just 'tried' to volunteer me to make several quilts for
her in-laws for this holiday season. She made the bigger mistake of
volunteering me in front of them as if it was a done deal. That evening
after everyone left I called her aside and let her know that I had several
quilts already that I would be working on for the holidays for my
grandchildren and it would be impossible for me to add any more. I put it
back in her court to tell her in-laws that I was not available for their
quilt needs/wants. I then asked her to 'try' not doing this again. (I
know she will though, it is just her nature).
When it comes to someone asking me to make a quilt for them any more I
tell them that they must buy all the materials in advance. This includes,
thread, fabrics, bindings, and batting. Then I let them know that I
charge $5.00 per block for my labor. When I tell people this most often
they get the message that my quilts that are given as gifts are a labor of
love. If they want me to make a quilt for someone else they know to pay
up front and I will gladly do a quilt that they too can give as a labor of
love to someone.
Everyone in my very large family has received a gift quilt from me, some
more than one and all of them appreciate the time and expense that goes
into these special gifts now.
Being direct with someone (MIL) doesn't need to be hurtful. Just when
someone has no idea of what is involved they cannot appreciate your labor
of love.
julia

That's exactly right, Julia. I've got aunts, a sister and sisters-in-law on
both sides to do quilts for and I haven't even done one for my kids or
husband yet. I am working on the daughters now, but.....

I work and was going to try to go to back to school full time this year.
It's not like I have all the time in the world to just spit out these
quilts.

It is a labor of love. I had started to make myself one (I haven't even made
one for me yet) and my cousin was dying with cancer, so she got that one.

I've only made three so far and working on the fourth one and I just can't
do it all by Christmas. If I get em all done by this time next year I'll be
happy!!

I never knew this would snowball like this.

Debbie

Another alternative that might help solve both issues with MIL ---

Assuming you live near each other,
Tell her politely that you have quilts to work on for family but that
you'd love to teach *her* how to make quilts for her bosses and take
her on as a student -- she makes the quilts for her bosses while you
make the other quilts you need to.....

*she* puts in the time, energy, and $.....if she goes for being a
student, I bet she gets a whole new appreciation for the one you made
her....who knows, maybe you'll also develop a new common interest.

Tricia

Jenn in CA wrote:

We live about a minute apart. LOL. Jen this is too funny. She would not
take the time and effort or money to do this. I better shut up now before my
horns start popping out!

Debbie

Debbie wrote:


She told
me that making quilts for people at Christmas was a *cheap* way to give
presents, too.

While it wasn't about quilts, it was about plastic canvas projects,
cross stitch, and art work,
My stepmother pulled a bullsh*t statement like that one time to me as a
teenager....I was always taught that a gift made was a gift truly done
with love because anyone could purchase something without giving it a
lot of thought but making something took a lot of thought and energy.
Even went so far that year as to insist on giving me $ to spend on
others for Xmas (the thought process was, take the money that would
have gone towards my Xmas gifts from her and my father and let me use
to spend on someone else -- I didn't care about whether I got something
or not but was hurt as hell at the imlication that I wasn't giving
*real* gifts).

Then, she had the audacity to say *she* was hurt when I made a comment
about how I gave her and I think my dad somethign purchased or
something similar and made other gifts because she didn't like homemade
gifts. What a _ _ _ _ _ (you fill in the letters of your choice).

Even thinking about that all these years later (I'm at least twice as
old as I was then) gets me riled and PO'd like no ones business.....

Tricia

Debbie

I have been following only some of this thread and so can
only tell you what I do.

If family ask (and they usually don't any more) I offer to
put them on the "one day" list, no specific timeframe. If
they insist they will "pay" me to make one now I smile and
say that as they are family I will only charge them cost and
$5 per hour - materials $450, thread $50, batting $50,
labour 150hours at $5 = $750. ($1300AUS is about 750EURO or
$1000US - give or take - and those amounts are VERY
conservative for a QS quilt) At this point they usually
scream that they can buy one cheaper and I suggest (very
very politely) that they go out and do so.

If "strangers" ask I simply reply that I do not make quilts
commercially/professionally.

I am NOT a professional quilter because I used to get so
angry that the time and energy, creative skills and material
costs of the things I made were constantly and grossly
undervalued by those who fancied owning a handcrafted
textile item. It is the same with most activities that are
broadly categorised as "crafts". Just consider local
markets where skilled artisans are expected to sell for the
same rates as unskilled hobbyists.

If I get cornered into making a quilt for payment I give an
estimate in hours of how long it will take - AFTER I have
taken the person asking to a quilt shop to buy all the
material for the quilt and they have seen the material cost.
That is usually enough to make them rethink the request.

I will teach people to quilt anytime, and I warn all my new
students that quilting is both addictive and expensive (time
and dollars). But I do not charge as a professional teacher
anymore - just a token amount to cover coffee, snacks,
magazine subs, tools, etc. I live in a small town that
would not support the sort of rates I was paid when teaching
in a major city in a shop, and I now do this for the joy of
teaching.

I will assist people with links to quilts for sale (and
smile inwardly at their shock over the prices).

And I will give my quilts away. But once given, I take no
issue with what they do with the item. If I see a gift
quilt being abused or unappreciated I simply make note never
to gift that person with another item that has taken me time
and effort to make.

I have been known to "trade" (or perhaps more accurately
"gift") a quilt from time to time. If someone takes the
time and effort to do something for me as a kindness I will
spare no effort to make them a quilt that I think they will
like as a gift. Jessamy mentioned garden revamp and quilt
as a possibility for her (which is closer to a "trade"), but
I also made a quilt for the man who built my house for me as
an expression of thanks for the extra effort he put in to
help me. He recently brought the quilt back to me for minor
repairs and I am sure that his beloved corgi has been
sleeping on one corner of it. I had no problem with that.
It showed that he was constantly using it, as Corgi is never
far from B's side. I am absolutely certain that he has no
idea what the quilt cost (just in dollars, forget effort)
and I will never mention it. He thinks my quilting is a
"nice little hobby" and I would not embarrass him by
reducing his quilt to a dollar value. He likes his quilt
because it is his favourite colours and because I made it.
That's enough for me.



And if MIL continues to be a pain on this subject just tell
her very sweetly that you are sure that nothing lil' ol' you
made could possibly be good enough for a special person like
her!
--

Cheryl & the Cats
_ o _ o 0 0
( Y ) ( Y ) ( Y )
~ ~ U
Enness Boofhead Donut
Starting to wake from hibernation!
http://community.webshots.com/user/witchofthewest
catsatararatATyahooDOTcomDOTau

"Debbie" wrote in message
news:dIKGg.6672$E_.3870@trnddc06...
: Whooo-hooo! LOL. That's a lot. I wish I could get that
much out of a quilt.
: I'd like to do this for a living (and make 30k a year),
but we live in a
: small town and I just don't know if it would bring that
kind of money.
:
: But that is another great suggestion -- I can send the
examples and prices
: thru e-mail and not have a confrontation!!!
:
: Bawwwccckkk, bawwwccckkk --chicken
:
: Debbie
:
:
:
: "Pat in Virginia" wrote in message
: news:RvKGg.20359$yO4.14321@dukeread02...
: Debbie:
: FIVE bucks an hour?! NO WAY!
: Figure on TEN dollars minimum.
: So, 30 x $10 = $300. Plus, $75 materials.
: (I'm including thread, batting, wear and tear on SM, new
rotary blade,
: along w/ fabric.)
: TOTAL: $375.
: Personally, I would not do it in this situation. When my
relative asked a
: similar 'favor', I sent her some URLs for "quilts for
sale" ... mostly the
: high end prices. End of discussion. LOL.
: PAT
: PS: Remember Nancy Reagan? Just say NO!
:
: Debbie wrote:
: Gosh, I feel better. I felt like a whiney butt for even
grumbling about
: it, but when she said she was going to put that one in
the yard sale and
: it isn't even a year old yet, my blood pressure hit the
roof!!! It was
: obvious she had no appreciation for my time and effort.
:
: So far I've been making wall hangings to use as throws,
they are about
: 68x68. I don't have a clue what to charge. I would
estimate about 30???
: hours to put together and stitch in the ditch and
stippling and all that
: good stuff. And maybe $30-50 for all materials.
:
: As it is, I haven't even made my sister or other
daughter or sister in
: laws one yet, and MIL wants one for complete strangers.
I can't get all
: that done before Christmas and family comes first!!! I
have no backbone
: is the problem.
:
: What wuld you all charge for a log cabin quilt that
size -- roughly? I
: was thinking $200, but that sounds like a lot. ex. 30
hours x 5.00 an
: hour + $50 in materials.
:
: Debbie
:
: