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JOKES



 
 
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  #1  
Old October 27th 04, 06:05 PM
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Anyone have a quilt-related joke I can tell tonight at guild meeting? I
always like to leave them laughing! Here'a one I cannot tell: A four
year old was examining his testicles, and asked Mama, "Are these my
brains?" Mama replied, " Not yet, honey." Nancycog in MD

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  #2  
Old October 27th 04, 07:27 PM
KJ
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My dad told me one the other day.
A guy drives down the street and see 6 naked mature women lying in the
front yard (on quilts!?) and can't believe what he saw. So he goes around
the block to take another look and sure enough! Six naked women lying in
the yard. So he asks another guy who's there what's going on. The second
guy says, "Oh they're retired prostitutes and they're having a yard sale!"



wrote in message
...
Anyone have a quilt-related joke I can tell tonight at guild meeting? I
always like to leave them laughing! Here'a one I cannot tell: A four
year old was examining his testicles, and asked Mama, "Are these my
brains?" Mama replied, " Not yet, honey." Nancycog in MD



  #3  
Old October 27th 04, 07:35 PM
Frank Reid
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wrote in message
...
Anyone have a quilt-related joke I can tell tonight at guild meeting? I
always like to leave them laughing! Here'a one I cannot tell: A four
year old was examining his testicles, and asked Mama, "Are these my
brains?" Mama replied, " Not yet, honey." Nancycog in MD


I posted this last year, maybe you can use something from this.

Some of you know me, I've posted a few times before looking for Xmas gifts
for my quilter wife. She is a very dedicated and accomplished quilter, and
I'm glad that she has something besides work to keep her happy.
However, from the spending many years on the distaff side, talking to many
quilt widowers and quilt heros at shows and the lounges in fabric stores,
there is a disturbing side to quilting that's only spoken of by the spouses.
We'll call it, for lack of a better term; "a disturbing side to quilting
that's only spoken of by the spouses."
For example:
1. Single mindedness: this is evidenced by the famous lumpy, living quilt
that meowed for four full days after completion.
2. Weather wise: this is when the quilter plans her day of fabric shopping
around the tornado warnings in Oklahoma. She lives in Maryland.
3. Cleanliness: one spot on the floor of her quilting room is clean, it
is about the size of a queen size bed....
4. The "one more thread" syndrome: this started when the quilter was a
cross stitcher. "I'll be up to bed when I finish just one more thread."
Well, this can carry on to quilting with exponentially worse results. How
many yards on the standard spool of quilting thread?
5. "Oh, I can make that from my stash" : this one is especially damaging
because it can't be done. My wife has over 2000 lbs of fabric (as weighed
by the movers). She will find the perfect fabric as the base, but still
must find all the coordinating fabrics. This leads to example 2.
6. Volunteerism: No, not her, but the spouse. I was "volunteered" to help
with her little quilt show a few years back in Omaha. I had no clue what an
"NQA show" meant. I ended up hospitalized and on happy drugs. I was not
alone.
7. Quilt Hero Anemia or QHA: Quilters are known to hold needles in their
mouths. Its a defense mechanism raised to the level of perfidy. She looks
sweet and beautiful, she's happy as the fabrics are giving off fabric
pheremones, she smiles, you kiss her, you bleed from the lips and gums. Can
lead to transfusions and plastic surgery.
8. Iron Envy: Joan up the street got a new iron with the newest software
updates and is a beta tester for their newest upside-down hotplate. The
quilter must get a better iron.
9. Ironing board spawned violence: I tried to use her board to iron a
military uniform shirt using spray starch. Thats what that $300 piece of
fabric covered steel is for, right? Luckily I was able to call in a SEAL
team and the 4th Infantry Division to extracate me.
10. Cold nights: final straw. You lay in bed alone. She's quilting.
You're cold, you have no blanket. A quilt for your bed? No way, you've
none in your house. All have been given away.

--
Frank Reid
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  #4  
Old October 27th 04, 07:40 PM
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LOL I love it! Nancycog in MD

  #5  
Old October 27th 04, 09:20 PM
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Thanks, Frank, I will use it! 8^) Nancycog in MD

 




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