What would you do?

You need better relatives :-)

marcella

In article SrJGg.27251$uV.15838@trnddc08,
"Debbie" wrote:

Hi all,

Just thought I'd get some opinions on a problem that has come up.

When people find out you make quilts they all want one. Problem is, I don't
mind making relatives one for free, but my MIL has asked me to make her
bosses one each (she has two bosses) for Christmas. She says she will pay me
for it. If I charged by the time and effort I put into it, she couldn't pay
me for it. I know she's thinking $20-50.

Another thing that has irked me is that I made my MIL one in January and she
informed me (the same day she asked me to make her bosses one and to make
her a bedspread and matching shams for her bed) that she is going to put the
one I made for her in January in a yard sale. I said, "Don't sell it in a
yard sale, I'll buy it back." And she said, "Well, it's faded."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How do I get across to her that this stuff takes a lot of time??? She told
me that making quilts for people at Christmas was a *cheap* way to give
presents, too. I don't think she is trying to be mean, but she has no idea
the time and effort that goes into this stuff. Hubby has somewhat of an
idea of how much time and effort I put into it, but he is real protective of
his mother, so I have to approach this delicately. LOL

Thanks for any help and advice you can give me.

Debbie

"Marcella Peek" wrote in message
...
You need better relatives :-)

marcella


;-)

Debbie

Howdy!

You reckon glaring at the woman and screaming,
"WHAT?!!!? Are you NUTZ!???!!?" isn't appropriate and final?
g
You don't think she's trying to be mean? She just comes by
this casual, calloused, insulting attitude naturally?

Altho' Texas is not The South, my m-i-l is from East Texas which
is very Southern, & we have discussed some very creative phrases in
the art of the put-down.
Helpful phrases like, "Oh, sure 'nuff?" & "Why--isn't that just
so sweet of you!" and "Oh, Bless your Heart!" and
saying "Darlin' " a lot. g
"Oh, how sweet of you to think of me, and my talents,
because of course you realize the retail value of my quilts starts
at $650, bless your heart, but I'm afraid I just couldn't do
justice to your expectations." Big ol' smiles go real well with
this kind of cra..er.. refusal.

My dad, native Texan, when presented w/ someone else's expectations
of what he should do: "How 'bout that."
"Rhonnie! I want some handmade items for my bosses, in time for
the holidays, and I want them for almost free!"
Rhonnie: "How 'bout that." g

Barney Fife: Nip it! In the BUD! NIP IT IN THE BUD!

Debbie, you must stop this woman now.
If you make another quilty/crafty item for her at least a dozen
of us are coming to "see" you to take you to have your head
examined. VBG
As for her son--who's he married to, anyway? First right of protection
should go to The Wife, IMO. YMMV

Nah, you don't owe her anything, esp. custom-made quilts.
The *cheap* part of this deal is her attitude.
"M-i-l, Darlin', if you really want to give YOUR bosses something handmade,
how 'bout you go down to the craft store and get some craft kits and make
them something from your own 2 delicate hands? I mean, everyone always
needs another bookmark, right? And potholders: who doesn't like
potholders?" Remind her of the Ojo de Dio we all made out of yarn and
sticks at Vacation Bible School. And mobiles out of fruit juice can tops.
See, the possibilities are endless. And she can take pride in saying,
"I made this myself!" Bless her heart.

Good luck! Hang in here. We'll talk you thru' this. ;-)

Ragmop/Sandy--been there, been there again, hit myself over the head
to keep me from going back... 8-

On 8/22/06 3:05 PM, in article SrJGg.27251$uV.15838@trnddc08, "Debbie"
wrote:

Hi all,

Just thought I'd get some opinions on a problem that has come up.

When people find out you make quilts they all want one. Problem is, I don't
mind making relatives one for free, but my MIL has asked me to make her
bosses one each (she has two bosses) for Christmas. She says she will pay me
for it. If I charged by the time and effort I put into it, she couldn't pay
me for it. I know she's thinking $20-50.

Another thing that has irked me is that I made my MIL one in January and she
informed me (the same day she asked me to make her bosses one and to make
her a bedspread and matching shams for her bed) that she is going to put the
one I made for her in January in a yard sale. I said, "Don't sell it in a
yard sale, I'll buy it back." And she said, "Well, it's faded."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How do I get across to her that this stuff takes a lot of time??? She told
me that making quilts for people at Christmas was a *cheap* way to give
presents, too. I don't think she is trying to be mean, but she has no idea
the time and effort that goes into this stuff. Hubby has somewhat of an
idea of how much time and effort I put into it, but he is real protective of
his mother, so I have to approach this delicately. LOL

Thanks for any help and advice you can give me.

Debbie

Just say no. DOn't give her quilts for presents and don't make them
for money for her. It will lead to nowhere good.
Think Nancy Reagan, just say no.
Taria

Debbie wrote:
Hi all,

Just thought I'd get some opinions on a problem that has come up.

When people find out you make quilts they all want one. Problem is, I don't
mind making relatives one for free, but my MIL has asked me to make her
bosses one each (she has two bosses) for Christmas. She says she will pay me
for it. If I charged by the time and effort I put into it, she couldn't pay
me for it. I know she's thinking $20-50.

Another thing that has irked me is that I made my MIL one in January and she
informed me (the same day she asked me to make her bosses one and to make
her a bedspread and matching shams for her bed) that she is going to put the
one I made for her in January in a yard sale. I said, "Don't sell it in a
yard sale, I'll buy it back." And she said, "Well, it's faded."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How do I get across to her that this stuff takes a lot of time??? She told
me that making quilts for people at Christmas was a *cheap* way to give
presents, too. I don't think she is trying to be mean, but she has no idea
the time and effort that goes into this stuff. Hubby has somewhat of an
idea of how much time and effort I put into it, but he is real protective of
his mother, so I have to approach this delicately. LOL

Thanks for any help and advice you can give me.

Debbie

OMG, ROTFLMAO..............................

This one is definitely a keeper!

Debbie



Howdy!

You reckon glaring at the woman and screaming,
"WHAT?!!!? Are you NUTZ!???!!?" isn't appropriate and final?
g
You don't think she's trying to be mean? She just comes by
this casual, calloused, insulting attitude naturally?

Altho' Texas is not The South, my m-i-l is from East Texas which
is very Southern, & we have discussed some very creative phrases in
the art of the put-down.
Helpful phrases like, "Oh, sure 'nuff?" & "Why--isn't that just
so sweet of you!" and "Oh, Bless your Heart!" and
saying "Darlin' " a lot. g
"Oh, how sweet of you to think of me, and my talents,
because of course you realize the retail value of my quilts starts
at $650, bless your heart, but I'm afraid I just couldn't do
justice to your expectations." Big ol' smiles go real well with
this kind of cra..er.. refusal.

My dad, native Texan, when presented w/ someone else's expectations
of what he should do: "How 'bout that."
"Rhonnie! I want some handmade items for my bosses, in time for
the holidays, and I want them for almost free!"
Rhonnie: "How 'bout that." g

Barney Fife: Nip it! In the BUD! NIP IT IN THE BUD!

Debbie, you must stop this woman now.
If you make another quilty/crafty item for her at least a dozen
of us are coming to "see" you to take you to have your head
examined. VBG
As for her son--who's he married to, anyway? First right of protection
should go to The Wife, IMO. YMMV

Nah, you don't owe her anything, esp. custom-made quilts.
The *cheap* part of this deal is her attitude.
"M-i-l, Darlin', if you really want to give YOUR bosses something
handmade,
how 'bout you go down to the craft store and get some craft kits and make
them something from your own 2 delicate hands? I mean, everyone always
needs another bookmark, right? And potholders: who doesn't like
potholders?" Remind her of the Ojo de Dio we all made out of yarn and
sticks at Vacation Bible School. And mobiles out of fruit juice can tops.
See, the possibilities are endless. And she can take pride in saying,
"I made this myself!" Bless her heart.

Good luck! Hang in here. We'll talk you thru' this. ;-)

Ragmop/Sandy--been there, been there again, hit myself over the head
to keep me from going back... 8-

Very interesting thread with an age-old dilemma. Response below.

In article SrJGg.27251$uV.15838@trnddc08,
"Debbie" wrote:

When people find out you make quilts they all want one. Problem is, I don't
mind making relatives one for free, but my MIL has asked me to make her
bosses one each (she has two bosses) for Christmas. She says she will pay me
for it. If I charged by the time and effort I put into it, she couldn't pay
me for it. I know she's thinking $20-50.

She wants to really impress her bosses but, as other have indicated,
either has no idea of the time and effort involved or is pretending not
to know in order to take advantage of your desire to please her (and
your husband). A little voice of experience in my head suspects the
latter.

Another thing that has irked me is that I made my MIL one in January and she
informed me (the same day she asked me to make her bosses one and to make
her a bedspread and matching shams for her bed) that she is going to put the
one I made for her in January in a yard sale. I said, "Don't sell it in a
yard sale, I'll buy it back." And she said, "Well, it's faded."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A person would have to be dumber than a door knob to not comprehend that
telling you such a thing would hurt your feelings. This adds even more
credibility to my theory that she is playing you.

How do I get across to her that this stuff takes a lot of time??? She told
me that making quilts for people at Christmas was a *cheap* way to give
presents, too. I don't think she is trying to be mean, but she has no idea
the time and effort that goes into this stuff.

Given all you've said, I'm not as generous about her motivations as you.
I hope I am wrong.

...Hubby has somewhat of an
idea of how much time and effort I put into it, but he is real protective of
his mother, so I have to approach this delicately. LOL

Then leave your husband out of it and just deal with her as you would
anyone else, not allowing her the special privilege of taking advantage
of you, but maintaining a perfectly reasonable and kindly affect. One
possible response is: "I can't tell you how much I appreciate that you
value my quilting skills enough to want me to make those quilts for your
bosses. So I know you will understand when I tell you that the
extensive time investment alone is prohibitive. Perhaps you can find
something affordable they might like at the Company Store."

Many years ago, I knitted my extremely hard to please MIL a really
stunning cream wool shawl. It was a complex lacy pattern that took some
time to complete. I could tell how thrilled she was when she opened the
package. She practically danced around the room with it. But I never
saw the shawl again until long after she died when my SIL was wearing it
one day. I said it was nice to see her wearing the shawl. She said it
had been a gift from her mother eons ago and had never been told that I
made it. Even the "Hand-made by..." label that I had sewn into it had
been removed. So, as you might surmise, I am a bit jaded. Good luck!

Thanks for any help and advice you can give me.

--
I fear me you but warm the starved snake
Who, cherished in your breasts, will sting your hearts. (Henry VI,Shakespeare)

"Phaedrine" wrote in message
...
Very interesting thread with an age-old dilemma. Response below.

In article SrJGg.27251$uV.15838@trnddc08,
"Debbie" wrote:

When people find out you make quilts they all want one. Problem is, I
don't
mind making relatives one for free, but my MIL has asked me to make her
bosses one each (she has two bosses) for Christmas. She says she will pay
me
for it. If I charged by the time and effort I put into it, she couldn't
pay
me for it. I know she's thinking $20-50.

She wants to really impress her bosses but, as other have indicated,
either has no idea of the time and effort involved or is pretending not
to know in order to take advantage of your desire to please her (and
your husband). A little voice of experience in my head suspects the
latter.

Wow, wake-up call for me. Phaedrine just hit me upside the head!



Another thing that has irked me is that I made my MIL one in January and
she
informed me (the same day she asked me to make her bosses one and to make
her a bedspread and matching shams for her bed) that she is going to put
the
one I made for her in January in a yard sale. I said, "Don't sell it in a
yard sale, I'll buy it back." And she said, "Well, it's faded."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A person would have to be dumber than a door knob to not comprehend that
telling you such a thing would hurt your feelings. This adds even more
credibility to my theory that she is playing you.

I have thought things similar to this, but have always felt that *I* am
being the b*tch. Have tried in the past to tell husband that she is playing
the poor-me card, but I won't get into that today..............

How do I get across to her that this stuff takes a lot of time??? She
told
me that making quilts for people at Christmas was a *cheap* way to give
presents, too. I don't think she is trying to be mean, but she has no
idea
the time and effort that goes into this stuff.


Given all you've said, I'm not as generous about her motivations as you.
I hope I am wrong.

...Hubby has somewhat of an
idea of how much time and effort I put into it, but he is real protective
of
his mother, so I have to approach this delicately. LOL

Then leave your husband out of it and just deal with her as you would
anyone else, not allowing her the special privilege of taking advantage
of you, but maintaining a perfectly reasonable and kindly affect. One
possible response is: "I can't tell you how much I appreciate that you
value my quilting skills enough to want me to make those quilts for your
bosses. So I know you will understand when I tell you that the
extensive time investment alone is prohibitive. Perhaps you can find
something affordable they might like at the Company Store."

Takes backbone, which I am still looking for..... LOL



Many years ago, I knitted my extremely hard to please MIL a really
stunning cream wool shawl. It was a complex lacy pattern that took some
time to complete. I could tell how thrilled she was when she opened the
package. She practically danced around the room with it. But I never
saw the shawl again until long after she died when my SIL was wearing it
one day. I said it was nice to see her wearing the shawl. She said it
had been a gift from her mother eons ago and had never been told that I
made it. Even the "Hand-made by..." label that I had sewn into it had
been removed. So, as you might surmise, I am a bit jaded. Good luck!

Bingo, exactly!!!!!!!! I don't expect her to worship me, but to sell it at a
yard sale for little-to-nothing...then don't ask me to be at yer beck and
call lady..............

thx Phaedrine
Debbie


I fear me you but warm the starved snake
Who, cherished in your breasts, will sting your hearts. (Henry
VI,Shakespeare)

I was once told that you multiply the length by the width in inches
(68 x68 =4624) then divide by 144 which is one square foot (4624 / 144
= 32.111 ) Then multiply that result by $10, = $320. That is a
reasonable amount for a quilt. That is the formula I use.
People don't realise how much we put into a quilt. If You do special
quilting, or use specialty thread, add another dollar or two to the
price per square foot. Like you I am quite willing to make a quilt for
someone I care about for no charge. I also am willing to barter.I have
gotten out of having to do one for someone by letting them know what it
will cost. If they know the value of a quilt, the price is not an
issue. Darlene

So far I've been making wall hangings to use as throws, they are about
68x68. I don't have a clue what to charge. I would estimate about 30???


What wuld you all charge for a log cabin quilt that size -- roughly? I was
thinking $200, but that sounds like a lot. ex. 30 hours x 5.00 an hour + $50
in materials.

Debbie

In article , "Cats"
wrote:

And if MIL continues to be a pain on this subject just tell
her very sweetly that you are sure that nothing lil' ol' you
made could possibly be good enough for a special person like
her!

LOL.... I especially like that one.

--
I fear me you but warm the starved snake
Who, cherished in your breasts, will sting your hearts. (Henry VI,Shakespeare)

In article ,
Sandy Ellison wrote:

Howdy!

You reckon glaring at the woman and screaming,
"WHAT?!!!? Are you NUTZ!???!!?" isn't appropriate and final?
g
You don't think she's trying to be mean? She just comes by
this casual, calloused, insulting attitude naturally?

Altho' Texas is not The South, my m-i-l is from East Texas which
is very Southern, & we have discussed some very creative phrases in
the art of the put-down.
Helpful phrases like, "Oh, sure 'nuff?" & "Why--isn't that just
so sweet of you!" and "Oh, Bless your Heart!" and
saying "Darlin' " a lot. g
"Oh, how sweet of you to think of me, and my talents,
because of course you realize the retail value of my quilts starts
at $650, bless your heart, but I'm afraid I just couldn't do
justice to your expectations." Big ol' smiles go real well with
this kind of cra..er.. refusal.

My dad, native Texan, when presented w/ someone else's expectations
of what he should do: "How 'bout that."
"Rhonnie! I want some handmade items for my bosses, in time for
the holidays, and I want them for almost free!"
Rhonnie: "How 'bout that." g

Barney Fife: Nip it! In the BUD! NIP IT IN THE BUD!

Debbie, you must stop this woman now.
If you make another quilty/crafty item for her at least a dozen
of us are coming to "see" you to take you to have your head
examined. VBG
As for her son--who's he married to, anyway? First right of protection
should go to The Wife, IMO. YMMV

Nah, you don't owe her anything, esp. custom-made quilts.
The *cheap* part of this deal is her attitude.
"M-i-l, Darlin', if you really want to give YOUR bosses something handmade,
how 'bout you go down to the craft store and get some craft kits and make
them something from your own 2 delicate hands? I mean, everyone always
needs another bookmark, right? And potholders: who doesn't like
potholders?" Remind her of the Ojo de Dio we all made out of yarn and
sticks at Vacation Bible School. And mobiles out of fruit juice can tops.
See, the possibilities are endless. And she can take pride in saying,
"I made this myself!" Bless her heart.

Good luck! Hang in here. We'll talk you thru' this. ;-)

Ragmop/Sandy--been there, been there again, hit myself over the head
to keep me from going back... 8-


Oh this is just SO rich!! Best laugh I had in a week! The part about
the fruit juice can tops nearly had me rolling on the floor.

Phae

--
I fear me you but warm the starved snake
Who, cherished in your breasts, will sting your hearts. (Henry VI,Shakespeare)