(Very long, feel free to skip) Hugs and feelings

You are so right, Julia. Christening gowns should be shared and passed
down. No. I didn't make another one for her. Her 'entitled' attitude just
didn't motivate me. Polly

"Julia in MN" wrote Did you make the second one? Something like that
sounds like an heirloom
that multiple family members would wear. My kids both wore the same
christening gown; I intended it to be some sort of heirloom. All 4
grandchildren have also worn it.

Julia in MN

I, too, am reminded me of the absolutely wonderful notes I received
from members of this group - both via postings here, private emails,
and cards and letters - when my mom passed away a few years back.

No I didn't get a hug quilt then - it never even occurred to me that I
would (even though I had participated in a few before and a few since)
and I never felt oversighted by not getting one because all of those
wonderful emails, notes and cards from RCTQ friends were HUGs enough
at a time when I REALLY needed them!

"For it is in giving that we receive." (Prayer of St. Francis.)

-Irene

On Sat, 31 Jan 2009 19:56:52 -0800, Taria
wrote:

I think timing is a lot of it. I wouldn't begrudge anyone a hug (and
I remember that request too but I am afraid I can't remember whom it
was for) I do remember at that time wondering how we were possibly
going to do hugs for everyone that lost a mom or dad. When my mom
passed 8+ years ago I posted requesting thoughts and prayers. So many
wrote wonderful messages of support and kindness and love. I was
pretty overwhelmed with those. I printed them and took them to mom
and she was so amazed. It was really heartfelt. I mention the
messages because last weekend all my sibs met at my folks house and
helped dad go through a lot of stuff. There was a box with many notes
and cards mom had gotten and also the msgs. I printed from the group
here. I was once again so touched as I read them. That was what I
needed at the time and really made a difference to me and mom.

Certainly you are within your rights to air your opinions. But this
very topic has been aired here many times over the years....just
check the archives. When you air something like this you are
certainly going to get responses.

I participate in Hugs when I can, which has not been much lately due
to life issues. However, I share the joy of those receiving one, and
I always send out prayers and healing thoughts to those who ask.
The HUGS are what they are - an amazing thing especially given this is
a Usenet group and not a quilting guild!

Feeling as though you are entitled to one is only going to make you
feel worse when you don't receive it.

Instead of feeling bad about something you have no control over, why
not turn it around into something you DO have control over -- maybe
make a block for someone else, or start a goup of quilters in your
area to make HUGS for local people. "For it is in giving that we
receive."

-Irene



On Sat, 31 Jan 2009 09:52:59 -0500, Megan Zurawicz
wrote:

Folks, there's something I need to say just because I need to say it for
*me*, to finish the process of getting past this. I don't need or want any
reaction to it, I just need to air it.

Hug quilts.

We tend to sit here and feel so good about ourselves----look at all the hug
quilts we make, there are always five or six in process, and we've gone from
taking care of ALL of our own to taking care of cousins of friends of
coworkers's cats, practically. I used to be a part of that.

Now I've seen the other side.

I've seen how much it hurts to be "one of us", to be in the worst pain of
your life, to be devastated, to be desperate for a friend---any friend---to
reach out to you......and to listen to months of "this hug for my co-worker"
"this hug for my friend's cousin" et cetera, et cetera, and know that those
strangers rank higher than you do.

As it happened, I'm aware that anybody anywhere can read whatever I post
here. And that meant that there was a lot I *couldn't* say, couldn't tell,
about how horrific things were for me. Doesn't mean I didn't tell y'all I
was going through it----I just didn't share the grimmest bits; I didn't play
up the soap opera aspect.

(Note: I am not accusing *anyone* of soap opera-ing their life here, to get
a Hug or otherwise. I'm simply observing that doing so vastly increases the
odds one will receive one.)

Most of the responses I got were "Wow, sorry, glad to see you're handling it
so well. Now let's talk about something else." Well? The ability to put
the best face on in public doesn't necessarily constitute "handling it
well." Fair chance it constitutes "If I let go and show exactly how I
*really* feel, I won't be able to go forward at all."

Not to mention back to that "anybody can read....." part. There are times
that if you let certain people know how much you're hurting, all you're
doing is helping them correct their aim in hurting you more.

And we've made it so VERY clear here that we deeply scorn ANYBODY who lets
on that they NEED a Hug quilt. That's a no-no. You have to sit back and
wait to see if you're valued enough to get one. And cope on your own when
it becomes clear you aren't.


*******

Anyhow, that was then, this is now. What's to be learned from it? Maybe
that we need to be more aware that we don't know what's around us. Maybe
that we need to play down Hugs----or set rules for Hugs----or I don't know
what. I have zero evidence for this, so nobody needs ask me what I know
that I'm not telling----but it seems to me the odds are that I'm not the
only person that's gotten hurt by the whole Hug thing, in exactly the same
fashion. I'm just the only one mouthy enough---or who cares enough about
this bunch---to say so.

I was going to say the only reaction this needs is thought, but maybe it
doesn't even need that. Maybe it doesn't teach anything except "wow, pig is
awfully self-centered, to think these people should have given a damn about
her." Know that I'm not saying it to hurt *anybody*. I'm saying it so that
I can stop quietly resenting, move on, and get back to being a "normal"
(back to being normal? That'd be a first member of the group.

Those of you who've read this far need to get a life. LOL

--pig

I really don't think Megan felt "entitled", and I think your response is a
little harsh. Yes, this has been discussed before. It seems as if things
like this come up after there have been quite a few requests for quilts that
are requested for people not remotely connected to RCTQ, except for the
person doing the requesting. I know of a few that have quit the group when
these requests became more and more ridiculous (in some opinions).
Apparently we need to clear the air, so to speak, occasionally. As with
anything in life there are givers and there are takers. Plus some of us
don't chose to tell the whole world our feelings. In that case, some don't
expect anything and some wonder why they don't get the response others get.
As I said in a previous post---the squeaky wheel gets the grease. Or the
soap operas, as some post.
Gen



"IMS" wrote in message
...
Certainly you are within your rights to air your opinions. But this
very topic has been aired here many times over the years....just
check the archives. When you air something like this you are
certainly going to get responses.

I participate in Hugs when I can, which has not been much lately due
to life issues. However, I share the joy of those receiving one, and
I always send out prayers and healing thoughts to those who ask.
The HUGS are what they are - an amazing thing especially given this is
a Usenet group and not a quilting guild!

Feeling as though you are entitled to one is only going to make you
feel worse when you don't receive it.

Instead of feeling bad about something you have no control over, why
not turn it around into something you DO have control over -- maybe
make a block for someone else, or start a goup of quilters in your
area to make HUGS for local people. "For it is in giving that we
receive."

-Irene



On Sat, 31 Jan 2009 09:52:59 -0500, Megan Zurawicz
wrote:

Folks, there's something I need to say just because I need to say it for
*me*, to finish the process of getting past this. I don't need or want
any
reaction to it, I just need to air it.

Hug quilts.

We tend to sit here and feel so good about ourselves----look at all the
hug
quilts we make, there are always five or six in process, and we've gone
from
taking care of ALL of our own to taking care of cousins of friends of
coworkers's cats, practically. I used to be a part of that.

Now I've seen the other side.

I've seen how much it hurts to be "one of us", to be in the worst pain of
your life, to be devastated, to be desperate for a friend---any
friend---to
reach out to you......and to listen to months of "this hug for my
co-worker"
"this hug for my friend's cousin" et cetera, et cetera, and know that
those
strangers rank higher than you do.

As it happened, I'm aware that anybody anywhere can read whatever I post
here. And that meant that there was a lot I *couldn't* say, couldn't
tell,
about how horrific things were for me. Doesn't mean I didn't tell y'all I
was going through it----I just didn't share the grimmest bits; I didn't
play
up the soap opera aspect.

(Note: I am not accusing *anyone* of soap opera-ing their life here, to
get
a Hug or otherwise. I'm simply observing that doing so vastly increases
the
odds one will receive one.)

Most of the responses I got were "Wow, sorry, glad to see you're handling
it
so well. Now let's talk about something else." Well? The ability to put
the best face on in public doesn't necessarily constitute "handling it
well." Fair chance it constitutes "If I let go and show exactly how I
*really* feel, I won't be able to go forward at all."

Not to mention back to that "anybody can read....." part. There are times
that if you let certain people know how much you're hurting, all you're
doing is helping them correct their aim in hurting you more.

And we've made it so VERY clear here that we deeply scorn ANYBODY who lets
on that they NEED a Hug quilt. That's a no-no. You have to sit back and
wait to see if you're valued enough to get one. And cope on your own when
it becomes clear you aren't.


*******

Anyhow, that was then, this is now. What's to be learned from it? Maybe
that we need to be more aware that we don't know what's around us. Maybe
that we need to play down Hugs----or set rules for Hugs----or I don't know
what. I have zero evidence for this, so nobody needs ask me what I know
that I'm not telling----but it seems to me the odds are that I'm not the
only person that's gotten hurt by the whole Hug thing, in exactly the same
fashion. I'm just the only one mouthy enough---or who cares enough about
this bunch---to say so.

I was going to say the only reaction this needs is thought, but maybe it
doesn't even need that. Maybe it doesn't teach anything except "wow, pig
is
awfully self-centered, to think these people should have given a damn
about
her." Know that I'm not saying it to hurt *anybody*. I'm saying it so
that
I can stop quietly resenting, move on, and get back to being a "normal"
(back to being normal? That'd be a first member of the group.

Those of you who've read this far need to get a life. LOL

--pig

IMS wrote:
I, too, am reminded me of the absolutely wonderful notes I received
from members of this group - both via postings here, private emails,
and cards and letters - when my mom passed away a few years back.

No I didn't get a hug quilt then - it never even occurred to me that I
would (even though I had participated in a few before and a few since)
and I never felt oversighted by not getting one because all of those
wonderful emails, notes and cards from RCTQ friends were HUGs enough
at a time when I REALLY needed them!

"For it is in giving that we receive." (Prayer of St. Francis.)

-Irene




I tend to agree with you Irene. I participate in the hug projects
because it makes me feel good to do so.

Michelle in NV
http://community.webshots.com/user/desert_quilter
Email me: michelle_of_the_desert AT yahoo.com

Howdy!

LOL.

Love you, Gen.

R/S - leaving all the posts below
p.s. (((((Pig)))))


On 2/1/09 1:22 PM, in article , "Gen"
wrote:

I really don't think Megan felt "entitled", and I think your response is a
little harsh. Yes, this has been discussed before. It seems as if things
like this come up after there have been quite a few requests for quilts that
are requested for people not remotely connected to RCTQ, except for the
person doing the requesting. I know of a few that have quit the group when
these requests became more and more ridiculous (in some opinions).
Apparently we need to clear the air, so to speak, occasionally. As with
anything in life there are givers and there are takers. Plus some of us
don't chose to tell the whole world our feelings. In that case, some don't
expect anything and some wonder why they don't get the response others get.
As I said in a previous post---the squeaky wheel gets the grease. Or the
soap operas, as some post.
Gen



"IMS" wrote in message
...
Certainly you are within your rights to air your opinions. But this
very topic has been aired here many times over the years....just
check the archives. When you air something like this you are
certainly going to get responses.

I participate in Hugs when I can, which has not been much lately due
to life issues. However, I share the joy of those receiving one, and
I always send out prayers and healing thoughts to those who ask.
The HUGS are what they are - an amazing thing especially given this is
a Usenet group and not a quilting guild!

Feeling as though you are entitled to one is only going to make you
feel worse when you don't receive it.

Instead of feeling bad about something you have no control over, why
not turn it around into something you DO have control over -- maybe
make a block for someone else, or start a goup of quilters in your
area to make HUGS for local people. "For it is in giving that we
receive."

-Irene



On Sat, 31 Jan 2009 09:52:59 -0500, Megan Zurawicz
wrote:

Folks, there's something I need to say just because I need to say it for
*me*, to finish the process of getting past this. I don't need or want
any
reaction to it, I just need to air it.

Hug quilts.

We tend to sit here and feel so good about ourselves----look at all the
hug
quilts we make, there are always five or six in process, and we've gone
from
taking care of ALL of our own to taking care of cousins of friends of
coworkers's cats, practically. I used to be a part of that.

Now I've seen the other side.

I've seen how much it hurts to be "one of us", to be in the worst pain of
your life, to be devastated, to be desperate for a friend---any
friend---to
reach out to you......and to listen to months of "this hug for my
co-worker"
"this hug for my friend's cousin" et cetera, et cetera, and know that
those
strangers rank higher than you do.

As it happened, I'm aware that anybody anywhere can read whatever I post
here. And that meant that there was a lot I *couldn't* say, couldn't
tell,
about how horrific things were for me. Doesn't mean I didn't tell y'all I
was going through it----I just didn't share the grimmest bits; I didn't
play
up the soap opera aspect.

(Note: I am not accusing *anyone* of soap opera-ing their life here, to
get
a Hug or otherwise. I'm simply observing that doing so vastly increases
the
odds one will receive one.)

Most of the responses I got were "Wow, sorry, glad to see you're handling
it
so well. Now let's talk about something else." Well? The ability to put
the best face on in public doesn't necessarily constitute "handling it
well." Fair chance it constitutes "If I let go and show exactly how I
*really* feel, I won't be able to go forward at all."

Not to mention back to that "anybody can read....." part. There are times
that if you let certain people know how much you're hurting, all you're
doing is helping them correct their aim in hurting you more.

And we've made it so VERY clear here that we deeply scorn ANYBODY who lets
on that they NEED a Hug quilt. That's a no-no. You have to sit back and
wait to see if you're valued enough to get one. And cope on your own when
it becomes clear you aren't.


*******

Anyhow, that was then, this is now. What's to be learned from it? Maybe
that we need to be more aware that we don't know what's around us. Maybe
that we need to play down Hugs----or set rules for Hugs----or I don't know
what. I have zero evidence for this, so nobody needs ask me what I know
that I'm not telling----but it seems to me the odds are that I'm not the
only person that's gotten hurt by the whole Hug thing, in exactly the same
fashion. I'm just the only one mouthy enough---or who cares enough about
this bunch---to say so.

I was going to say the only reaction this needs is thought, but maybe it
doesn't even need that. Maybe it doesn't teach anything except "wow, pig
is
awfully self-centered, to think these people should have given a damn
about
her." Know that I'm not saying it to hurt *anybody*. I'm saying it so
that
I can stop quietly resenting, move on, and get back to being a "normal"
(back to being normal? That'd be a first member of the group.

Those of you who've read this far need to get a life. LOL

--pig

On Feb 1, 3:34*pm, Michelle C wrote:
IMS wrote:
I, too, am reminded me of the absolutely wonderful notes I received
from members of this group - both via postings here, private emails,
and cards and letters - when my mom passed away a few years back. *

No I didn't get a hug quilt then - it never even occurred to me that I
would (even though I had participated in a few before and a few since)
and I never felt oversighted by not getting one because all of those
wonderful emails, notes and cards from RCTQ friends were HUGs enough
at a time when I REALLY needed them! *

"For it is in giving that we receive." (Prayer of St. Francis.)

-Irene

I tend to agree with you Irene. *I participate in the hug projects
because it makes me feel good to do so.

Michelle in NVhttp://community.webshots.com/user/desert_quilter
Email me: michelle_of_the_desert AT yahoo.com

That's the way I feel too and, like someone said, it's your choice
whether you want to participate in a HUG quilt or not. I asked for
blocks a while back for a very ill friend of mine and I received so
many beautiful ones - it was such a joy putting that quilt together.
Whenever I see her, somehow that HUG quilt comes up and she gets misty-
eyed each and every time - she is just blown away that so many
strangers cared enough to do such a thing. We all make choices and
mine certainly will be to participate in a HUG quilt whenever I can.
Giving really is better than receiving at times.

Sharon (N.B.)

Yes, Block the Sender is a friend I sometimes visit also. Some times I
prefer to visit Ignore this Conversation. Life is short .... I prefer to
avoid stress in my hobby!
But I enjoy most of the posters here! Hugs all around,
PAT

"Kay Ahr" wrote in message
...
Indeed!! I've blocked the messages from the drama queens and kings.

I've been privileged to have been hugged by Megan -- metaphorically
and truly -- as the lucky recipient of a lot of the stash that she
decided she could live without. (Was that really two years ago now?!)

I've been hugged, too, with a quilt made by a subgroup of RCTQers (and
former RCTQers) the year that my parents died. Not only is it a
special quilt, it is also a lovely one, and I am most grateful. In
return, and to pay it forward, I have coordinated several hug quilts--
any part from designing to setting blocks to quilting and binding.

Making a quilt for the neighbor's brother-in-law's catsitter, no
matter how unfortunate that person's circumstances, seems to me to be
more of a charity quilt than a hug. Maybe that's just my own
definition of a charity quilt as opposed to a hug quilt. I make many
of the latter (the HeartStrings Quilt Project is all about that --
www.heartstringsquiltproject.com)....To me, a hug quilt implies that
the participants have a connection to the recipient (one degree of
separation, not three or more).

While on the topic, I'm curious to know why many write "HUG" in
capital letters. To me that indicates an acronym, as though it's
short for "how utterly gracious," or "heavenly unciform gardenias."

Nann
in northeasternmost Illinois

On Jan 31, 8:52*am, Megan Zurawicz wrote:
Hug quilts.

Now I've seen the other side.

I've seen how much it hurts to be "one of us", to be in the worst pain of
your life, to be devastated, to be desperate for a friend---any friend---to
reach out to you......and to listen to months of "this hug for my co-worker"
"this hug for my friend's cousin" et cetera, et cetera, and know that those
strangers rank higher than you do.