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#1
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(Very long, feel free to skip) Hugs and feelings
Folks, there's something I need to say just because I need to say it for
*me*, to finish the process of getting past this. I don't need or want any reaction to it, I just need to air it. Hug quilts. We tend to sit here and feel so good about ourselves----look at all the hug quilts we make, there are always five or six in process, and we've gone from taking care of ALL of our own to taking care of cousins of friends of coworkers's cats, practically. I used to be a part of that. Now I've seen the other side. I've seen how much it hurts to be "one of us", to be in the worst pain of your life, to be devastated, to be desperate for a friend---any friend---to reach out to you......and to listen to months of "this hug for my co-worker" "this hug for my friend's cousin" et cetera, et cetera, and know that those strangers rank higher than you do. As it happened, I'm aware that anybody anywhere can read whatever I post here. And that meant that there was a lot I *couldn't* say, couldn't tell, about how horrific things were for me. Doesn't mean I didn't tell y'all I was going through it----I just didn't share the grimmest bits; I didn't play up the soap opera aspect. (Note: I am not accusing *anyone* of soap opera-ing their life here, to get a Hug or otherwise. I'm simply observing that doing so vastly increases the odds one will receive one.) Most of the responses I got were "Wow, sorry, glad to see you're handling it so well. Now let's talk about something else." Well? The ability to put the best face on in public doesn't necessarily constitute "handling it well." Fair chance it constitutes "If I let go and show exactly how I *really* feel, I won't be able to go forward at all." Not to mention back to that "anybody can read....." part. There are times that if you let certain people know how much you're hurting, all you're doing is helping them correct their aim in hurting you more. And we've made it so VERY clear here that we deeply scorn ANYBODY who lets on that they NEED a Hug quilt. That's a no-no. You have to sit back and wait to see if you're valued enough to get one. And cope on your own when it becomes clear you aren't. ******* Anyhow, that was then, this is now. What's to be learned from it? Maybe that we need to be more aware that we don't know what's around us. Maybe that we need to play down Hugs----or set rules for Hugs----or I don't know what. I have zero evidence for this, so nobody needs ask me what I know that I'm not telling----but it seems to me the odds are that I'm not the only person that's gotten hurt by the whole Hug thing, in exactly the same fashion. I'm just the only one mouthy enough---or who cares enough about this bunch---to say so. I was going to say the only reaction this needs is thought, but maybe it doesn't even need that. Maybe it doesn't teach anything except "wow, pig is awfully self-centered, to think these people should have given a damn about her." Know that I'm not saying it to hurt *anybody*. I'm saying it so that I can stop quietly resenting, move on, and get back to being a "normal" (back to being normal? That'd be a first member of the group. Those of you who've read this far need to get a life. LOL --pig |
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#2
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(Very long, feel free to skip) Hugs and feelings
When I was part of this group years ago I had the same thoughts. Never
shared them because I didn't want to be scorned and I wasn't sure I could say it nice enough to actually get my point across without offending anyone unintentionally. The only thing I could come up with was that every member should get a hug. Sick ones first and then the rest of us. But the group has grown quite a bit. I'm not sure this would even be doable. Also because some members come and go. But if your alive you are bound to experience hardships in life no matter who you are, it's life. So that's why I think everyone needs one. But that's my two cents.Thanx for sharing. Take Care Joanna Alberta Megan Zurawicz wrote: Folks, there's something I need to say just because I need to say it for *me*, to finish the process of getting past this. I don't need or want any reaction to it, I just need to air it. Hug quilts. We tend to sit here and feel so good about ourselves----look at all the hug quilts we make, there are always five or six in process, and we've gone from taking care of ALL of our own to taking care of cousins of friends of coworkers's cats, practically. I used to be a part of that. Now I've seen the other side. I've seen how much it hurts to be "one of us", to be in the worst pain of your life, to be devastated, to be desperate for a friend---any friend---to reach out to you......and to listen to months of "this hug for my co-worker" "this hug for my friend's cousin" et cetera, et cetera, and know that those strangers rank higher than you do. As it happened, I'm aware that anybody anywhere can read whatever I post here. And that meant that there was a lot I *couldn't* say, couldn't tell, about how horrific things were for me. Doesn't mean I didn't tell y'all I was going through it----I just didn't share the grimmest bits; I didn't play up the soap opera aspect. (Note: I am not accusing *anyone* of soap opera-ing their life here, to get a Hug or otherwise. I'm simply observing that doing so vastly increases the odds one will receive one.) Most of the responses I got were "Wow, sorry, glad to see you're handling it so well. Now let's talk about something else." Well? The ability to put the best face on in public doesn't necessarily constitute "handling it well." Fair chance it constitutes "If I let go and show exactly how I *really* feel, I won't be able to go forward at all." Not to mention back to that "anybody can read....." part. There are times that if you let certain people know how much you're hurting, all you're doing is helping them correct their aim in hurting you more. And we've made it so VERY clear here that we deeply scorn ANYBODY who lets on that they NEED a Hug quilt. That's a no-no. You have to sit back and wait to see if you're valued enough to get one. And cope on your own when it becomes clear you aren't. ******* Anyhow, that was then, this is now. What's to be learned from it? Maybe that we need to be more aware that we don't know what's around us. Maybe that we need to play down Hugs----or set rules for Hugs----or I don't know what. I have zero evidence for this, so nobody needs ask me what I know that I'm not telling----but it seems to me the odds are that I'm not the only person that's gotten hurt by the whole Hug thing, in exactly the same fashion. I'm just the only one mouthy enough---or who cares enough about this bunch---to say so. I was going to say the only reaction this needs is thought, but maybe it doesn't even need that. Maybe it doesn't teach anything except "wow, pig is awfully self-centered, to think these people should have given a damn about her." Know that I'm not saying it to hurt *anybody*. I'm saying it so that I can stop quietly resenting, move on, and get back to being a "normal" (back to being normal? That'd be a first member of the group. Those of you who've read this far need to get a life. LOL --pig |
#3
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(Very long, feel free to skip) Hugs and feelings
Megan:
Oh, this IS interesting! I have an opinion, and it will probably not win me a fan club, but here goes. I hardly ever get a block mailed out for a hug anymore, even when I intend to participate. (Those infamous good intentions!) The reasons are varied. Most times it is just because I have limited time for quilting, much less getting to a post office to mail anything. With that in mind, I tend to want to respond with a block (and a bit of cash to help out) when I actually 'know' the person; I often want to make a block for that particular person, but not necessarily her kith and kin. I like group hug projects to be for group members. ***Of course there are exceptions here and there, and I have participated in a few.*** Also, if a 'member' of this virtual bee is making a hug quilt for her (his) friend, neighbor, cousin, and requests a bit of fabric, I am glad to help when I can. It is easy to pop a few charm squares into an envelope and mail it out. Just as I do here in my actual bee, I try to help with theme/color fabric, but not making nor financing the quilt. Once in a while I have sent a simple block for one of those projects, if there is a particular request from a friend. I don't otherwise get very involved. It is after all, her personal hug project, not a group hug project. Why do some people get quilts while others are overlooked? Well, I don't think this is done out of any mean-spiritedness. I would say that some people blurt out at length every personal thing. That will influence some people to want to start up a hug quilt. (Not me ... I am so not a fan of TMI, and tend to not read those posts.) I guess in summation, I would say that maybe we need to be more sensitive to each other, maybe try to be more aware if a person needs a kind email or card. Those are nice gestures of friendship too. It is not always easy to discern sadness when people are being discreet in their posts. One can't read tone or expression as in person. So, I guess it may be helpful to try to develop more email friendships, to have an extended support system if one will need it. For now, please accept my very warm wishes that your situation will improve daily. I hope that no one reading this ever needs a hug quilt for any reason except a very happy event!! Pat in Virginia "Megan Zurawicz" wrote in message ... Folks, there's something I need to say just because I need to say it for *me*, to finish the process of getting past this. I don't need or want any reaction to it, I just need to air it. Hug quilts. We tend to sit here and feel so good about ourselves----look at all the hug quilts we make, there are always five or six in process, and we've gone from taking care of ALL of our own to taking care of cousins of friends of coworkers's cats, practically. I used to be a part of that. Now I've seen the other side. I've seen how much it hurts to be "one of us", to be in the worst pain of your life, to be devastated, to be desperate for a friend---any friend---to reach out to you......and to listen to months of "this hug for my co-worker" "this hug for my friend's cousin" et cetera, et cetera, and know that those strangers rank higher than you do. As it happened, I'm aware that anybody anywhere can read whatever I post here. And that meant that there was a lot I *couldn't* say, couldn't tell, about how horrific things were for me. Doesn't mean I didn't tell y'all I was going through it----I just didn't share the grimmest bits; I didn't play up the soap opera aspect. (Note: I am not accusing *anyone* of soap opera-ing their life here, to get a Hug or otherwise. I'm simply observing that doing so vastly increases the odds one will receive one.) Most of the responses I got were "Wow, sorry, glad to see you're handling it so well. Now let's talk about something else." Well? The ability to put the best face on in public doesn't necessarily constitute "handling it well." Fair chance it constitutes "If I let go and show exactly how I *really* feel, I won't be able to go forward at all." Not to mention back to that "anybody can read....." part. There are times that if you let certain people know how much you're hurting, all you're doing is helping them correct their aim in hurting you more. And we've made it so VERY clear here that we deeply scorn ANYBODY who lets on that they NEED a Hug quilt. That's a no-no. You have to sit back and wait to see if you're valued enough to get one. And cope on your own when it becomes clear you aren't. ******* Anyhow, that was then, this is now. What's to be learned from it? Maybe that we need to be more aware that we don't know what's around us. Maybe that we need to play down Hugs----or set rules for Hugs----or I don't know what. I have zero evidence for this, so nobody needs ask me what I know that I'm not telling----but it seems to me the odds are that I'm not the only person that's gotten hurt by the whole Hug thing, in exactly the same fashion. I'm just the only one mouthy enough---or who cares enough about this bunch---to say so. I was going to say the only reaction this needs is thought, but maybe it doesn't even need that. Maybe it doesn't teach anything except "wow, pig is awfully self-centered, to think these people should have given a damn about her." Know that I'm not saying it to hurt *anybody*. I'm saying it so that I can stop quietly resenting, move on, and get back to being a "normal" (back to being normal? That'd be a first member of the group. Those of you who've read this far need to get a life. LOL --pig |
#4
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(Very long, feel free to skip) Hugs and feelings
Megan, thanks for posting this., and I'm so sorry for what you've been
through. Some of us just don't feel it necessary to post to the group EVERY time life hands them a set-back. There are several who think they must let us know when even the most minute, and personal, things go wrong. (even, IMHO, to the point of being a" soap opera"), as you put it. Some have received more that 1 hug quilt, some lots of fabric squares, etc., etc. You get my drift. It seems, as in the rest of life, that the "squeaky wheel gets the grease". I also have a problem with the requests for distant relatives, from a neighbor, to co-workers, etc. If members wish to contribute to these requests, that their prerogative. I choose not to. I feel the hug list has been abused more than once. I know many will take great offense at this. That's OK---they have that right! I contribute to quilts, that in MHO are for members who really need a hug. God knows, there are a lot of them. You posted my thoughts exactly, But I feel bad it came to this. Gen "Megan Zurawicz" wrote in message news:C5A9CFFB.68E08%listpig@s bcglobal.net... I guess if per Folks, there's something I need to say just because I need to say it for *me*, to finish the process of getting past this. I don't need or want any reaction to it, I just need to air it. Hug quilts. We tend to sit here and feel so good about ourselves----look at all the hug quilts we make, there are always five or six in process, and we've gone from taking care of ALL of our own to taking care of cousins of friends of coworkers's cats, practically. I used to be a part of that. Now I've seen the other side. I've seen how much it hurts to be "one of us", to be in the worst pain of your life, to be devastated, to be desperate for a friend---any friend---to reach out to you......and to listen to months of "this hug for my co-worker" "this hug for my friend's cousin" et cetera, et cetera, and know that those strangers rank higher than you do. As it happened, I'm aware that anybody anywhere can read whatever I post here. And that meant that there was a lot I *couldn't* say, couldn't tell, about how horrific things were for me. Doesn't mean I didn't tell y'all I was going through it----I just didn't share the grimmest bits; I didn't play up the soap opera aspect. (Note: I am not accusing *anyone* of soap opera-ing their life here, to get a Hug or otherwise. I'm simply observing that doing so vastly increases the odds one will receive one.) Most of the responses I got were "Wow, sorry, glad to see you're handling it so well. Now let's talk about something else." Well? The ability to put the best face on in public doesn't necessarily constitute "handling it well." Fair chance it constitutes "If I let go and show exactly how I *really* feel, I won't be able to go forward at all." Not to mention back to that "anybody can read....." part. There are times that if you let certain people know how much you're hurting, all you're doing is helping them correct their aim in hurting you more. And we've made it so VERY clear here that we deeply scorn ANYBODY who lets on that they NEED a Hug quilt. That's a no-no. You have to sit back and wait to see if you're valued enough to get one. And cope on your own when it becomes clear you aren't. ******* Anyhow, that was then, this is now. What's to be learned from it? Maybe that we need to be more aware that we don't know what's around us. Maybe that we need to play down Hugs----or set rules for Hugs----or I don't know what. I have zero evidence for this, so nobody needs ask me what I know that I'm not telling----but it seems to me the odds are that I'm not the only person that's gotten hurt by the whole Hug thing, in exactly the same fashion. I'm just the only one mouthy enough---or who cares enough about this bunch---to say so. I was going to say the only reaction this needs is thought, but maybe it doesn't even need that. Maybe it doesn't teach anything except "wow, pig is awfully self-centered, to think these people should have given a damn about her." Know that I'm not saying it to hurt *anybody*. I'm saying it so that I can stop quietly resenting, move on, and get back to being a "normal" (back to being normal? That'd be a first member of the group. Those of you who've read this far need to get a life. LOL --pig |
#5
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(Very long, feel free to skip) Hugs and feelings
I don't know what you've been going through -- and I certainly don't
neet to know. You have posted enough for us to know that there have been some not-so-pleasant changes in your life. I hope it gets better for you. Like you, I am a person who believes that I do not need to air all my personal problems in public. I know how it feels to have someone HUGged for a situation that is not unlike your own. Shortly after my mother died -- which I believe I had mentioned -- I received a request for a HUG for someone else who had lost their mother. I didn't expect a HUG -- and didn't receive one -- but there was a small twinge of "why her and not me?" I don't remember the circumstances of the other person; in my case, my mother was elderly, in poor health, and I was not directly involved in her care. There was no reason for me to receive a HUG, and I definitely do not resent the fact that I didn't receive one. We simply cannot make HUGs every time someone in the group loses a member of their extended family; if we tried that, we'd get no other quilting done I, too, am bothered by some of the requests for people outside the group, especially if they are not especially close to a member of our group. However, I know that I am not under any obligation to participate -- and I seldom do. Hang in there, participate when you can and want to. Stick around! Julia in MN Megan Zurawicz wrote: Folks, there's something I need to say just because I need to say it for *me*, to finish the process of getting past this. I don't need or want any reaction to it, I just need to air it. Hug quilts. We tend to sit here and feel so good about ourselves----look at all the hug quilts we make, there are always five or six in process, and we've gone from taking care of ALL of our own to taking care of cousins of friends of coworkers's cats, practically. I used to be a part of that. Now I've seen the other side. I've seen how much it hurts to be "one of us", to be in the worst pain of your life, to be devastated, to be desperate for a friend---any friend---to reach out to you......and to listen to months of "this hug for my co-worker" "this hug for my friend's cousin" et cetera, et cetera, and know that those strangers rank higher than you do. As it happened, I'm aware that anybody anywhere can read whatever I post here. And that meant that there was a lot I *couldn't* say, couldn't tell, about how horrific things were for me. Doesn't mean I didn't tell y'all I was going through it----I just didn't share the grimmest bits; I didn't play up the soap opera aspect. (Note: I am not accusing *anyone* of soap opera-ing their life here, to get a Hug or otherwise. I'm simply observing that doing so vastly increases the odds one will receive one.) Most of the responses I got were "Wow, sorry, glad to see you're handling it so well. Now let's talk about something else." Well? The ability to put the best face on in public doesn't necessarily constitute "handling it well." Fair chance it constitutes "If I let go and show exactly how I *really* feel, I won't be able to go forward at all." Not to mention back to that "anybody can read....." part. There are times that if you let certain people know how much you're hurting, all you're doing is helping them correct their aim in hurting you more. And we've made it so VERY clear here that we deeply scorn ANYBODY who lets on that they NEED a Hug quilt. That's a no-no. You have to sit back and wait to see if you're valued enough to get one. And cope on your own when it becomes clear you aren't. ******* Anyhow, that was then, this is now. What's to be learned from it? Maybe that we need to be more aware that we don't know what's around us. Maybe that we need to play down Hugs----or set rules for Hugs----or I don't know what. I have zero evidence for this, so nobody needs ask me what I know that I'm not telling----but it seems to me the odds are that I'm not the only person that's gotten hurt by the whole Hug thing, in exactly the same fashion. I'm just the only one mouthy enough---or who cares enough about this bunch---to say so. I was going to say the only reaction this needs is thought, but maybe it doesn't even need that. Maybe it doesn't teach anything except "wow, pig is awfully self-centered, to think these people should have given a damn about her." Know that I'm not saying it to hurt *anybody*. I'm saying it so that I can stop quietly resenting, move on, and get back to being a "normal" (back to being normal? That'd be a first member of the group. Those of you who've read this far need to get a life. LOL --pig -- ----------- This message has been scanned for viruses by Norton Anti-Virus http://webpages.charter.net/jaccola/ ----------- |
#6
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(Very long, feel free to skip) Hugs and feelings
I have worried feelings about Hugs, too. But, they come from a
different slant. I have a skin like an onion. Nothing I have ever been able to do in life can make it any thicker. I feel the pain of others, and feel helpless, on the whole. Sometimes I have been able to help, sometimes not. Sometimes, I have felt really bad about someone's misfortune(s) and I have sent them a small quilt of my own. Before a Hug can happen, someone has to think of it, and offer to make it. There is a lot more to this than just sewing blocks together. We all know of the finances of this, so I won't labour that point. There is also the 'convenience' part. I am usually quite busy; but occasionally I have felt that I really wanted to start a Hug. However, it has been made clear to me that 'people' would not want to send their block(s) over to the UK - even if I were prepared to send the completed quilt back to the US. So, as I said, I just do my own. However, Megan (and I hate calling you Pig, even though I like Pigs), I think you must really disabuse yourself of the feeling that you have not been judged deserving of a Hug. I honestly and truly feel that 'deserve' does not come into it. If it did, the number would be multiplied no end. Since you mentioned your own case, I believe I am right in saying that you were away from the group for a long time after your trauma happened? You are not alone in this. Many people have done the same thing. Others find help in talking to the group and getting the group support. It would take someone who has perhaps some 'behind the scenes' knowledge to suggest a Hug. But, if that person is lacking either time or means to do it, they might well feel reluctant to suggest that a Hug might be needed but that someone else would have to do it. This whole matter is, I believe, vastly more complex even than you have explored here. For instance, what does one do about those who suffer chronic illness? Wait for a crisis? or just help them along day by day. One reason that has really helped me see this, is that a Hug should be directed towards someone who has had a life-changing experience. This can be good or bad of course. But, whatever the reason or the need, it *still* takes someone to suggest that they will do one. Also, that quilt has to be actually made. Many, many Hug quilts have been started and then just fall by the wayside. I think this is the saddest thing of all. I'm afraid I do not take part if it someone other than our own 'members' here, whom I have come to know a little - never all. I admire your courage in risking the wrath of others in saying this; and am very sorry that you feel you have not suffered enough to merit one. Sadly, without committees and working groups etc etc to read and judge every single message, this is always going to happen. I hope you are now further forward in your journey towards your own resolution of this hurt. .. In message , Megan Zurawicz writes Folks, there's something I need to say just because I need to say it for *me*, to finish the process of getting past this. I don't need or want any reaction to it, I just need to air it. Hug quilts. We tend to sit here and feel so good about ourselves----look at all the hug quilts we make, there are always five or six in process, and we've gone from taking care of ALL of our own to taking care of cousins of friends of coworkers's cats, practically. I used to be a part of that. Now I've seen the other side. I've seen how much it hurts to be "one of us", to be in the worst pain of your life, to be devastated, to be desperate for a friend---any friend---to reach out to you......and to listen to months of "this hug for my co-worker" "this hug for my friend's cousin" et cetera, et cetera, and know that those strangers rank higher than you do. As it happened, I'm aware that anybody anywhere can read whatever I post here. And that meant that there was a lot I *couldn't* say, couldn't tell, about how horrific things were for me. Doesn't mean I didn't tell y'all I was going through it----I just didn't share the grimmest bits; I didn't play up the soap opera aspect. (Note: I am not accusing *anyone* of soap opera-ing their life here, to get a Hug or otherwise. I'm simply observing that doing so vastly increases the odds one will receive one.) Most of the responses I got were "Wow, sorry, glad to see you're handling it so well. Now let's talk about something else." Well? The ability to put the best face on in public doesn't necessarily constitute "handling it well." Fair chance it constitutes "If I let go and show exactly how I *really* feel, I won't be able to go forward at all." Not to mention back to that "anybody can read....." part. There are times that if you let certain people know how much you're hurting, all you're doing is helping them correct their aim in hurting you more. And we've made it so VERY clear here that we deeply scorn ANYBODY who lets on that they NEED a Hug quilt. That's a no-no. You have to sit back and wait to see if you're valued enough to get one. And cope on your own when it becomes clear you aren't. ******* Anyhow, that was then, this is now. What's to be learned from it? Maybe that we need to be more aware that we don't know what's around us. Maybe that we need to play down Hugs----or set rules for Hugs----or I don't know what. I have zero evidence for this, so nobody needs ask me what I know that I'm not telling----but it seems to me the odds are that I'm not the only person that's gotten hurt by the whole Hug thing, in exactly the same fashion. I'm just the only one mouthy enough---or who cares enough about this bunch---to say so. I was going to say the only reaction this needs is thought, but maybe it doesn't even need that. Maybe it doesn't teach anything except "wow, pig is awfully self-centered, to think these people should have given a damn about her." Know that I'm not saying it to hurt *anybody*. I'm saying it so that I can stop quietly resenting, move on, and get back to being a "normal" (back to being normal? That'd be a first member of the group. Those of you who've read this far need to get a life. LOL --pig -- Best Regards pat on the hill |
#7
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(Very long, feel free to skip) Hugs and feelings
Megan,
I am very proud of you! It took a lot to express your feelings in order to work through them. I don't want to comment on the whole HUG issue, as I don't think this is really what is going on with you in this moment. I think it was the stress and frustration that it has been causing you as it continuously rolls around in your head. By airing, hopefully you have found new light, and a lot of relief. You are not alone! BIG CYBER HUGS!!!! Dannielle - one who evidently doesn't have a life! ROFL |
#8
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(Very long, feel free to skip) Hugs and feelings
As current "keeper of the Hug list" -- I feel obligated to respond.
Again -- this is my opinion -- and my opinion only. I'm sorry if anyone ever feels overlooked because they haven't received a HUG quilt -- especially during difficult times in their life. I know in my heart that it is not intentional. I can't believe anyone here would consciously think -- she doesn't need or deserve a HUG. I guess I'm a pragmatist. Not every good citizen is recognized as citizen of the year. Not every good man is recognized as man of the year. Teacher of the year.... and so on. Not every family in need gets toys from Toys for Tots -- or from the local VFW. For whatever reason... at any given point in time -- some come to the surface... and others do not. I can't change that. Nor can I explain why. As for Hugs -- I understand that many RCTQ members choose not to support HUGs for non-RCTQ individuals. However, it is my opinion - that everyone here has the right to ask for help if someone in their life needs a HUG. I have no problem "bothering" people by sending an email to those who have chosen to be on the list. Whether they choose to hit delete for any given request... or respond with a block is totally up to them. I keep no record of who gives and who doesn't. Personally -- I don't care. It is very much a personal decision. We all participate when we choose to -- or when we can. There are nearly 200 names on the list who receive the request. For any HUG request -- only a percentage choose to participate. The request may hit someone at a bad time... or they just choose not to participate for whatever reason. To my knowledge, no one has EVER kept a list other then to send thank you's to those who sent a block. The initial requests are sent "blindly" -- to keep the list private. (although I did once mess that up!) So no one really knows who is on the list... and who isn't (except me right now...) As "keeper of the list" -- I do not feel it is either appropriate or "my job" to solicit people to make a HUG quilt for someone. To volunteer for such a project takes a tremendous amount of time and money. It is a gesture that needs to come from the heart. I can think of nothing worse than asking for someone to "chair a HUG" and get no takers. I would then be in the position of "guilting" people into it... and that I will not do. If someone chooses to make a HUG top -- but seeks help with the quilting... we do put that request out. But we NEVER twist arms or put any pressure. Someone either responds... or they don't. If no one steps up -- then the HUG maker needs to move to a Plan B. Nor do I believe I should censor requests. I'm of the opinion that anyone can ask anything... each of us has the right to answer in our own way. If someone in your life needs a HUG -- but your time is short and you wish to call upon your "family" for help... I see no problem in asking. So while I'm sorry if anyone feels overlooked... or hurt... because no one stepped up to make a HUG for them, in a volunteer environment such as ours, I'm afraid it is the nature of the beast. I'm sure if you ask 10 people -- you'll get 10 different perspectives on these questions. Again -- this is my personal opinion which reflects the manner in which I administer the HUG list. I respect each individual's right to their opinion. If someone takes issue with the way I handle things, I invite you to have a ***PRIVATE*** discourse with me... off the list. -- Kate in MI http://community.webshots.com/user/K_Groves "Megan Zurawicz" wrote in message ... Folks, there's something I need to say just because I need to say it for *me*, to finish the process of getting past this. I don't need or want any reaction to it, I just need to air it. Hug quilts. We tend to sit here and feel so good about ourselves----look at all the hug quilts we make, there are always five or six in process, and we've gone from taking care of ALL of our own to taking care of cousins of friends of coworkers's cats, practically. I used to be a part of that. Now I've seen the other side. I've seen how much it hurts to be "one of us", to be in the worst pain of your life, to be devastated, to be desperate for a friend---any friend---to reach out to you......and to listen to months of "this hug for my co-worker" "this hug for my friend's cousin" et cetera, et cetera, and know that those strangers rank higher than you do. As it happened, I'm aware that anybody anywhere can read whatever I post here. And that meant that there was a lot I *couldn't* say, couldn't tell, about how horrific things were for me. Doesn't mean I didn't tell y'all I was going through it----I just didn't share the grimmest bits; I didn't play up the soap opera aspect. (Note: I am not accusing *anyone* of soap opera-ing their life here, to get a Hug or otherwise. I'm simply observing that doing so vastly increases the odds one will receive one.) Most of the responses I got were "Wow, sorry, glad to see you're handling it so well. Now let's talk about something else." Well? The ability to put the best face on in public doesn't necessarily constitute "handling it well." Fair chance it constitutes "If I let go and show exactly how I *really* feel, I won't be able to go forward at all." Not to mention back to that "anybody can read....." part. There are times that if you let certain people know how much you're hurting, all you're doing is helping them correct their aim in hurting you more. And we've made it so VERY clear here that we deeply scorn ANYBODY who lets on that they NEED a Hug quilt. That's a no-no. You have to sit back and wait to see if you're valued enough to get one. And cope on your own when it becomes clear you aren't. ******* Anyhow, that was then, this is now. What's to be learned from it? Maybe that we need to be more aware that we don't know what's around us. Maybe that we need to play down Hugs----or set rules for Hugs----or I don't know what. I have zero evidence for this, so nobody needs ask me what I know that I'm not telling----but it seems to me the odds are that I'm not the only person that's gotten hurt by the whole Hug thing, in exactly the same fashion. I'm just the only one mouthy enough---or who cares enough about this bunch---to say so. I was going to say the only reaction this needs is thought, but maybe it doesn't even need that. Maybe it doesn't teach anything except "wow, pig is awfully self-centered, to think these people should have given a damn about her." Know that I'm not saying it to hurt *anybody*. I'm saying it so that I can stop quietly resenting, move on, and get back to being a "normal" (back to being normal? That'd be a first member of the group. Those of you who've read this far need to get a life. LOL --pig |
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(Very long, feel free to skip) Hugs and feelings
If I were not, I would not have been able to post. As I said, I'm beyond
this, except that I found I was harboring a (probably somewhat irrational, being aware of all the factors you mentioned) bit of resentment toward the group, and I didn't want to. Airing the problem lets me release that and let go of the issue entirely. I've also gotten a surprising amount of direct email from folks of the "me too" variety, so whatever hesitation I had about posting that is gone. --pig On 1/31/09 15:25, in article , "Patti" wrote: I hope you are now further forward in your journey towards your own resolution of this hurt. |
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(Very long, feel free to skip) Hugs and feelings
Kate, absolutely *nothing* I said was intended to be aimed at any particular
person, and it never even occurred to me that you (or your predecessor) would think it an comment on the keeper of the list. No such intention here. The core problem with the situation, and no, I don't know of any sort of fix for that, is that you're being very Spock there---shouldn't THINK (i.e. logically) that their exclusion holds signfiicance or is an intentional slight. Well, of course not. And I would bet that not only myself but everyone else here who's been in that situation never calmly logically thought anyone here was "out to get them" by excluding them. But when you're in that situation, you're not running on logic. You're running on feelings. And feelings aren't logical. Feelings just cry out to be noticed, and hurt when they aren't. --pig On 1/31/09 17:46, in article , "Kate in MI" wrote: I'm sorry if anyone ever feels overlooked because they haven't received a HUG quilt -- especially during difficult times in their life. I know in my heart that it is not intentional. I can't believe anyone here would consciously think -- she doesn't need or deserve a HUG. |
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