a new development in Scotland

phbbbbbbbbbtttttt! So that is what causes that!! - roaring and guffawing
in Arkansas. I know that the more suppressed as youngsters the more fierce
the rebellion.

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"KI Graham" wrote in message
news:3LzXf.209166$sa3.11859@pd7tw1no...
OTOH....[this from a list of random thoughts]...

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and when he grows
up he'll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway.

"Sally Swindells" wrote in message
...
Another thing that really gets to me are children who interrupt when
you are talking to their parents - often by jumping up and down and
pulling at parent's sleeve - the parents stop the conversation to talk
to the child (on a completely unrelated subject) while you stand there
hopefully waiting to hear the end of the story you were being told.
Absolutely no reprimand - the child is in complete charge.

All children need to feel special - how astute of you ... and those children
and their mommies were blessed.

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"KI Graham" wrote in message
news:n2AXf.209193$sa3.33853@pd7tw1no...
Of course there are different sets of manners for different occasions:
that's part of the fun. If you know the rules, you can play the social
"game." And no one likes [or likes to be] a bad sport! I had an afternoon
"tea party" for 8 six-eight year old girls and their moms a couple of
summers ago. Formal invitations mailed to each child AND to each mom;
linen table cloths and napkins, my very best china and crystal. Party
dresses mandatory [for moms too.] Each attendee received a broad-brimmed
straw hat trimmed with ribbons to match her dress that she decorated with
matching silk flowers. We had sandwiches without the crusts, and meringues
and fruit and lemon-ginger scones with homemade lemon curd AND we all had
our very very best manners.

At the very beginning, I told all the girls the rules: try everything on
your plate and don't make comments if you don't like something; when
fingers are okay, when to use your knife and fork; remember the please and
thank you and to call people by their names....and it was "Mrs. Graham"
[not Kim] and "Miss Natasha" [not just Tasha]. Two and a half hours on a
hot sunny day on my back deck. No one broke anything, no one complained,
no one cried, no one even raised her voice!

At the end of the afternoon, each of the girls got to take her china cup
and saucer home. It was wonderful! On Sunday [when we all wore our hats
to church!], almost all the DADS came up to say "Thank you. You made my
little girl feel very special."

--
Kim Graham
http://members.shaw.ca/kigraham
Nanaimo, BC, Canada
THE WORD IN PATCHWORK

"Tia Mary" wrote in message
...
Roberta Zollner wrote:

I disagree that there are different sets of manners for home -start as
you mean to go on! One's family deserves polite and respectful behavior
just as much as strangers in a restaurant. And children who are polite
at home feel no stress when out in public.
Roberta in D

I didn't say that kids should be allowed to be rude or disrespectful
at home just that they don't have to be on their *best* behaviour. Even
we adults have different sets of rules and behaviours for different
social situations.
By teaching small children just exactly WHAT the different sets of
rules are, we encourage them to be critical thinkers and look at their
surroundings to determine just which set of behaviours are the most
appropriate. Even at school, kids are expected to behave differently in
the classroom, the playground and the cafeteria. There are certain rules
that DO apply in ALL situations (there is no excuse for rudeness &
disrespect) but I don't really believe that there is just one set of
general rules for ALL situations. CiaoMeow ^;;^

.... but what if the neighbor kid was on your lawn bleeding ....
????

I learned this lesson the hard way - my DS came home from school and quietly
went to his room, dropped off his book bag, went to the refridgerator for a
snack and then calmly advised me (as he went out the door) that his 14 year
old sister was in a fight with 2 girls on our front lawn. I went outside
and found her underneath 3 girls who had bloodied her face and chipped her
tooth. When I asked DS why he didn't tell me when he first came in, he
replied: "Well you always tell us, if I'M not bleedin' ...." I immediately
rescinded that rule. Later, during the long, angst filled, agony of
adolescence you will wish for them to interrupt you just to talk ... about
anything. I found out years later what they had actually been up to and
wished a thousand times that they hadn't been so well mannered.
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"Kate Dicey" wrote in message
...
Sally Swindells wrote:

Another thing that really gets to me are children who interrupt when
you are talking to their parents - often by jumping up and down and
pulling at parent's sleeve - the parents stop the conversation to talk
to the child (on a completely unrelated subject) while you stand there
hopefully waiting to hear the end of the story you were being told.
Absolutely no reprimand - the child is in complete charge.

Akk! I too hate that. Mind gets told off for it and made to wait
CHEERFULLY! Sulking is Not Allowed.

We have a friend's daughter who still does this at 18, tho she doesn't
jump up and down any more! What has always surprised me is that her
mother is a teacher, but the crowd control obviously doesn't go as far
as home!

My Goddaughter's mum turned to her once when she interrupted us and asked:
are you bleeding or dying? On being told no, GD was told: then wait
quietly until WE want to hear you! Next time, with the same question, she
said yes, naturally. We said in one voice, Then do it quietly! She got
the message. We are/were both teachers with experience of sink schools.


--
Kate XXXXXX R.C.T.Q Madame Chef des Trolls
Lady Catherine, Wardrobe Mistress of the Chocolate Buttons
http://www.katedicey.co.uk
Click on Kate's Pages and explore!

Obviously nobody needs a mailed invitation to family dinner every evening,
and we mostly don't wear party clothes, and the food isn't always fancy, but
my children used the good china, set on a tablecloth, with candles, a
napkin, and cutlery/ glasses as required. And the rules were exactly as you
described every single night. Plus they were required to sit up straight,
participate in conversation, and help clear the table afterwards. They never
had any trouble with good manners in public. I lost a plate or 2 and an
occasional glass when they were very young, but considered it a cheap
tuition fee.

I love the idea of decorating hats to match the dress!
Roberta in D

"KI Graham" schrieb im Newsbeitrag
news:n2AXf.209193$sa3.33853@pd7tw1no...
Of course there are different sets of manners for different occasions:
that's part of the fun. If you know the rules, you can play the social
"game." And no one likes [or likes to be] a bad sport! I had an afternoon
"tea party" for 8 six-eight year old girls and their moms a couple of
summers ago. Formal invitations mailed to each child AND to each mom;
linen table cloths and napkins, my very best china and crystal. Party
dresses mandatory [for moms too.] Each attendee received a broad-brimmed
straw hat trimmed with ribbons to match her dress that she decorated with
matching silk flowers. We had sandwiches without the crusts, and meringues
and fruit and lemon-ginger scones with homemade lemon curd AND we all had
our very very best manners.

At the very beginning, I told all the girls the rules: try everything on
your plate and don't make comments if you don't like something; when
fingers are okay, when to use your knife and fork; remember the please and
thank you and to call people by their names....and it was "Mrs. Graham"
[not Kim] and "Miss Natasha" [not just Tasha]. Two and a half hours on a
hot sunny day on my back deck. No one broke anything, no one complained,
no one cried, no one even raised her voice!

At the end of the afternoon, each of the girls got to take her china cup
and saucer home. It was wonderful! On Sunday [when we all wore our hats
to church!], almost all the DADS came up to say "Thank you. You made my
little girl feel very special."

--
Kim Graham
http://members.shaw.ca/kigraham
Nanaimo, BC, Canada
THE WORD IN PATCHWORK

"Tia Mary" wrote in message
...
Roberta Zollner wrote:

I disagree that there are different sets of manners for home -start as
you mean to go on! One's family deserves polite and respectful behavior
just as much as strangers in a restaurant. And children who are polite
at home feel no stress when out in public.
Roberta in D

I didn't say that kids should be allowed to be rude or disrespectful
at home just that they don't have to be on their *best* behaviour. Even
we adults have different sets of rules and behaviours for different
social situations.
By teaching small children just exactly WHAT the different sets of
rules are, we encourage them to be critical thinkers and look at their
surroundings to determine just which set of behaviours are the most
appropriate. Even at school, kids are expected to behave differently in
the classroom, the playground and the cafeteria. There are certain rules
that DO apply in ALL situations (there is no excuse for rudeness &
disrespect) but I don't really believe that there is just one set of
general rules for ALL situations. CiaoMeow ^;;^

Kate Dicey wrote:
.... My Goddaughter's mum turned to her once when she interrupted us and
asked: are you bleeding or dying? On being told no, GD was told: then
wait quietly until WE want to hear you! Next time, with the same
question, she said yes, naturally. We said in one voice, Then do it
quietly! She got the message. We are/were both teachers with
experience of sink schools.


I taught DD and she is teaching SMDGD about taking turns. The little
one WILL interrupt (she's not even three yet) and when she does, she is
told that she must wait for her turn to speak. I think little ones need
to know that what they have to say is "important" but they they can't be
rude and interrupt whenever they want. The SMDGD still interrupts but
when she is reminded that's it's Mommy's turn to talk so she has to wait
so does so very patiently and is a good girl.
I taught DD (when she was little, of course) that if she wanted to
say something when I was talking to someone else, she should stand next
to me and give a little tug on my clothing. I would look at her and nod
my head to let her know I "got the message". Then, when I was finished
with whatever it is I was saying, I would turn to DD and ask her if she
had something she wanted to say. This way she knew she would get her
chance to be involved in the "big people's" conversation (which is
natural for kids) but she would have to do it in a polite, respectful
manner. I'll have to remind DD of this and see if she wants to use it
on the SMDGD. CiaoMeow ^;;^

SNIGDIBBLY wrote:

.... but what if the neighbor kid was on your lawn bleeding ....
????

I learned this lesson the hard way - my DS came home from school and quietly
went to his room, dropped off his book bag, went to the refridgerator for a
snack and then calmly advised me (as he went out the door) that his 14 year
old sister was in a fight with 2 girls on our front lawn. I went outside
and found her underneath 3 girls who had bloodied her face and chipped her
tooth. When I asked DS why he didn't tell me when he first came in, he
replied: "Well you always tell us, if I'M not bleedin' ...." I immediately
rescinded that rule. Later, during the long, angst filled, agony of
adolescence you will wish for them to interrupt you just to talk ... about
anything. I found out years later what they had actually been up to and
wished a thousand times that they hadn't been so well mannered.

Ah... Well, a real emergency, it has always been emphasised, is an
exception. Usually a squawk of BLOOD! or EMERGENCY! will do fine. I've
dealt with a few, in school and out.

--
Kate XXXXXX R.C.T.Q Madame Chef des Trolls
Lady Catherine, Wardrobe Mistress of the Chocolate Buttons
http://www.katedicey.co.uk
Click on Kate's Pages and explore!

Roberta Zollner wrote:

Obviously nobody needs a mailed invitation to family dinner every evening,
and we mostly don't wear party clothes, and the food isn't always fancy, but
my children used the good china, set on a tablecloth, with candles, a
napkin, and cutlery/ glasses as required. And the rules were exactly as you
described every single night. Plus they were required to sit up straight,
participate in conversation, and help clear the table afterwards. They never
had any trouble with good manners in public. I lost a plate or 2 and an
occasional glass when they were very young, but considered it a cheap
tuition fee.

My mum taught me that cheap china that breaks makes a better lesson than
plastic that bounces. We now use good china and glasses all the time,
even in the garden, and have very few breakages.

I love the idea of decorating hats to match the dress!
Roberta in D

Me too! And possibly place cards or mats as well...

"KI Graham" schrieb im Newsbeitrag
news:n2AXf.209193$sa3.33853@pd7tw1no...

Of course there are different sets of manners for different occasions:
that's part of the fun. If you know the rules, you can play the social
"game." And no one likes [or likes to be] a bad sport! I had an afternoon
"tea party" for 8 six-eight year old girls and their moms a couple of
summers ago. Formal invitations mailed to each child AND to each mom;
linen table cloths and napkins, my very best china and crystal. Party
dresses mandatory [for moms too.] Each attendee received a broad-brimmed
straw hat trimmed with ribbons to match her dress that she decorated with
matching silk flowers. We had sandwiches without the crusts, and meringues
and fruit and lemon-ginger scones with homemade lemon curd AND we all had
our very very best manners.

At the very beginning, I told all the girls the rules: try everything on
your plate and don't make comments if you don't like something; when
fingers are okay, when to use your knife and fork; remember the please and
thank you and to call people by their names....and it was "Mrs. Graham"
[not Kim] and "Miss Natasha" [not just Tasha]. Two and a half hours on a
hot sunny day on my back deck. No one broke anything, no one complained,
no one cried, no one even raised her voice!

At the end of the afternoon, each of the girls got to take her china cup
and saucer home. It was wonderful! On Sunday [when we all wore our hats
to church!], almost all the DADS came up to say "Thank you. You made my
little girl feel very special."

--
Kim Graham
http://members.shaw.ca/kigraham
Nanaimo, BC, Canada
THE WORD IN PATCHWORK

"Tia Mary" wrote in message
...

Roberta Zollner wrote:


I disagree that there are different sets of manners for home -start as
you mean to go on! One's family deserves polite and respectful behavior
just as much as strangers in a restaurant. And children who are polite
at home feel no stress when out in public.
Roberta in D

I didn't say that kids should be allowed to be rude or disrespectful
at home just that they don't have to be on their *best* behaviour. Even
we adults have different sets of rules and behaviours for different
social situations.
By teaching small children just exactly WHAT the different sets of
rules are, we encourage them to be critical thinkers and look at their
surroundings to determine just which set of behaviours are the most
appropriate. Even at school, kids are expected to behave differently in
the classroom, the playground and the cafeteria. There are certain rules
that DO apply in ALL situations (there is no excuse for rudeness &
disrespect) but I don't really believe that there is just one set of
general rules for ALL situations. CiaoMeow ^;;^






--
Kate XXXXXX R.C.T.Q Madame Chef des Trolls
Lady Catherine, Wardrobe Mistress of the Chocolate Buttons
http://www.katedicey.co.uk
Click on Kate's Pages and explore!

SNIGDIBBLY wrote:

Dr. Foster Cline does some wonderful seminars on Child Psychology. His
thesis is that the Psyche is completely formed in the first 3 years of life.
If one's needs are met in a loving way during that time, most of us will
turn out as happy, well-functioning adults. If a child doesn't receive the
necessary nurturing, basic needs, etc during that time then they will act
out in aberrent ways when the begin their adolescent development and young
adulthood. That's why it is always a bad idea to leave a child alone in
their crib and allow them to "cry it out."

He's the one who also said, with tongue firmly planted in cheek, that
children are temporarily insane between the ages of 12 and 25 and should be
institutionalized because they are a danger to selves and others. LOL!! If
you ever get a chance to see him in a workshop or seminar - please go.

So mum was right after all: it really DOES take 25 years to civilize a
baby... I'm glad I only have one!

--
Kate XXXXXX R.C.T.Q Madame Chef des Trolls
Lady Catherine, Wardrobe Mistress of the Chocolate Buttons
http://www.katedicey.co.uk
Click on Kate's Pages and explore!

LOL!!!

--
http://community.webshots.com/user/snigdibbly
SNIGDIBBLY
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"Kate Dicey" wrote in message
...
SNIGDIBBLY wrote:

.... but what if the neighbor kid was on your lawn bleeding ....
????

I learned this lesson the hard way - my DS came home from school and
quietly went to his room, dropped off his book bag, went to the
refridgerator for a snack and then calmly advised me (as he went out the
door) that his 14 year old sister was in a fight with 2 girls on our
front lawn. I went outside and found her underneath 3 girls who had
bloodied her face and chipped her tooth. When I asked DS why he didn't
tell me when he first came in, he replied: "Well you always tell us, if
I'M not bleedin' ...." I immediately rescinded that rule. Later, during
the long, angst filled, agony of adolescence you will wish for them to
interrupt you just to talk ... about anything. I found out years later
what they had actually been up to and wished a thousand times that they
hadn't been so well mannered.

Ah... Well, a real emergency, it has always been emphasised, is an
exception. Usually a squawk of BLOOD! or EMERGENCY! will do fine. I've
dealt with a few, in school and out.

--
Kate XXXXXX R.C.T.Q Madame Chef des Trolls
Lady Catherine, Wardrobe Mistress of the Chocolate Buttons
http://www.katedicey.co.uk
Click on Kate's Pages and explore!

.... some take longer, LOL!! In my work with deviant parents of abused
children I saw something occur over and over - it was magical - at age 35,
parents with families who had been in our system since the birth of the
first child suddenly "got it" and cases would close. Don't know what it is
but something magical happens abou the age of 35. My youngest turns 35 this
November.

--
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SNIGDIBBLY
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"Kate Dicey" wrote in message
...
SNIGDIBBLY wrote:

Dr. Foster Cline does some wonderful seminars on Child Psychology. His
thesis is that the Psyche is completely formed in the first 3 years of
life. If one's needs are met in a loving way during that time, most of us
will turn out as happy, well-functioning adults. If a child doesn't
receive the necessary nurturing, basic needs, etc during that time then
they will act out in aberrent ways when the begin their adolescent
development and young adulthood. That's why it is always a bad idea to
leave a child alone in their crib and allow them to "cry it out."

He's the one who also said, with tongue firmly planted in cheek, that
children are temporarily insane between the ages of 12 and 25 and should
be institutionalized because they are a danger to selves and others.
LOL!! If you ever get a chance to see him in a workshop or seminar -
please go.

So mum was right after all: it really DOES take 25 years to civilize a
baby... I'm glad I only have one!

--
Kate XXXXXX R.C.T.Q Madame Chef des Trolls
Lady Catherine, Wardrobe Mistress of the Chocolate Buttons
http://www.katedicey.co.uk
Click on Kate's Pages and explore!