OT Humour - Written & Spoken English

Val

I just LOVE that sign. I wish more people were like you!!
And I am willing to place a substantial wager that your kids
(OK - maybe secretly!) appreciated having clear rules and
limits.



I never had to deal with kids, but I had a different type of
"Sign" that I used to hang on my front door when I was in
the Air Force. I had visitors (guests, not duty visits)
when I lived off-base from all ranks and civilians, at all
hours, and there were ground rules at my house(s) too!

This sign (with minor variations according to location) hung
on the door of 8 houses over 10 years.

___________________________

Within this house “Houe Rules” apply absolutely.



There is only one “House Rule” - it’s my house so I make
the rules.



This residence is run solely for the benefit of the cats
(hereafter referred to as the “Rulers of All They Survey” or
"Rulers").



I (Cheryl, hereafter referred to as “Management”) am
graciously permitted me to reside with them for the purpose
of opening tins, packets and doors.



The Rulers have right of way in all areas.



If you upset the Rulers they will take it out on Management
and then Management will get upset (and you really don’t
want to upset me because I am a trained killer with very
high marksmanship scores).



The following subjects are not to be discussed unless all
present can maintain the proper perspective and sense of
humour required to have a meaningful dialogue:

- Race

- Religion

- Politics

- Anything else Management may choose to add to the
list from time to time



Rank stops at the front door except for duty visits or by
prior arrangement with me – ABSOLUTELY NO EXCEPTIONS.
Senior officers are "encouraged" to remove their rank slides
for the duration of their non-duty visits.



Persons found to be in breach of the above will be subject
to flogging with Management’s choice of soggy newspapers or
used tea bags. Repeat offenders may also be dunked in the
fish pond (when I had a pond) and pelted with stale bread
rolls.



You have been warned.



Welcome to my home!

____________________________________



I have had a 2star rank visitor drop in on the weekend, and
I did not expect the army Corporal from next door to stand
to attention when he walked in. He was introduced and then
I loaned him a sweatshirt to wear. He was there to scrounge
some cookies for his 6yo daughter and she (the CPL) was
there to have a coffee and chat. Everyone knew the rules
(and if they didn't they WERE literally posted on the front
door) and if they didn't like them they could call me
beforehand or stay away!



I only twice killed a subject of conversation that was
getting a bit heated/personal ("take it elsewhere guys"),
and there were no problems after. No-one ever took
advantage of the social situation to say anything
inappropriate to a superior or subordinate, or to a
civilian. And I had only one CO who did not visit without
calling first, so he was always called "Sir" and there was
no discomfort for anyone. My house - pretty much then as
now - was a gathering place for a wide range of people who
often would not meet anywhere else and who always seem to
enjoy their visits.



Rules are NOT bad things. I LIKE rules. They provide
structure. And yes, if you were wondering, there are some
who would call me a "control freak". I have no problem with
that label lol.



Having Rules does not restrict you to living by them
literally, but I believe in avoiding (wherever possible)
breaking a rule through ignorance. That way you will
usually consider the consequences of your actions.

--

Cheryl & the Cats in OZ
o o o o o o
( Y ) ( Y ) and ( Y )
Boofhead Donut Rasputin
http://community.webshots.com/user/witchofthewest
catsatararatATyahooDOTcomDOTau


"Val" wrote in message
(snip)

: In the years after this sign was posted I got only two
phone calls during
: work....
(snip)

These kids actually grew up to be
healthy, well
: adjusted, responsible, resourceful, educated, contributing
adults without
: the use of ubiquitous 'umbilical cord' cell phones. And
the companies I
: worked for got a full day's work for their full day's pay.
Imagine that.
: However,I'm just an old fogy with old fashioned high
standards for work
: ethics and self reliance and intelligent responsibility
and believe, as a
: parent, you should pass this on to your children, but what
do I know.
:
: Well, so much for *that* vent session.....
: Val
:

but but but....
you forgot s.e.x., cant we talk about that?
just ask'n.
duck'n for cover,
jeanne
--
Vote B'fly for President '08
san-fran at ihug dot co dot nz
nzlstar on yahoo msg'r
nzlstar on webshots

"CATS" wrote...
Val
I just LOVE that sign. I wish more people were like you!!
And I am willing to place a substantial wager that your kids
(OK - maybe secretly!) appreciated having clear rules and
limits.

I never had to deal with kids, but I had a different type of
"Sign" that I used to hang on my front door when I was in
the Air Force. I had visitors (guests, not duty visits)
when I lived off-base from all ranks and civilians, at all
hours, and there were ground rules at my house(s) too!

This sign (with minor variations according to location) hung
on the door of 8 houses over 10 years.
___________________________

Within this house "Houe Rules" apply absolutely.

There is only one "House Rule" - it's my house so I make
the rules.

This residence is run solely for the benefit of the cats
(hereafter referred to as the "Rulers of All They Survey" or
"Rulers").

I (Cheryl, hereafter referred to as "Management") am
graciously permitted me to reside with them for the purpose
of opening tins, packets and doors.

The Rulers have right of way in all areas.

If you upset the Rulers they will take it out on Management
and then Management will get upset (and you really don't
want to upset me because I am a trained killer with very
high marksmanship scores).

The following subjects are not to be discussed unless all
present can maintain the proper perspective and sense of
humour required to have a meaningful dialogue:
- Race
- Religion
- Politics
- Anything else Management may choose to add to the
list from time to time

Rank stops at the front door except for duty visits or by
prior arrangement with me - ABSOLUTELY NO EXCEPTIONS.
Senior officers are "encouraged" to remove their rank slides
for the duration of their non-duty visits.

Persons found to be in breach of the above will be subject
to flogging with Management's choice of soggy newspapers or
used tea bags. Repeat offenders may also be dunked in the
fish pond (when I had a pond) and pelted with stale bread
rolls.

You have been warned.
Welcome to my home!
____________________________________

I have had a 2star rank visitor drop in on the weekend, and
I did not expect the army Corporal from next door to stand
to attention when he walked in. He was introduced and then
I loaned him a sweatshirt to wear. He was there to scrounge
some cookies for his 6yo daughter and she (the CPL) was
there to have a coffee and chat. Everyone knew the rules
(and if they didn't they WERE literally posted on the front
door) and if they didn't like them they could call me
beforehand or stay away!
I only twice killed a subject of conversation that was
getting a bit heated/personal ("take it elsewhere guys"),
and there were no problems after. No-one ever took
advantage of the social situation to say anything
inappropriate to a superior or subordinate, or to a
civilian. And I had only one CO who did not visit without
calling first, so he was always called "Sir" and there was
no discomfort for anyone. My house - pretty much then as
now - was a gathering place for a wide range of people who
often would not meet anywhere else and who always seem to
enjoy their visits.
Rules are NOT bad things. I LIKE rules. They provide
structure. And yes, if you were wondering, there are some
who would call me a "control freak". I have no problem with
that label lol.
Having Rules does not restrict you to living by them
literally, but I believe in avoiding (wherever possible)
breaking a rule through ignorance. That way you will
usually consider the consequences of your actions.
--
Cheryl & the Cats in OZ
o o o o o o
( Y ) ( Y ) and ( Y )
Boofhead Donut Rasputin
http://community.webshots.com/user/witchofthewest
catsatararatATyahooDOTcomDOTau

I *love* your rules Val! I did have a little chuckle over some but that was
more due to me remembering what we as kids used to do with regards to
calling our dad at work

I must remember to write up some rules for my kids as soon as they can both
read ;-)
--
Jessamy
Queen of Chocolate Squishies (and Occasional Liquorice Ones)
In The Netherlands
Take out: _I love the colour_ to reply.
www.geocities.com/jessamy_thompson
http://uk.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/jes...pson/my_photos
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
KK, this is NOT a personal attack on your post. Parents at work on cells to
their kids and who knows who else has become so very common. Several
companies around here have started trying to ban personal cell phones at
work because of disruptions and productive down time. I'm pretty much, with
few exceptions, on the side of the employer on this one.

I drove a truck working heavy construction and any phone calls to me went
through my dispatcher and were conveyed over the open company radios. Any
sort of personal communication devices where absolutely forbidden on the job
sites. This company wasn't cold hearted BUT there was a job to get done, you
were getting paid to do it, time IS money and superfluous outside
interruptions weren't tolerated for long. If there was an about to deliver
pregnant wife or serious family illness or crisis you let them know when you
got to work and they would patch these private calls directly to the
foreman's cell, he'd find you, hand his cell to you out on the job and
usually say...park your equipment, get in my truck, you need to go home,
hospital or where ever while you were talking and he was driving you to your
personal vehicle. You knew when most people were getting a phone message
delivered when the dispatcher said "land line your half" (spouse) or "land
line your 4" (call home). It didn't take too many of these to be looking for
another job if those calls damned well weren't emergencies. We were being
paid to work. If your family could not be left on a regular daily basis
without supervision you had the choice to hire a sitter, get a caretaker,
put them in daycare or find alternate employment. Men getting constant calls
from wives or significant others weren't tolerated either. My first dispatch
message to call my '4' required having to park my truck, get the foreman's
pick-up, drive to the company trailer office phone and call home only to
find out that the party of the first part wanted to know if he could go have
dinner at the home of the party of the second part. "NO! We'll talk when I
get home." *CLICK* When I got home I let them know I was WORKING. At work
I am NOT a parent unless there is an EMERGENCY. This clearly printed sign
was then posted on the kitchen bulletin board above the chore lists.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
EMERGENCY** CALLS ONLY!! (for your own health, well being and longevity read
this carefully and often)

Dispatch.....### - #### (phone number)

** Emergencies are only; hard labor, gun shots, broken bones, bleeding,
fire, flood

HARD LABOR pertains to ''child birth" not chore disputes.....not applicable,
NOT an emergency

GUN SHOTS.......call 911 and stay low.

BROKEN BONES......call 911 then call dispatch or have ER call dispatch. I'll
meet you at the ER.

BLEEDING.....arterial bleeding only.....veins flow (apply firm direct
pressure and mop up the floor) arteries pump, apply VERY firm direct
pressure, call 911 then call dispatch.....in that order. If blood is flowing
faster than you can mop, refer to 'arterial bleeding'. I'll meet you at the
ER.

FIRE......if you can't put it out in less than 5 seconds call 911 and leave
the house, call dispatch from the neighbor's house.......if you can put it
out clean things up before I get home.

FLOOD.....you know where the main water line shut off valve is, USE IT! Mop
up the mess before I get home. If flooding is from a source other than our
home call 911 and grab something that floats and hang on until I get home or
the choppers pick you up.

Emergency calls do NOT begin with or include phrases such as....Can I....He
said.....He did.....How do I.....I wanna.....Where did you put.....I can't
find....Need bail money....etc.

You have been blessed by emerging from a gene pool of exceptional
intelligence......Deal with it!

All off home ground activities will be approved 24 hours before said
activity....approval for "I forgot to ask/tell you" activities is NOT an
emergency.

Unless you have approval to receive mail at this address you do not have
approval to be at this address while parent is not at home unless prior
approval has been granted.......requesting approval is NOT an emergency.

All minors better be on home ground and chores done when parent arrives home
unless missing minor was abducted. (Abductions: call 911 then call
dispatch.)

Any and all violators of these rules will be dealt with accordingly when
your VERY ticked off mother gets home from WORK. It will NOT be pretty.

I Love You ALL very much, Mom
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the years after this sign was posted I got only two phone calls during
work....one from the school telling me my child was on his way to the ER;
skate boarding down an outdoor stair railing; broken arm. I immediately left
work, legitimate emergency. THE boss-man even offered to drive me to the
hospital if I was too upset. Like I said, they weren't without heart. The
second was from the local Seattle PD precinct with a laughing desk Sgt.
telling me the boys had ridden their bikes (big no-no since leaving the home
ground property for recreational purposes without prior permission was
STRONGLY discouraged) through a car wash and were in tears (these are 3
young teen-age boys, mind you), practically on their knees praying and
begging to just be locked up in jail but pullllll-eeeeeeze DON'T call Mom at
work. I was then assured they were safe and sound, even being fed and
sitting in the day room. I could pick them up after work....which I
did.....no charges were filed and the officers where still laughing about
them when I got there. These kids actually grew up to be healthy, well
adjusted, responsible, resourceful, educated, contributing adults without
the use of ubiquitous 'umbilical cord' cell phones. And the companies I
worked for got a full day's work for their full day's pay. Imagine that.
However,I'm just an old fogy with old fashioned high standards for work
ethics and self reliance and intelligent responsibility and believe, as a
parent, you should pass this on to your children, but what do I know.

Well, so much for *that* vent session.....
Val

"CATS" wrote in message
...
The one English name that always had me bemused was the
terribly upper crust name of "St John". How that ever
became "Sinjun" in an environment that imposes such a
stylised and demanding pronunciation system had me beat
until I was told it was derived from the Norman/French
pronunciation - hence the "slurring" of the Saint. But I
have never heard it in relation to place names like "St
John's Wood".
What about Cholmondley pronounced Chumley.
Worcester....Wooster
Bicester.........Bister
Salisbury..........Sallsbury
It goes on and on.
Ruth
Sydney

Houston ....
in georgia (state of, usa) pronounced houseton
in texas, (no comment on) pronounced hueston

klh in va

recarlos wrote:

"CATS" wrote in message
...
The one English name that always had me bemused was the


terribly upper crust name of "St John". How that ever
became "Sinjun" in an environment that imposes such a
stylised and demanding pronunciation system had me beat
until I was told it was derived from the Norman/French
pronunciation - hence the "slurring" of the Saint. But I
have never heard it in relation to place names like "St
John's Wood".


What about Cholmondley pronounced Chumley.
Worcester....Wooster
Bicester.........Bister
Salisbury..........Sallsbury
It goes on and on.
Ruth
Sydney

If you can pronounce correctly every word in this poem, you
will be speaking English better than 90% of the native
English speakers in the world. *After trying the verses, a
Frenchman said he'd prefer six months of hard labour to
reading six lines aloud. Try them yourself.

All this BEFORE you start to deal with accents!!

Forwarded with sympathy for all those on the ng who have
English as a second language!

--
Best Regards
pat on the hill

Pat, I've searched this thread thoroughly; has no one mentioned the
Aussie pronunciation of 'khaki'?

rusty (who has an official half-Aussie daughter now; she received her
dual citizenship last month(g))

Houston, MN, is pronounced the same as Houston, TX. Wonder if we could
get that changed

Julia in MN

klh in VA wrote:
Houston ....
in georgia (state of, usa) pronounced /house/ton
in texas, (no comment on) pronounced /hues/ton

klh in va

recarlos wrote:
"CATS" wrote in message
...
The one English name that always had me bemused was the

terribly upper crust name of "St John". How that ever
became "Sinjun" in an environment that imposes such a
stylised and demanding pronunciation system had me beat
until I was told it was derived from the Norman/French
pronunciation - hence the "slurring" of the Saint. But I
have never heard it in relation to place names like "St
John's Wood".

What about Cholmondley pronounced Chumley.
Worcester....Wooster
Bicester.........Bister
Salisbury..........Sallsbury
It goes on and on.
Ruth
Sydney





--
This message has been scanned for viruses by Norton Anti-Virus

http://webpages.charter.net/jaccola/

In Idaho, we have a tiny little town, mostly just a post office, spelled
Huston - pronounced like Houston, Texis (as Sairey spells it!)
--
Donna in Idaho

"Julia in MN" wrote in message
...
Houston, MN, is pronounced the same as Houston, TX. Wonder if we could get
that changed

Julia in MN

klh in VA wrote:
Houston ....
in georgia (state of, usa) pronounced /house/ton
in texas, (no comment on) pronounced /hues/ton

klh in va

recarlos wrote:
"CATS" wrote in message
...
The one English name that always had me bemused was the

terribly upper crust name of "St John". How that ever
became "Sinjun" in an environment that imposes such a
stylised and demanding pronunciation system had me beat
until I was told it was derived from the Norman/French
pronunciation - hence the "slurring" of the Saint. But I
have never heard it in relation to place names like "St
John's Wood".

What about Cholmondley pronounced Chumley.
Worcester....Wooster
Bicester.........Bister
Salisbury..........Sallsbury
It goes on and on.
Ruth
Sydney




--
This message has been scanned for viruses by Norton Anti-Virus

http://webpages.charter.net/jaccola/

No, Rusty! they haven't.
I think that might be a step too far gg
..
In message .com,
rusty writes
Pat, I've searched this thread thoroughly; has no one mentioned the
Aussie pronunciation of 'khaki'?

rusty (who has an official half-Aussie daughter now; she received her
dual citizenship last month(g))


--
Best Regards
pat on the hill

I have heard Aussies say either car-key or ca-key (like cat
without the "t")

So which one are you snickering at ladies lol

--

Cheryl & the Cats in OZ
o o o o o o
( Y ) ( Y ) and ( Y )
Boofhead Donut Rasputin
http://community.webshots.com/user/witchofthewest
catsatararatATyahooDOTcomDOTau


"Patti" wrote in message
...
: No, Rusty! they haven't.
: I think that might be a step too far gg
: .
: In message
.com,
: rusty writes
: Pat, I've searched this thread thoroughly; has no one
mentioned the
: Aussie pronunciation of 'khaki'?
:
: rusty (who has an official half-Aussie daughter now; she
received her
: dual citizenship last month(g))
:
:
: --
: Best Regards
: pat on the hill