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#61
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OH THAT'S GOOOOD.
Mom were you in the room when we made the baby? ~~ Sooz ------- ESBC ~ Dr. Sooz's Bead Links http://airandearth.netfirms.com/soozlinkslist.html ~ Bead Notes: Beading information A - Z http://www.lampwork.net/beadnotes.html |
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#62
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Sooz,
I completely agree with you on the population part. I don't understand why population control is a taboo subject. Overpopulation is theeeeeeee reason for all of our environmental and some of our social problems. ( You will notice that I only have one child; my strong feelings on this subject are part of the reason). I think we value personal freedom so much that we are afraid of stepping on peoples toes. We don't want to come off like China and their one child law. Having said that, genetic children are a need many of us feel. It is amazing to see that this little person looks just like your ancestors and often has their characteristics. The miracle of birth is not just a cliche. The problem is when people have too many children or have children they don't care for. KathyH "Dr. Sooz" wrote in message ... 3. Think long and hard about the sterilization. What if, god forbid, you were in an accident and you lost your children. Okay.....Why is it that people need to create genetic children in order to be fulfilled as parents? There are over 6 billion people on this Earth. There were less than 3 billion when I was born! Is no one paying attention to this? ~~ Sooz ------- ESBC ~ Dr. Sooz's Bead Links http://airandearth.netfirms.com/soozlinkslist.html ~ Bead Notes: Beading information A - Z http://www.lampwork.net/beadnotes.html |
#63
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Karlee,
I am suggesting that you can replace a child, and I should have made that clear. I can only tell you what I am observing in my friends who lost their daughter and now wish for a second child. They wanted two children, they now only have one. Of course they can't replace their daughter, but there were reasons for them wanting 2 children. Of course, I completely understand and respect your decision. I just thought relating my freind's experience might be of use to you. You have very sound reasons for your decision. Obviously you have not made it lightly. I wish you had a more cooperative mother. Sounds like nothing has been real easy with her for you. KathyH "Karlee in Kansas" wrote in message ... | 3. Think long and hard about the sterilization. What if, god forbid, you | were in an accident and you lost your children. IMO, my kids could not be replaced. By the time I recovered from the grief as much as one can after loosing a child, of loosing them, I would most likely be too old to give birth again. I feel that my kids are a gift to me from a Higher Power, and if the Higher Power thinks that their "number is up" then I will mourn them, remember them, and celebrate the short time that I had them. Knowing how I deal with grief, I probably would never want to try to have more. I will probably feel that my role as a parent was only supposed to last that long. There is also adoption. I could adopt. I could take a child that has no parents and give them parents. I think that its impossible for me to love an adopted child less than a genetic child. Maybe I have a weird point of view on this, but I'm just basing it on the fact that I was born to a 14 year old child...she gave me up for adoption because she knew that she couldn't provide for me all the things that I would need provided. I'm grateful because I didn't have to be a burden to a 14 yo child, and I'm also grateful that there were people out there that couldn't have kids that decided that they would love me and treat me like I *was* a genetic child. Even as many problems that I have with my parents, as big of a PITA my mom can be, as nosy, pushy, opinionated, rude as she can be, I still love her. I have never seen her as anything besides my mom, and if it weren't for her, I could have wound up a child of the state, bouncing from foster home to foster home, never having much to call my own, not knowing what it feels like to have a mom kiss your boo boo's, and not having someone to turn to when you *really* need them (yes, she has been there for me most of the time when I really needed her.), or having someone to turn to for advice. If it wasn't for mom, I probably would still burn water and mix the reds in with the whites. There are a lot of babies born each year to young, unwed mothers, or families that just aren't ready emotionally or financially to raise a kid, and the kid gets put up for adoption. A lot of them never wind up with a family to call their own. That is why DH and I decided that adoption is an option if we decide that we want more kids. We could do for another child what was done for me. Give them a forever family, one that will always be "theirs" even if they aren't genetically related. Give them a stable loving family. I know of several couples in my community that are fully capable of having kids, but decided to adopt instead. I know of one family that they had one child genetically, she had a rough pregnancy and delivery, and from that point on, they adopted. They have 4 kids now, 3 of them are adopted. I'm a big "pro choice" person (not my body, not my choice type of thing....even though the "other" alternative saddens me deeply), and don't hesitate to talk about adoption to my young friends that get pregnant and don't want to keep the baby. I tell them my own story, and my best friends story (She and her brother and sister were also adopted, all of them got adopted by the same family), as a way to try to show them that there are other options and there are people out there that can give their child the home that they deserve. My friends call me the "adoption advocate". I also talk to them about how hard it is to be a mom....especially a single one. I let them know that its their choice, and regardless of how I feel about their choice, I will be there for them. Then I help them find methods of birth control that work for them, and that they won't have a problem sticking to. (two such young ladies I was there for during their pregnancy and delivery (their parents wanted nothing to do with it), and helped both of them find resources for birth control (one kept her baby, one chose adoption)) Yes, DH and I wanted another baby, but we also decided early in the pregnancy, after much prayer, thought and sessions with both chaplains and therapists, that we would have no more than three kids. The having the third kid was totally dependant on how this particular pregnancy went. If this pregnancy was rough on me like the first was, that is where we were stopping, and one or both of us was going to get fixed. DH offered. I didn't have to suggest the thought to him, and I have even tried to talk HIM out of it despite my desire to have the tubal. We decided to both get fixed because if one method is pretty good, then two methods would be better. The chances of getting pregnant after the woman has had a tubal and the man has had a vasectomy are astronomical according to the doc. She said in all her years as an OBGYN, she has NEVER seen a woman get pregnant after both parties have been sterilized. I hope that you can see my point of view a little better now... Hugs Karlee in Kansas |
#64
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Okay, I've got it. Don't tell them when you go into labor. Call them after
the baby is born. KathyH "Karlee in Kansas" wrote in message ... Ummm, yeah, I can completely oust one grandmother. After her history of abuse towards me and my son (previous marriage), her nieces, nephews, and her OWN kids, I'm not going to put my kids through that. Besides, once the baby is born, my son from the previous marriage will drop off the planet in her eyes. There will be no Christmas cards, no hugs, no birthday wishes for him. Her actions towards me in the last few months, and her actions towards children in general, do not warrant her getting any kind of rights. (I have already talked to a lawyer about this in case she decides to pursue it by those means) I don't reward my kid for bad behavior, and I'm not going to reward her for bad behavior. She has called me every name in the book, tried to get DH to divorce me (none of her "evidence" was provable by her, and DH knows me better than that anyway), hurt my son so deeply that he wants nothing to do with her (at 6 no less....and mandated to me that if he EVER had to be around her again, he was moving to his dad's house), she has lied to me, she has lied to DH, and recently he completely disowned her. My mother does not get everything that she wants from me. She gets to take my son when it is convenient for me and DH, not when she gets a wild hair. I don't ask her to baby-sit for me either. My kids, my responsibility. She has been wanting for the past 5 months to come up here and organize and decorate for me (according to her I can't do either with any aptitude) and since we have been here, hasn't made so much as a trip by the house because I don't want her to. My mother is only allowed the freedoms that I give her with my family. If she were to pull the same stunts that DH's mom has pulled, she wouldn't be allowed near the kids either. I have said before that I know that I can't protect my children from everything. I *can* however protect them from abuse at the hands of this woman. Simple solution to a simple problem. Don't let the kids near the abuser. Hugs Karlee in Kansas -- Visit my web page! www.angelfire.com/ks3/karlee/index.html Our family page: http://groups.msn.com/brennanfamilypage -- "Christina Peterson" wrote in message news:1058382803.380240@prawn... | I have two observations, Karlee. 1. Don't let yourself get too defensive. | It's hard to think clearly when you are reacting. And 2. It is reasonable | to state that partly out of fairness, you don't want to completely oust one | grandmother, and then let the other one have everything she wants. And this | is true too. | | Tina | | | "Karlee in Kansas" wrote in message | ... | | | | Maybe you could let your mom and dh's parents in | | a few hours after for a short visit just to see the new babe and then | ask if | | they'll wait till you are home, or maybe you'll decide the next day you | might | | want them to visit. | | Good idea in theory, but mom won't leave when asked. Not when I ask her | anyway. Its like I don't have a brain and | can't deicide for myself when I've had enough. She is more impossible to | deal with than a brick wall at times. | | DH's mother WILL NOT be allowed ANYWHERE near me for a long damn time. | She won't be able to get on ft riley after next | month. Period. Please, don't think for one damn minute that she will be | allowed to even SEE these kids, ever, much | less while I'm in the hospital. If there is any question on this, there | is a thread about it archived on google (OT | going to be gone UPDATE) that thoroughly explains why I don't want this | bitch near me or the kids. | | If I have a VBAC, I'll be kept for a minimum of 36 hours, and if I have a | c-section I'll be kept for a minimum of 72 | hours. Hospital policy. I say minimum because my doc is threatening | already to keep me double the length that HP | states....due to MAJOR complications after my first delivery (I almost | died because of a staph infection that went to my | brain following surgery) | | Hugs | Karlee in Kansas | | | | |
#65
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"Kathy N-V" wrote in message .com... On Thu, 17 Jul 2003 0:07:20 -0400, Lee S. Billings wrote (in message ): Is that really still true? I wouldn't have thought that would be legal any more... It wouldn't be legal for *government* agencies. Private ones can still get away with it, though. This issue came up on a mailing list a while back, and I actually did some gasp RESEARCH! I called every adoption agency that had a local phone listing, said I was doing a paper for a class, and asked several questions. One of them was, specifically, "Would you place a black or mixed-race child with a white couple?" One or two said yes; one said they would do it only if the bio-mother approved; the others all said no. This is due to a policy statement put out by the Black Social Worker's Association. Some time back, they passed a position statement saying that adoption of black or mixed race kids into white families was akin to ethnic cleansing (or genocide, I can't remember which term, but they were equally offensive). They stated that they'd far rather these kids gain their najority in institutions or foster care than be raised by a white family. Oh, good lord. This is practically criminal. Deliberately deprive a child of a loving home with caring parents because of *racial* considerations? That's like putting race above humanity. I'm sure the child's need to live in a racially homogenous environment *far* outweighs his or her need to be loved, held and made to feel wanted and of value in a permanent home with loving parents. dripping sarcasm there. Sometimes I really wonder when or if the world is going to grow up. Laura |
#66
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Deliberately deprive a child
of a loving home with caring parents because of *racial* considerations? That's like putting race above humanity. Well said!!! Carol in SLC (My stuff - http://members.aol.com/carolinslc/driver1.jpg ) Little sister's new JB auctions 7/12 http://www.justbeads.com/search/ql.cfm?s=63875 |
#67
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I'm trying to condition them for that now...
I haven't called my mom since we got back from the trip to Pennsylvania, but she has called me twice. Tomorrow will be one week since I talked to her (she is now on vacation in NYC), and haven't called my dad while she has been gone. I figure that if she gets used to talking to me once every week or two, then it won't be a signal to her that I'm having/had the baby when I don't talk to her every other day... Course, I may just be shooting myself in the foot with this...but its worth a try. I just hope that someday soon she gets it through her head that I need space, and that I'm not going to let her intrude the way that she has been trying. (side note, she got mad at me when I didn't call her the day after and two days after my wedding day. She couldn't understand that I had "other" things on my mind....) Hugs Karlee in Kansas -- Visit my web page! www.angelfire.com/ks3/karlee/index.html Our family page: http://groups.msn.com/brennanfamilypage -- "mkahogan" wrote in message ... | Okay, I've got it. Don't tell them when you go into labor. Call them after | the baby is born. | KathyH | "Karlee in Kansas" wrote in message | ... | Ummm, yeah, I can completely oust one grandmother. After her history of | abuse towards me and my son (previous | marriage), her nieces, nephews, and her OWN kids, I'm not going to put my | kids through that. Besides, once the baby is | born, my son from the previous marriage will drop off the planet in her | eyes. There will be no Christmas cards, no | hugs, no birthday wishes for him. | | Her actions towards me in the last few months, and her actions towards | children in general, do not warrant her getting | any kind of rights. (I have already talked to a lawyer about this in case | she decides to pursue it by those means) I | don't reward my kid for bad behavior, and I'm not going to reward her for | bad behavior. She has called me every name in | the book, tried to get DH to divorce me (none of her "evidence" was | provable by her, and DH knows me better than that | anyway), hurt my son so deeply that he wants nothing to do with her (at 6 | no less....and mandated to me that if he EVER | had to be around her again, he was moving to his dad's house), she has | lied to me, she has lied to DH, and recently he | completely disowned her. | | My mother does not get everything that she wants from me. She gets to | take my son when it is convenient for me and DH, | not when she gets a wild hair. I don't ask her to baby-sit for me either. | My kids, my responsibility. She has been | wanting for the past 5 months to come up here and organize and decorate | for me (according to her I can't do either with | any aptitude) and since we have been here, hasn't made so much as a trip | by the house because I don't want her to. My | mother is only allowed the freedoms that I give her with my family. If she | were to pull the same stunts that DH's mom | has pulled, she wouldn't be allowed near the kids either. | | I have said before that I know that I can't protect my children from | everything. I *can* however protect them from | abuse at the hands of this woman. Simple solution to a simple problem. | Don't let the kids near the abuser. | | Hugs | Karlee in Kansas | | -- | Visit my web page! www.angelfire.com/ks3/karlee/index.html | Our family page: http://groups.msn.com/brennanfamilypage | | | -- | "Christina Peterson" wrote in message | news:1058382803.380240@prawn... | | I have two observations, Karlee. 1. Don't let yourself get too | defensive. | | It's hard to think clearly when you are reacting. And 2. It is | reasonable | | to state that partly out of fairness, you don't want to completely oust | one | | grandmother, and then let the other one have everything she wants. And | this | | is true too. | | | | Tina | | | | | | "Karlee in Kansas" wrote in message | | ... | | | | | | | Maybe you could let your mom and dh's parents in | | | a few hours after for a short visit just to see the new babe and | then | | ask if | | | they'll wait till you are home, or maybe you'll decide the next day | you | | might | | | want them to visit. | | | | Good idea in theory, but mom won't leave when asked. Not when I ask | her | | anyway. Its like I don't have a brain and | | can't deicide for myself when I've had enough. She is more impossible | to | | deal with than a brick wall at times. | | | | DH's mother WILL NOT be allowed ANYWHERE near me for a long damn time. | | She won't be able to get on ft riley after next | | month. Period. Please, don't think for one damn minute that she will | be | | allowed to even SEE these kids, ever, much | | less while I'm in the hospital. If there is any question on this, | there | | is a thread about it archived on google (OT | | going to be gone UPDATE) that thoroughly explains why I don't want | this | | bitch near me or the kids. | | | | If I have a VBAC, I'll be kept for a minimum of 36 hours, and if I | have a | | c-section I'll be kept for a minimum of 72 | | hours. Hospital policy. I say minimum because my doc is threatening | | already to keep me double the length that HP | | states....due to MAJOR complications after my first delivery (I almost | | died because of a staph infection that went to my | | brain following surgery) | | | | Hugs | | Karlee in Kansas | | | | | | | | | | | | |
#68
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Some time back, they passed a position statement saying that
adoption of black or mixed race kids into white families was akin to ethnic cleansing (or genocid I suppose growing up in an institution or foster families (no offense to foster families, I know there are good ones) are better than letting another race adopt these children? |
#69
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It is actually hard for me to understand the difference between having a
"biological" child and falling in love with one that isn't, but maybe I'll understand more after I have one of my own? This is not a good reason to have kids, IMO. ~~ Sooz ------- ESBC ~ Dr. Sooz's Bead Links http://airandearth.netfirms.com/soozlinkslist.html ~ Bead Notes: Beading information A - Z http://www.lampwork.net/beadnotes.html |
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