As OT as I can get(might bother some)

I don't even know where to start on your experiences, Kathy, so I'm not gonna
try. Just know that my heart breaks for you having lived through them. And it
sings for you having pulled through them.

We have WIC Darian turned 5 this past April, so he's no longer covered, but
Tyler is still in the program. Most months, I don't have to buy(pay money)
milk, and eggs and I can't even recall the last time I had to actually pay for
peanut butter! (we tend to focus on one type of food at a time, and peanut
butter doesn't come around very often, so I have about 3 jars of it, most of
the time.)

We also have an incredibly generous stipend from the state for our food stamps.
Currently, we receive $472 a month in electronic food stamp benefits. We
started at $450 a month, went to $186, and went back up to what it is now when
Adam lost his job in January. Well, it went up in March, because I was
forgetful about getting over to the benefits office. It will most likely go
back down at our next review. So for now, food costs are never an issue.
(That feels so good to know, too!)
Now if I could just _find_ my dang EBT card....*sigh* never let a man take the
food stamp card...it won't come back. I'm waiting to hear back from my social
worker on replacing it.



BTDT, too. When Bob and I were first married, we ate beans and rice pretty
much exclusively for about a year. Sundays were a big treat, because my Mom
or his Mom would invite us to dinner, and we'd pig out. Fortunately for us,
Boston's Haymarket sells fruits and veggies for almost nothing. I remember
buying 15 lbs. of cucumbers for a dollar at the end of a work day, then
trying to get them home on the subway. We enjoyed German gurkensalat for
weeks afterward, though.

We had a similar period of poverty in the months after DD was born, because
her medical conditions were ruinously expensive. A fifteen or twenty dollar
copay doesn't sound like much, until you discover you've had thirty or more
co-pays in the previous month. We had $100/week budgeted for food for all of

us, but DD's special formula cost $140/week. I ate a lot of conference room
leftovers at work for a very long time.

It's too painful for me to go into great detail about the years of hunger and

poverty I had in my teens, when my father split (and didn't pay dime one of
child support). My mother didn't speak much English, had no job skills or
experience, and I got to be the financial support of the household at age 15.

Needless to say, nutrition wasn't a priority.

However, I 'm going to suggest that if money for food is a problem, please
look into WIC, which is probably the most underutilized government program
out there. It provides a very good amount of nutritious food for pregnant
women and children under aged 5. I've steered many people toward WIC, and
the people working for them are uniformly wonderful - and that little bit of
help can make all the difference. Just getting milk, cheese, juice, eggs,
peanut butter, beans and cereal for free will make a big difference in giving

you wiggle room in your food budget. (Heck, at times, that was more than we
were eating in a week!)

The income guidelines are generous, and if you are a single income family,
you likely fall within them. The red tape is minimal - a single form from
the pedi's office (or a public health clinic), birth certs for you and the
kids, and pay stubs for the previous month. A friend of mine works as an
outreach counsellor for WIC, and she tells me that she can often get people
benefits the same day they apply.

It really will be all right. I promise.

Kathy N-V

~Candace~
Orphan Beads Low cost and bartering for the financially challenged beader
http://snipurl.com/6s4t

Oh my Goddess I love you all so much. There, I said it, and it's out. I've
loved you all since damn near the moment I came to this group, and didn't want
to sound creepy, so I didn't say anything.

Now I'm crying again. Damnit Sooz, you're hell on my under eye area.

I think maybe I'll go get a pee test this eveing. What could it hurt? If it
comes out positive, then I know where I stand. If it comes out negative, then
I'm no worse off than I am right now, and I'll just have to keep waiting.


But WE need to know!

I would be scheduling an appt with any OB I could find right now, but none
of
the clinics in this town are open after hours. If Dh misses work (he's
still
on his probationary period) it's a bad, bad thing.

So, the rock is kinda comfy, but the hard place is giving me bruises. ha.


~~
Sooz
-------
"Those in the cheaper seats clap. The rest of you rattle your jewelry." John
Lennon (1940 - 1980) Royal Varieties Performance
~ Dr. Sooz's Bead Links
http://airandearth.netfirms.com/soozlinkslist.html

~Candace~
Orphan Beads Low cost and bartering for the financially challenged beader
http://snipurl.com/6s4t

Kathy N-V wrote:

However, I 'm going to suggest that if money for food is a problem, please
look into WIC, which is probably the most underutilized government program
out there. It provides a very good amount of nutritious food for pregnant
women and children under aged 5.

Absolutely! It's been years since I needed it when I lived in Indiana, but
my husband had cancer at the age of 25, we had two kids aged 3 1/2 and 1, he
was out of work, and the money just evaporated so quickly. Once I'd sold my
wedding rings, there wasn't much left and then I found the WIC program and
other benefits that helped keep us alive and under a roof (although we did
get evicted from our home because I simply didn't know how to find the help
I needed). If you're a resident of the US there are some things you can
apply for, and one of those is WIC if you have small children.

It's been 27 years since that happened and there's been a lot of water under
that bridge but somewhere I still have tucked away the last $1 food coupon
that was left in my handbag when our first benefit check came in from Social
Security after over a year of waiting.

-Su

Alrighty....I'll think of you as Kathy--the Well Annealed Woman. Which would
make you WAW. ha!

snippity

On Wed, 9 Jun 2004 16:38:17 -0400, Candace wrote
(in message ):

I don't even know where to start on your experiences, Kathy, so I'm not
gonna
try. Just know that my heart breaks for you having lived through them.
And
it
sings for you having pulled through them.

Don't feel bad, please. My experiences have made me the person I am today,
and I like that person. I wouldn't even trade away the hard parts for a
moment (and the hard parts aren't the things you'd think they were). Think
of life as an annealing cycle - without the heat, we'd surely be fragile and
not able to be counted upon. I'm simply well-annealed. :-)

Awwww sweetie. Sorry you are having a rough time. I'll send you thoughts
and vibes that whatever happens works for you.

I've never had kids (and not going to) so I can't even fathom all that
you've gone through. Sounds very scary. Please take care of yourself and
know we care.

Feel free to email me if you need to vent or talk.

Big bug hugs!!!

Kathy K
"Candace" wrote in message
...
Well...This is stressing me out, so I figured I'd quit holding it back and
come
tell my friends....

This past weekend..Dh and I had some..."quality time"....for the first
time in
nearly 2 months. Weeeeelllllll we kinda got so caught up in things that
our
trusty birth control stayed right where I put it--on the night table. Of
course, this had to happen at the worst time--the start of my fertile
period.
I mean..RIGHT at the wrong time. And I won't have a definitive sign of
what is
or isn't to come until at least the 20th or so.

Why is this stressing me out, besides the obvious reasons? When I had
Tyler
last year, Doc said to me, word for word, "Candace, you are not allowed to
get
pregnant anymore. Your body can not tolerate another pregnancy, and the
likelihood of you surviving a pregnancy isn't great."

I know I mentioned that I had pre-eclampsia and gestational diabetes with
my
last pregnancy, but I didn't go into particulars. Here are some
highlights:
June, 2002--a wonderful pattern of in the ER, out the ER, for three weeks
solid. I had such severe pain in my lower belly that I couldn't breathe,
blink, think..anything. (All I kept hearing was go home and rest, you
might be
miscarrying. rest?? I had to WORK!)

Thanksgiving night, 2002--I walk into the bedroom that DH, our then 3 yr
old,
and I all shared, where my son was asleep. He slept on a twin mattress,
on the
floor, right in front of the door. All I recall is walking thru the
doorway, a
sharp pain in my head, and the next thing I knew was that my nightgown was
around my waist, and my dad was at my feet, yelling for my husband. I had
passed out, and fallen face first, onto my son's legs. I had been having
such
severe pain in my head (different from my normal migraines) for about two
weeks
prior, and this didn't stop until my Doc gave me narcotics around the end
of
Dec.

Also around Thanksgiving--the swelling began. From November until two
weeks
after I had Tyler (which was on Feb 6, 2003) I couldn't wear shoes, pants,
fitted shirts, underwear, most socks..etc....because I was so swollen. In
the
month of December alone, I gained 18 pounds of water weight. To pass the
time
at home (I was put on bedrest when my Doc combined all of my problems thus
far
with my blood sugar test results) I would press a finger into my calf,
fill the
"bowl" with water, and have ds count the minutes until the water all ran
out.
The longest it took was 28 minutes, I believe. Hey, it was a good way to
entertain the kiddo.

Beginning of January--my BP jumped about a mile. Okay, cut back (even
more) on
activites, stimulation, etc....really, really follow Doc's orders. Didn't
work. Over the next few weeks, it rose until it hit the big one--and the
Docter did some creative paperwork in order to get me scheduled for
induction.
(He did whatever he could to make sure that I didn't go into emergency,
life
threatening status, which would more than likely make me have a
C-sect--the
last thing we wanted was to let things get that far.) Also, the day I
finally
had my son, I was spilling 4+ protein in my U.samples.

There are plenty of other bad things that happened, but none I care to go
into
for the whole world to see
So yeah, pregnancy and my body do not mix, and until now, we've always
been
super careful about avoiding it. So my inner turmoil is made up of many
things
over this--we cannot afford another child, I can't handle another
pregnancy, it
is NOT within me to terminate a pregnancy, and I have always, always
wanted a
daughter, so a tiny part of me is overjoyed at the mere chance of having
one.
I was devasted when Doc said no more, but I had come to terms with it, or
so I
thought. And before anyone asks--I wasn't fixed, and neither was DH
because we
simply couldn't afford it.

I'm sorry if this post bothers anyone, that was not my intention. I just
wanted to talk to someone about this, and it's hard to do that with my
husband,
because I'm stuck being the "Oh honey, don't worry about it until there's
a
reason to" person.

~Candace~
Orphan Beads Low cost and bartering for the financially challenged
beader
http://snipurl.com/6s4t

Thank you for thoughts, words and bug hugs, Kathy And I'll keep you in mind
for venting if needed.


Awwww sweetie. Sorry you are having a rough time. I'll send you thoughts
and vibes that whatever happens works for you.

I've never had kids (and not going to) so I can't even fathom all that
you've gone through. Sounds very scary. Please take care of yourself and
know we care.

Feel free to email me if you need to vent or talk.

Big bug hugs!!!

Kathy K

~Candace~
Orphan Beads Low cost and bartering for the financially challenged beader
http://snipurl.com/6s4t

On 09 Jun 2004 05:30:36 GMT, huh (Candace) wrote:

So yeah, pregnancy and my body do not mix, and until now, we've always been
super careful about avoiding it. So my inner turmoil is made up of many things
over this--we cannot afford another child, I can't handle another pregnancy, it
is NOT within me to terminate a pregnancy, and I have always, always wanted a
daughter, so a tiny part of me is overjoyed at the mere chance of having one.
I was devasted when Doc said no more, but I had come to terms with it, or so I
thought. And before anyone asks--I wasn't fixed, and neither was DH because we
simply couldn't afford it.

OK, take a deep breath and relax. Now another one. OK
does that feel better?
Now, let's put this in perspective. You are either pregnant
or not pregnant. If you are not PG, no worries. If you are PG,
you will either have a baby with the care of a Dr. who specializes
in problem pregnancies, or your body will spontaneously abort.
If that happens, it is out of your hands and you will recover.
(I can say this because I have lost six). Since aborting is out
of the question due to your personal beliefs, that's out of the
question. So forget that.
What you need to do, right now at this moment, is relax.
Don't start pushing up the blood pressure. Don't stress your
body. Eat a piece of fresh fruit. Care for yourself as if you
are pregnant. If you turn out not to be, you will be healthier
for it.
Then remind yourself that Dr.s are wrong more often than
they are right. Many, many women have pregnancies from
Hell, followed by ones that are a walk in the park. Nobody
knows why. Start picturing yourself pregnant and healthy.
It can't hurt.
All things will happen in their own good time for their
own reason. My second son was an accident conceived
exactly like your possibly pregnancy. It was a much easier
pregnancy than the first. There is a 50/50 chance that yours
will be easier too. So relax, smile and go on with your life.
Things tend to work out the way they're supposed to. You
will be OK. (at least if I have anything to say about it!).
Smile. Go out and watch the birds. Smell a rose.
Just don't worry yourself into ill heath.


Barbara
Dream Master
www.dreamweaverstudio.com

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future
plans.
Woody Allen

Oh CRAP, honey!

I have had that scare a million times, but never with as good reasons to
be afraid. Pregnancy and birth for me is, while not a walk in the park,
pretty solidly in the "normal" range.

I feel your longing for a daughter, and I also feel your fears about
what a pregnancy could do to your body and your marriage.

Sweet lady, I hope for the best for you. Please keep us updated.

-Kalera
http://www.beadwife.com
http://www.snipurl.com/kebay


Candace wrote:
Well...This is stressing me out, so I figured I'd quit holding it back and come
tell my friends....

This past weekend..Dh and I had some..."quality time"....for the first time in
nearly 2 months. Weeeeelllllll we kinda got so caught up in things that our
trusty birth control stayed right where I put it--on the night table. Of
course, this had to happen at the worst time--the start of my fertile period.
I mean..RIGHT at the wrong time. And I won't have a definitive sign of what is
or isn't to come until at least the 20th or so.

Why is this stressing me out, besides the obvious reasons? When I had Tyler
last year, Doc said to me, word for word, "Candace, you are not allowed to get
pregnant anymore. Your body can not tolerate another pregnancy, and the
likelihood of you surviving a pregnancy isn't great."

I know I mentioned that I had pre-eclampsia and gestational diabetes with my
last pregnancy, but I didn't go into particulars. Here are some highlights:
June, 2002--a wonderful pattern of in the ER, out the ER, for three weeks
solid. I had such severe pain in my lower belly that I couldn't breathe,
blink, think..anything. (All I kept hearing was go home and rest, you might be
miscarrying. rest?? I had to WORK!)

Thanksgiving night, 2002--I walk into the bedroom that DH, our then 3 yr old,
and I all shared, where my son was asleep. He slept on a twin mattress, on the
floor, right in front of the door. All I recall is walking thru the doorway, a
sharp pain in my head, and the next thing I knew was that my nightgown was
around my waist, and my dad was at my feet, yelling for my husband. I had
passed out, and fallen face first, onto my son's legs. I had been having such
severe pain in my head (different from my normal migraines) for about two weeks
prior, and this didn't stop until my Doc gave me narcotics around the end of
Dec.

Also around Thanksgiving--the swelling began. From November until two weeks
after I had Tyler (which was on Feb 6, 2003) I couldn't wear shoes, pants,
fitted shirts, underwear, most socks..etc....because I was so swollen. In the
month of December alone, I gained 18 pounds of water weight. To pass the time
at home (I was put on bedrest when my Doc combined all of my problems thus far
with my blood sugar test results) I would press a finger into my calf, fill the
"bowl" with water, and have ds count the minutes until the water all ran out.
The longest it took was 28 minutes, I believe. Hey, it was a good way to
entertain the kiddo.

Beginning of January--my BP jumped about a mile. Okay, cut back (even more) on
activites, stimulation, etc....really, really follow Doc's orders. Didn't
work. Over the next few weeks, it rose until it hit the big one--and the
Docter did some creative paperwork in order to get me scheduled for induction.
(He did whatever he could to make sure that I didn't go into emergency, life
threatening status, which would more than likely make me have a C-sect--the
last thing we wanted was to let things get that far.) Also, the day I finally
had my son, I was spilling 4+ protein in my U.samples.

There are plenty of other bad things that happened, but none I care to go into
for the whole world to see
So yeah, pregnancy and my body do not mix, and until now, we've always been
super careful about avoiding it. So my inner turmoil is made up of many things
over this--we cannot afford another child, I can't handle another pregnancy, it
is NOT within me to terminate a pregnancy, and I have always, always wanted a
daughter, so a tiny part of me is overjoyed at the mere chance of having one.
I was devasted when Doc said no more, but I had come to terms with it, or so I
thought. And before anyone asks--I wasn't fixed, and neither was DH because we
simply couldn't afford it.

I'm sorry if this post bothers anyone, that was not my intention. I just
wanted to talk to someone about this, and it's hard to do that with my husband,
because I'm stuck being the "Oh honey, don't worry about it until there's a
reason to" person.

~Candace~
Orphan Beads Low cost and bartering for the financially challenged beader
http://snipurl.com/6s4t

WIC completely saved my ass during my second pregnancy! I had a husband
who wouldn't work and a 1-1/2 y/o daughter, and I was working full-time
at a glass factory for $7 an hour, and WIC completely kept us from
starving. They continued to save my ass after my worthless husband left
us, too, since it gave me, my 2/yo, and my 6/mo enough food to get by. I
used everything on the vouchers, whether I liked it or not. I had almost
forgotten about that... I keep thinking I've never been on assistance
but it's not true, and thank heavens for it, too!

Candace, is there a Planned Parenthood anywhere in the state? They gave
me my IUD for free, and then, after I had my second daughter, they gave
me another one. I don't feel 100% confident that it won't fail again,
but it's better than condoms. I realize that one of the ways it is said
to work is to prevent implantation in the off-chance that fertilization
does occur, so I don't know how you feel about that, but the main way it
functions is to prevent fertilization in the first place.

They can do the ol' snippity-snip on your DH for about $300, too.

I know how you feel about abortion. I am 100% pro-choice, but I won't
have an abortion no way nohow. I *have*, when I was very young, and it
took me years to get over it. Not guilt so much as sorrow for what
potential was lost. It would ruin us to have another baby, I don't know
how we would make it emotionally or financially - I'm on the ragged edge
as it is... and I am scared of another labor as each has been harder
than the last, but abortion is completely out of the question. And, it
would work out. It always has. So, every month I wait with bated breath
and usually take a pee test about two days before Flo finally shows up
on her irregular circuit, the old bitch. Waiting right now...

-Kalera
http://www.beadwife.com
http://www.snipurl.com/kebay


Kathy N-V wrote:
On Wed, 9 Jun 2004 15:16:29 -0400, Candace wrote
(in message ):


Thank you for your kind thoughts/wrods, Starlia.
There were a few months in my first year of marriage that I was in a similiar
position to what you described. Instead of beans, ours was rice..and as long
as there was enough rice and milk for my oldest son, I'd never say anything
to
anyone. My mom would call everyday and ask if we had enough food...and would
leave an open invite to come eat at their apartment. We got majority of our
protein by eating over there. For that, I was incredibly thankful.


BTDT, too. When Bob and I were first married, we ate beans and rice pretty
much exclusively for about a year. Sundays were a big treat, because my Mom
or his Mom would invite us to dinner, and we'd pig out. Fortunately for us,
Boston's Haymarket sells fruits and veggies for almost nothing. I remember
buying 15 lbs. of cucumbers for a dollar at the end of a work day, then
trying to get them home on the subway. We enjoyed German gurkensalat for
weeks afterward, though.

We had a similar period of poverty in the months after DD was born, because
her medical conditions were ruinously expensive. A fifteen or twenty dollar
copay doesn't sound like much, until you discover you've had thirty or more
co-pays in the previous month. We had $100/week budgeted for food for all of
us, but DD's special formula cost $140/week. I ate a lot of conference room
leftovers at work for a very long time.

It's too painful for me to go into great detail about the years of hunger and
poverty I had in my teens, when my father split (and didn't pay dime one of
child support). My mother didn't speak much English, had no job skills or
experience, and I got to be the financial support of the household at age 15.
Needless to say, nutrition wasn't a priority.

However, I 'm going to suggest that if money for food is a problem, please
look into WIC, which is probably the most underutilized government program
out there. It provides a very good amount of nutritious food for pregnant
women and children under aged 5. I've steered many people toward WIC, and
the people working for them are uniformly wonderful - and that little bit of
help can make all the difference. Just getting milk, cheese, juice, eggs,
peanut butter, beans and cereal for free will make a big difference in giving
you wiggle room in your food budget. (Heck, at times, that was more than we
were eating in a week!)

The income guidelines are generous, and if you are a single income family,
you likely fall within them. The red tape is minimal - a single form from
the pedi's office (or a public health clinic), birth certs for you and the
kids, and pay stubs for the previous month. A friend of mine works as an
outreach counsellor for WIC, and she tells me that she can often get people
benefits the same day they apply.

It really will be all right. I promise.

Kathy N-V

Candace, have you tried the local health department? It's OR's version of
planned parenthood (as far as I can tell) In our town, it's in the same
building as the WIC office. If nothing else, just talking to someone in the
office could be helpful (as in they may be able to give you a few more
options) I know this is where I went to get my pregnancies "verified" for
the public assistance that we've been on. Even though I think it's stupid
to pee in a cup when you're obviously pregnant!

I wish you the best one way or another. It will work out in the end. Good,
bad or otherwise.

Later,

Helen C