As OT as I can get(might bother some)

Well...This is stressing me out, so I figured I'd quit holding it back and come
tell my friends....

This past weekend..Dh and I had some..."quality time"....for the first time in
nearly 2 months. Weeeeelllllll we kinda got so caught up in things that our
trusty birth control stayed right where I put it--on the night table. Of
course, this had to happen at the worst time--the start of my fertile period.
I mean..RIGHT at the wrong time. And I won't have a definitive sign of what is
or isn't to come until at least the 20th or so.

Why is this stressing me out, besides the obvious reasons? When I had Tyler
last year, Doc said to me, word for word, "Candace, you are not allowed to get
pregnant anymore. Your body can not tolerate another pregnancy, and the
likelihood of you surviving a pregnancy isn't great."

I know I mentioned that I had pre-eclampsia and gestational diabetes with my
last pregnancy, but I didn't go into particulars. Here are some highlights:
June, 2002--a wonderful pattern of in the ER, out the ER, for three weeks
solid. I had such severe pain in my lower belly that I couldn't breathe,
blink, think..anything. (All I kept hearing was go home and rest, you might be
miscarrying. rest?? I had to WORK!)

Thanksgiving night, 2002--I walk into the bedroom that DH, our then 3 yr old,
and I all shared, where my son was asleep. He slept on a twin mattress, on the
floor, right in front of the door. All I recall is walking thru the doorway, a
sharp pain in my head, and the next thing I knew was that my nightgown was
around my waist, and my dad was at my feet, yelling for my husband. I had
passed out, and fallen face first, onto my son's legs. I had been having such
severe pain in my head (different from my normal migraines) for about two weeks
prior, and this didn't stop until my Doc gave me narcotics around the end of
Dec.

Also around Thanksgiving--the swelling began. From November until two weeks
after I had Tyler (which was on Feb 6, 2003) I couldn't wear shoes, pants,
fitted shirts, underwear, most socks..etc....because I was so swollen. In the
month of December alone, I gained 18 pounds of water weight. To pass the time
at home (I was put on bedrest when my Doc combined all of my problems thus far
with my blood sugar test results) I would press a finger into my calf, fill the
"bowl" with water, and have ds count the minutes until the water all ran out.
The longest it took was 28 minutes, I believe. Hey, it was a good way to
entertain the kiddo.

Beginning of January--my BP jumped about a mile. Okay, cut back (even more) on
activites, stimulation, etc....really, really follow Doc's orders. Didn't
work. Over the next few weeks, it rose until it hit the big one--and the
Docter did some creative paperwork in order to get me scheduled for induction.
(He did whatever he could to make sure that I didn't go into emergency, life
threatening status, which would more than likely make me have a C-sect--the
last thing we wanted was to let things get that far.) Also, the day I finally
had my son, I was spilling 4+ protein in my U.samples.

There are plenty of other bad things that happened, but none I care to go into
for the whole world to see
So yeah, pregnancy and my body do not mix, and until now, we've always been
super careful about avoiding it. So my inner turmoil is made up of many things
over this--we cannot afford another child, I can't handle another pregnancy, it
is NOT within me to terminate a pregnancy, and I have always, always wanted a
daughter, so a tiny part of me is overjoyed at the mere chance of having one.
I was devasted when Doc said no more, but I had come to terms with it, or so I
thought. And before anyone asks--I wasn't fixed, and neither was DH because we
simply couldn't afford it.

I'm sorry if this post bothers anyone, that was not my intention. I just
wanted to talk to someone about this, and it's hard to do that with my husband,
because I'm stuck being the "Oh honey, don't worry about it until there's a
reason to" person.

~Candace~
Orphan Beads Low cost and bartering for the financially challenged beader
http://snipurl.com/6s4t

it's hard to do that with my husband,
because I'm stuck being the "Oh honey, don't worry about it until there's a
reason to" person.

Let this go. For your own sake. Allow him to share the burdens. You're
protecting him from his own adulthood. BUT....as Becki says, it's your
marriage.
~~
Sooz
-------
"Those in the cheaper seats clap. The rest of you rattle your jewelry." John
Lennon (1940 - 1980) Royal Varieties Performance
~ Dr. Sooz's Bead Links
http://airandearth.netfirms.com/soozlinkslist.html

WOW!!! Just thinking about going through the things you went through would
be enough to scare me away from having children if I hadn't already had one!
It is hard to tell from your post whether you have taken a pregnancy test,
but if you haven't, in a way, I hope that it turns out negative for your
safety, but if it turns out positive, I wish you all the best in getting
through it.

Marissa

"Candace" wrote in message
...
Well...This is stressing me out, so I figured I'd quit holding it back and
come
tell my friends....

This past weekend..Dh and I had some..."quality time"....for the first
time in
nearly 2 months. Weeeeelllllll we kinda got so caught up in things that
our
trusty birth control stayed right where I put it--on the night table. Of
course, this had to happen at the worst time--the start of my fertile
period.
I mean..RIGHT at the wrong time. And I won't have a definitive sign of
what is
or isn't to come until at least the 20th or so.

Why is this stressing me out, besides the obvious reasons? When I had
Tyler
last year, Doc said to me, word for word, "Candace, you are not allowed to
get
pregnant anymore. Your body can not tolerate another pregnancy, and the
likelihood of you surviving a pregnancy isn't great."

I know I mentioned that I had pre-eclampsia and gestational diabetes with
my
last pregnancy, but I didn't go into particulars. Here are some
highlights:
June, 2002--a wonderful pattern of in the ER, out the ER, for three weeks
solid. I had such severe pain in my lower belly that I couldn't breathe,
blink, think..anything. (All I kept hearing was go home and rest, you
might be
miscarrying. rest?? I had to WORK!)

Thanksgiving night, 2002--I walk into the bedroom that DH, our then 3 yr
old,
and I all shared, where my son was asleep. He slept on a twin mattress,
on the
floor, right in front of the door. All I recall is walking thru the
doorway, a
sharp pain in my head, and the next thing I knew was that my nightgown was
around my waist, and my dad was at my feet, yelling for my husband. I had
passed out, and fallen face first, onto my son's legs. I had been having
such
severe pain in my head (different from my normal migraines) for about two
weeks
prior, and this didn't stop until my Doc gave me narcotics around the end
of
Dec.

Also around Thanksgiving--the swelling began. From November until two
weeks
after I had Tyler (which was on Feb 6, 2003) I couldn't wear shoes, pants,
fitted shirts, underwear, most socks..etc....because I was so swollen. In
the
month of December alone, I gained 18 pounds of water weight. To pass the
time
at home (I was put on bedrest when my Doc combined all of my problems thus
far
with my blood sugar test results) I would press a finger into my calf,
fill the
"bowl" with water, and have ds count the minutes until the water all ran
out.
The longest it took was 28 minutes, I believe. Hey, it was a good way to
entertain the kiddo.

Beginning of January--my BP jumped about a mile. Okay, cut back (even
more) on
activites, stimulation, etc....really, really follow Doc's orders. Didn't
work. Over the next few weeks, it rose until it hit the big one--and the
Docter did some creative paperwork in order to get me scheduled for
induction.
(He did whatever he could to make sure that I didn't go into emergency,
life
threatening status, which would more than likely make me have a
C-sect--the
last thing we wanted was to let things get that far.) Also, the day I
finally
had my son, I was spilling 4+ protein in my U.samples.

There are plenty of other bad things that happened, but none I care to go
into
for the whole world to see
So yeah, pregnancy and my body do not mix, and until now, we've always
been
super careful about avoiding it. So my inner turmoil is made up of many
things
over this--we cannot afford another child, I can't handle another
pregnancy, it
is NOT within me to terminate a pregnancy, and I have always, always
wanted a
daughter, so a tiny part of me is overjoyed at the mere chance of having
one.
I was devasted when Doc said no more, but I had come to terms with it, or
so I
thought. And before anyone asks--I wasn't fixed, and neither was DH
because we
simply couldn't afford it.

I'm sorry if this post bothers anyone, that was not my intention. I just
wanted to talk to someone about this, and it's hard to do that with my
husband,
because I'm stuck being the "Oh honey, don't worry about it until there's
a
reason to" person.

~Candace~
Orphan Beads Low cost and bartering for the financially challenged
beader
http://snipurl.com/6s4t

Firstly, Sooz, I know it's something I should let go of--but it's easier said
than done. I start worrying that if I don't comfort him, he'll get to be so
distracted by it that he'll have an accident at work, or miss something on the
freeway or something like that. Far-fetched, I know, but it's in my head none
the less.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


went to the doctor, got the results and my doc immediately wanted to schedule

me for a "painless early termination." It all sounded so neat and clean and
procedural. I wasn't fooled for a minute.

That just makes me ill to even think about it. I KNOW termination is an option
for many women, for many reasons, but for this woman, there is no reason.
(barring conclusive proof that a still birth would be the result of keeping the
pregnancy. And I mean Con-Clu-Sive)



Worry all you want. I still think of that little proto person that we only
knew about for a week, and feel a twinge of sadness that it wasn't meant to
be. I know it was Christopher, the red-headed boy we were sure we were
getting the first time. We were broke and really, really not ready for a
second child, but if it had turned out that way, I'd probably be writing DS
stories as well as DD ones.

I am worrying. A lot. I'm worried about the health matters, the financial
matters, and the effect on my marriage if we find out I am pregnant, and have
decidedly different views about what to do. (He asked me to take a couple days
and think about terminating Tyler, because of much the same issues we face now,
so I know he's capable of dealing with it. Once I said no way no how, he moved
on) I'm just not _sharing_ my worries with Adam (DH). And it's not because I
don't want to, but because I don't feel, based on past experience, that the
conversation would turn into anything other than me comforting him. Gads, that
makes him sound awful, but you must realize, I put myself in that position (for
a few reasons) a long time ago, and now I have to deal with it.


Either way, you'll be okay. Finding a doc might be a challenge, because very

high risk OBs are hard to find. Your previous OB can give you the referrals,
or call a large teaching hospital in your area with a Level 4 NICU. But once
you do, they take all the necessary precautions to make sure that everyone
comes through the other end healthy and happy. It would be a lot more
intense than normal pre-natal care, but the results are well worth the pain
in the neck visits to the doc.

If this is the case, I can only hope to find good healthcare. We are on state
insurance, and I'm totally unfamiliar with this state's procedures for this
type of thing. And, unfortunately, my OB back in Cali retired--I was his last
patient, in fact. He actually postponed his retirement an entire month just so
he could be sure I got what I needed

I just want the days to fly by so I can know for sure, and I want this nagging
(yet familiar) ache in my belly to go away.

Btw, did I miss a reply to this thread? I've only seen Sooz's and Kathy's..but
Sooz said something that made me think I had missed one.

~Candace~
Orphan Beads Low cost and bartering for the financially challenged beader
http://snipurl.com/6s4t

Thanks, Marissa. I haven't taken a test yet, because it's too soon to tell. I
figure if I'm not too freaked out about things I'll wait and see what happens
(if I'm late or not)....but if I just can't stand it anymore, I might buy one
this weekend.

WOW!!! Just thinking about going through the things you went through would
be enough to scare me away from having children if I hadn't already had one!
It is hard to tell from your post whether you have taken a pregnancy test,
but if you haven't, in a way, I hope that it turns out negative for your
safety, but if it turns out positive, I wish you all the best in getting
through it.

Marissa


~Candace~
Orphan Beads Low cost and bartering for the financially challenged beader
http://snipurl.com/6s4t

Candace -- I would be worried too, sweet woman. I have worked hard my whole
life to avoid becoming pregnant, and there is little that freaks me out more
(fear of AIDS, perhaps). Pray to whatever/whomever you believe in, and deal
with the consequences when and if they come. You will always have my support.


Becki
"In between the moon and you, the angels have a better view of the crumbling
difference between wrong and right." -- Counting Crows

Thank you, Becki. I think the hardest part is knowing that getting pregnant is
NOT a good idea, but still....I want the chance to have a little girl.

Frustration, thou art my middle name.

Candace -- I would be worried too, sweet woman. I have worked hard my whole
life to avoid becoming pregnant, and there is little that freaks me out more
(fear of AIDS, perhaps). Pray to whatever/whomever you believe in, and deal
with the consequences when and if they come. You will always have my
support.


Becki
"In between the moon and you, the angels have a better view of the crumbling
difference between wrong and right." -- Counting Crows



~Candace~
Orphan Beads Low cost and bartering for the financially challenged beader
http://snipurl.com/6s4t

Thank you, Roxan


Candace my prayers are with you. One way or another this will all work out
for the best. I will keep you in my thoughts.
Roxan


~Candace~
Orphan Beads Low cost and bartering for the financially challenged beader
http://snipurl.com/6s4t

Candace my prayers are with you. One way or another this will all work out
for the best. I will keep you in my thoughts.
Roxan
"Candace" wrote in message
...
Well...This is stressing me out, so I figured I'd quit holding it back and
come
tell my friends....

This past weekend..Dh and I had some..."quality time"....for the first
time in
nearly 2 months. Weeeeelllllll we kinda got so caught up in things that
our
trusty birth control stayed right where I put it--on the night table. Of
course, this had to happen at the worst time--the start of my fertile
period.
I mean..RIGHT at the wrong time. And I won't have a definitive sign of
what is
or isn't to come until at least the 20th or so.

Why is this stressing me out, besides the obvious reasons? When I had
Tyler
last year, Doc said to me, word for word, "Candace, you are not allowed to
get
pregnant anymore. Your body can not tolerate another pregnancy, and the
likelihood of you surviving a pregnancy isn't great."

I know I mentioned that I had pre-eclampsia and gestational diabetes with
my
last pregnancy, but I didn't go into particulars. Here are some
highlights:
June, 2002--a wonderful pattern of in the ER, out the ER, for three weeks
solid. I had such severe pain in my lower belly that I couldn't breathe,
blink, think..anything. (All I kept hearing was go home and rest, you
might be
miscarrying. rest?? I had to WORK!)

Thanksgiving night, 2002--I walk into the bedroom that DH, our then 3 yr
old,
and I all shared, where my son was asleep. He slept on a twin mattress,
on the
floor, right in front of the door. All I recall is walking thru the
doorway, a
sharp pain in my head, and the next thing I knew was that my nightgown was
around my waist, and my dad was at my feet, yelling for my husband. I had
passed out, and fallen face first, onto my son's legs. I had been having
such
severe pain in my head (different from my normal migraines) for about two
weeks
prior, and this didn't stop until my Doc gave me narcotics around the end
of
Dec.

Also around Thanksgiving--the swelling began. From November until two
weeks
after I had Tyler (which was on Feb 6, 2003) I couldn't wear shoes, pants,
fitted shirts, underwear, most socks..etc....because I was so swollen. In
the
month of December alone, I gained 18 pounds of water weight. To pass the
time
at home (I was put on bedrest when my Doc combined all of my problems thus
far
with my blood sugar test results) I would press a finger into my calf,
fill the
"bowl" with water, and have ds count the minutes until the water all ran
out.
The longest it took was 28 minutes, I believe. Hey, it was a good way to
entertain the kiddo.

Beginning of January--my BP jumped about a mile. Okay, cut back (even
more) on
activites, stimulation, etc....really, really follow Doc's orders. Didn't
work. Over the next few weeks, it rose until it hit the big one--and the
Docter did some creative paperwork in order to get me scheduled for
induction.
(He did whatever he could to make sure that I didn't go into emergency,
life
threatening status, which would more than likely make me have a
C-sect--the
last thing we wanted was to let things get that far.) Also, the day I
finally
had my son, I was spilling 4+ protein in my U.samples.

There are plenty of other bad things that happened, but none I care to go
into
for the whole world to see
So yeah, pregnancy and my body do not mix, and until now, we've always
been
super careful about avoiding it. So my inner turmoil is made up of many
things
over this--we cannot afford another child, I can't handle another
pregnancy, it
is NOT within me to terminate a pregnancy, and I have always, always
wanted a
daughter, so a tiny part of me is overjoyed at the mere chance of having
one.
I was devasted when Doc said no more, but I had come to terms with it, or
so I
thought. And before anyone asks--I wasn't fixed, and neither was DH
because we
simply couldn't afford it.

I'm sorry if this post bothers anyone, that was not my intention. I just
wanted to talk to someone about this, and it's hard to do that with my
husband,
because I'm stuck being the "Oh honey, don't worry about it until there's
a
reason to" person.

~Candace~
Orphan Beads Low cost and bartering for the financially challenged
beader
http://snipurl.com/6s4t

Hey Candace, big hugs for you and sending out good thoughts that you will
figure out what is best for you and your family.

Here are a couple of ideas for you that popped into my head:

Is it too late for that "morning after" pill? I thought you could just get
one at any pharmacy? I really know nothing about them other than what I just
wrote...

If you do become pregnant, would some holistic healing be able to prevent
this kind of pregnancy again? I do NMT which is energy work and it has
helped with so many areas of my health - I do beleive that if I ever chose
to have another child that either what I've done so far, or what I can do
while pregnant - will keep me from having another premature baby. A good
homeopath may be able to help too. Of course you would want to do either of
these things with a high risk OB at your side - though they would never
beleive that this stuff would work. www.neuromodulationtechnique.com is the
site for NMT.

I know the next couple of weeks are going to be so stressfull for you - hope
it all turns out the way you want.

Hugs,
Pam

--
Pam Brisse
The Blue Between - handcrafted jewelry and bead art
http://www.bluebetween.com

"Candace" wrote in message
...
Well...This is stressing me out, so I figured I'd quit holding it back and
come
tell my friends....

This past weekend..Dh and I had some..."quality time"....for the first
time in
nearly 2 months. Weeeeelllllll we kinda got so caught up in things that
our
trusty birth control stayed right where I put it--on the night table. Of
course, this had to happen at the worst time--the start of my fertile
period.
I mean..RIGHT at the wrong time. And I won't have a definitive sign of
what is
or isn't to come until at least the 20th or so.

Why is this stressing me out, besides the obvious reasons? When I had
Tyler
last year, Doc said to me, word for word, "Candace, you are not allowed to
get
pregnant anymore. Your body can not tolerate another pregnancy, and the
likelihood of you surviving a pregnancy isn't great."

I know I mentioned that I had pre-eclampsia and gestational diabetes with
my
last pregnancy, but I didn't go into particulars. Here are some
highlights:
June, 2002--a wonderful pattern of in the ER, out the ER, for three weeks
solid. I had such severe pain in my lower belly that I couldn't breathe,
blink, think..anything. (All I kept hearing was go home and rest, you
might be
miscarrying. rest?? I had to WORK!)

Thanksgiving night, 2002--I walk into the bedroom that DH, our then 3 yr
old,
and I all shared, where my son was asleep. He slept on a twin mattress,
on the
floor, right in front of the door. All I recall is walking thru the
doorway, a
sharp pain in my head, and the next thing I knew was that my nightgown was
around my waist, and my dad was at my feet, yelling for my husband. I had
passed out, and fallen face first, onto my son's legs. I had been having
such
severe pain in my head (different from my normal migraines) for about two
weeks
prior, and this didn't stop until my Doc gave me narcotics around the end
of
Dec.

Also around Thanksgiving--the swelling began. From November until two
weeks
after I had Tyler (which was on Feb 6, 2003) I couldn't wear shoes, pants,
fitted shirts, underwear, most socks..etc....because I was so swollen. In
the
month of December alone, I gained 18 pounds of water weight. To pass the
time
at home (I was put on bedrest when my Doc combined all of my problems thus
far
with my blood sugar test results) I would press a finger into my calf,
fill the
"bowl" with water, and have ds count the minutes until the water all ran
out.
The longest it took was 28 minutes, I believe. Hey, it was a good way to
entertain the kiddo.

Beginning of January--my BP jumped about a mile. Okay, cut back (even
more) on
activites, stimulation, etc....really, really follow Doc's orders. Didn't
work. Over the next few weeks, it rose until it hit the big one--and the
Docter did some creative paperwork in order to get me scheduled for
induction.
(He did whatever he could to make sure that I didn't go into emergency,
life
threatening status, which would more than likely make me have a
C-sect--the
last thing we wanted was to let things get that far.) Also, the day I
finally
had my son, I was spilling 4+ protein in my U.samples.

There are plenty of other bad things that happened, but none I care to go
into
for the whole world to see
So yeah, pregnancy and my body do not mix, and until now, we've always
been
super careful about avoiding it. So my inner turmoil is made up of many
things
over this--we cannot afford another child, I can't handle another
pregnancy, it
is NOT within me to terminate a pregnancy, and I have always, always
wanted a
daughter, so a tiny part of me is overjoyed at the mere chance of having
one.
I was devasted when Doc said no more, but I had come to terms with it, or
so I
thought. And before anyone asks--I wasn't fixed, and neither was DH
because we
simply couldn't afford it.

I'm sorry if this post bothers anyone, that was not my intention. I just
wanted to talk to someone about this, and it's hard to do that with my
husband,
because I'm stuck being the "Oh honey, don't worry about it until there's
a
reason to" person.

~Candace~
Orphan Beads Low cost and bartering for the financially challenged
beader
http://snipurl.com/6s4t