OT - Speeding (joke)

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to
see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls
for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer
slowly approaches the car, clasping his half! drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps
out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and
murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite
stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to
the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a
license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the
owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

note to self, memorize this for future use should it be required since i
am getting older every day, who knows when i might put this one to use.
jeanne

"LN (remove NOSPAM)" wrote...
| An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
| Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
|
| Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
|
| Older Woman: Oh, I see.
|
| Officer: Can I see your license please?
|
| Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
|
| Officer: Don't have one?
|
| Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
|
| Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
|
| Older Woman: I can't do that.
|
| Officer: Why not?
|
| Older Woman: I stole this car.
|
| Officer: Stole it?
|
| Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
|
| Officer: You what?
|
| Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want
to
| see.
|
| The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls
| for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer
| slowly approaches the car, clasping his half! drawn gun.
|
| Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman
steps
| out of her vehicle.
|
| Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
|
| Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and
| murdered the owner.
|
| Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
|
| Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
|
| The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
|
| Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
|
| Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite
| stunned.
|
| Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving
license.
|
| The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it
to
| the officer.
|
| The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
|
| Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a
| license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the
| owner.
|
| Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
|
|

He is ALWAYS on me about speeding and how he doesn't, yada yada.... So, when
we got stopped recently when H was driving I said, "Why is he pulling us
over? You weren't speeding, were you?" The policeman came to the car and
said, "Did you know your inspection sticker is past due?" We said, "Really?"
and looked behind the rearview (where they stick 'em) and noted that it was
due in March. This was JUNE! We both immediately began.... Me: "Oh no!
Usually our vans are registered under his name and his bd is in Sept!" and
He: "It's her fault. It's under her birthday! I didn't do it!" LOL We
sounded like our kids when they get caught doing something. Well, the cop
just started laughing, took our info and went back to the car. I told H,
"We're just getting a warning." "How do you know?" "I've gotten a few
warnings lately and if they act friendly or laugh with you, you're safe."
"How many!?" "None of your business!"

The cop came back and said, "I'm just giving you a warning. You have # days
to get it done." "Thank you so much!"


--
LN in NH
a crazy quilter * hand quilter * & hand appliquér
all in all --- a very slow quilter.... So send quilts!
http://photos.yahoo.com/lns_obsessed

"WoodenSpools" wrote in message
...
Got myself a spiffy black Turbo PT Cruiser for my 25th wedding anniversary
about six weeks ago, and I got *stopped* a few weeks back. For going 54
in
a 35 zone. In an area known for getting ticketed.....
And I managed to talk my way out of it. He asked me if I knew that road
was posted for 35 and I honestly told him it was my first time on that
road
and that I was sorta lost. Then started telling him my whole story of
where
I'd been, where I was going and how the road I wanted to drive on was
closed
to traffic. I kept talking and pointing and he finally asked for my
driver's license & such and disappeared to his car.
And he came back with a verbal "warning" - and I said thanks, as I've
never
*had* a ticket.....and he said "yes ma'am, I know - I checked".
So, my husband says I got off easy and that I was very lucky. And
friends
I've told the story to were amazed, as that area is known for being
ticketed.
Mebbe the "Quilter Bev" on the license plate frame had something to do
with
it......now who'd want to ticket a quilter??? :-)
Buckeye Bev

He really just stopped you cause you are so cute he wanted to
check you out VBG Congrats on 25 years, the great new car
and no ticket!
Taria

WoodenSpools wrote:

Got myself a spiffy black Turbo PT Cruiser for my 25th wedding anniversary
about six weeks ago, and I got *stopped* a few weeks back. For going 54 in
a 35 zone. In an area known for getting ticketed.....
And I managed to talk my way out of it. He asked me if I knew that road
was posted for 35 and I honestly told him it was my first time on that road
and that I was sorta lost. Then started telling him my whole story of where
I'd been, where I was going and how the road I wanted to drive on was closed
to traffic. I kept talking and pointing and he finally asked for my
driver's license & such and disappeared to his car.
And he came back with a verbal "warning" - and I said thanks, as I've never
*had* a ticket.....and he said "yes ma'am, I know - I checked".
So, my husband says I got off easy and that I was very lucky. And friends
I've told the story to were amazed, as that area is known for being
ticketed.
Mebbe the "Quilter Bev" on the license plate frame had something to do with
it......now who'd want to ticket a quilter??? :-)
Buckeye Bev

Got myself a spiffy black Turbo PT Cruiser for my 25th wedding anniversary
about six weeks ago, and I got *stopped* a few weeks back. For going 54 in
a 35 zone. In an area known for getting ticketed.....
And I managed to talk my way out of it. He asked me if I knew that road
was posted for 35 and I honestly told him it was my first time on that road
and that I was sorta lost. Then started telling him my whole story of where
I'd been, where I was going and how the road I wanted to drive on was closed
to traffic. I kept talking and pointing and he finally asked for my
driver's license & such and disappeared to his car.
And he came back with a verbal "warning" - and I said thanks, as I've never
*had* a ticket.....and he said "yes ma'am, I know - I checked".
So, my husband says I got off easy and that I was very lucky. And friends
I've told the story to were amazed, as that area is known for being
ticketed.
Mebbe the "Quilter Bev" on the license plate frame had something to do with
it......now who'd want to ticket a quilter??? :-)
Buckeye Bev

"LN (remove NOSPAM)" wrote in message
...
An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Howdy!
Reckon the fact you have no history of tickets
is what got you off; the nice officer listened to your
story 'cause he was enjoying the chat. g
Good for you and the PT Cruiser!
A black Cruiser--I like it!!!!!
http://home.att.net/~ellison-texas/w...ome.html-.html
(I skipped the turbo on this one, too, 'cause I just don't
need the speed.)
Ragmop/Sandy-- PT QLTR (Texas)
"WoodenSpools" wrote in message
...
Got myself a spiffy black Turbo PT Cruiser for my 25th wedding anniversary
about six weeks ago, and I got *stopped* a few weeks back. For going 54
in
a 35 zone. In an area known for getting ticketed.....
And I managed to talk my way out of it. He asked me if I knew that road
was posted for 35 and I honestly told him it was my first time on that
road
and that I was sorta lost. Then started telling him my whole story of
where
I'd been, where I was going and how the road I wanted to drive on was
closed
to traffic. I kept talking and pointing and he finally asked for my
driver's license & such and disappeared to his car.
And he came back with a verbal "warning" - and I said thanks, as I've
never
*had* a ticket.....and he said "yes ma'am, I know - I checked".
So, my husband says I got off easy and that I was very lucky. And
friends
I've told the story to were amazed, as that area is known for being
ticketed.
Mebbe the "Quilter Bev" on the license plate frame had something to do
with
it......now who'd want to ticket a quilter??? :-)
Buckeye Bev

Lucky. I got pulled over last month for speeding in the little village
that our town surrounds. And I wasn't going nearly as fast as you.
Couldn't talk my way out of it either.

It was better than DBF. When he got pulled over there the village cop
hauled him off to the county jail.

The cops there don't have enough to do.

WoodenSpools wrote:

Got myself a spiffy black Turbo PT Cruiser for my 25th wedding anniversary
about six weeks ago, and I got *stopped* a few weeks back. For going 54 in
a 35 zone. In an area known for getting ticketed.....
And I managed to talk my way out of it. He asked me if I knew that road
was posted for 35 and I honestly told him it was my first time on that road
and that I was sorta lost. Then started telling him my whole story of where
I'd been, where I was going and how the road I wanted to drive on was closed
to traffic. I kept talking and pointing and he finally asked for my
driver's license & such and disappeared to his car.
And he came back with a verbal "warning" - and I said thanks, as I've never
*had* a ticket.....and he said "yes ma'am, I know - I checked".
So, my husband says I got off easy and that I was very lucky. And friends
I've told the story to were amazed, as that area is known for being
ticketed.
Mebbe the "Quilter Bev" on the license plate frame had something to do with
it......now who'd want to ticket a quilter??? :-)
Buckeye Bev

"LN (remove NOSPAM)" wrote in message
.. .


An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

That sounds like a couple I heard of many years ago. When her DH got
stopped for speeding (or . . . ), she would launch into a well-rehearsed
tirade: "How many times do I have to tell you . . . ." The policeman would
feel so sorry for the DH he would let him off with a warning.
--
Ruth in Happy Camp
"LN (remove NOSPAM)" wrote in message
...
He is ALWAYS on me about speeding and how he doesn't, yada yada.... So,
when
we got stopped recently when H was driving I said, "Why is he pulling us
over? You weren't speeding, were you?" The policeman came to the car and
said, "Did you know your inspection sticker is past due?" We said,
"Really?"
and looked behind the rearview (where they stick 'em) and noted that it
was
due in March. This was JUNE! We both immediately began.... Me: "Oh no!
Usually our vans are registered under his name and his bd is in Sept!" and
He: "It's her fault. It's under her birthday! I didn't do it!" LOL We
sounded like our kids when they get caught doing something. Well, the cop
just started laughing, took our info and went back to the car. I told H,
"We're just getting a warning." "How do you know?" "I've gotten a few
warnings lately and if they act friendly or laugh with you, you're safe."
"How many!?" "None of your business!"

The cop came back and said, "I'm just giving you a warning. You have #
days
to get it done." "Thank you so much!"


--
LN in NH
a crazy quilter * hand quilter * & hand appliquér
all in all --- a very slow quilter.... So send quilts!
http://photos.yahoo.com/lns_obsessed

"WoodenSpools" wrote in message
...
Got myself a spiffy black Turbo PT Cruiser for my 25th wedding
anniversary
about six weeks ago, and I got *stopped* a few weeks back. For going 54
in
a 35 zone. In an area known for getting ticketed.....
And I managed to talk my way out of it. He asked me if I knew that
road
was posted for 35 and I honestly told him it was my first time on that
road
and that I was sorta lost. Then started telling him my whole story of
where
I'd been, where I was going and how the road I wanted to drive on was
closed
to traffic. I kept talking and pointing and he finally asked for my
driver's license & such and disappeared to his car.
And he came back with a verbal "warning" - and I said thanks, as I've
never
*had* a ticket.....and he said "yes ma'am, I know - I checked".
So, my husband says I got off easy and that I was very lucky. And
friends
I've told the story to were amazed, as that area is known for being
ticketed.
Mebbe the "Quilter Bev" on the license plate frame had something to do
with
it......now who'd want to ticket a quilter??? :-)
Buckeye Bev