LNS in Alabamastan

On Feb 27, 8:39*pm, Olwyn Mary wrote:
wrote:
On Feb 27, 2:42 pm, Karen C in California wrote:

wrote:

You can refuse to answer such calls or hang up on them.

If you hang up, they continue to call on a daily basis; sometimes
multiple times a day. *Much faster to simply argue with them once that
he no longer lives here and be done with it.

Further, since I'm not a mind-reader, how do I know which calls to
refuse to answer? *Caller ID? *"Private number" could be my mother.
800-800-8000 could be a new client. *It's a bigger PITA to walk to the
other side of the house to be able to hear the answering machine
screening the calls than to simply pick up the phone where I am and find
out who's calling.

As I said, he couldn't be annoying you without your complicity. *You
wanna blame it on him, that's fine, but you're clearly playing along.

Elizabeth

I think you are being somewhat harsh, Elizabeth. *There has been a fair

Probably a bit, but this isn't just anyone. It's someone who claims
to have tons of legal and political connections. I wouldn't be
putting up with this crap and I don't see why she does.

amount in our local papers in the past about women being stalked and
harassed by exes, and it seems the police are powerless to enforce
restraining orders. *Also, as to the collection phone calls, I had a
friend in that position and it went on night and day until Congress
passed a law that they could only call between 8 a.m. and 9 p.m. She
even changed her phone number to an unlisted one, and the collectors
found it - I think through the DMV or somewhere. *She was in a parents'
group I ran for a number of years, and finally she had to get a lawyer
(also a member of the group) to threaten the collection agency before
they stopped.

But the point is that she got a lawyer and they did stop. Karen has
plenty of access to lawyers. AND by using her phone number, he is not
only committing harassment, but also fraud. Surely there are ways to
stop him that might take only a little bit more energy than she
expends complaining about him.

Elizabeth

On Feb 27, 10:12*pm, "Jinx Minx" wrote:
On Feb 27, 2:42 pm, Karen C in California wrote:

If you hang up, they continue to call on a daily basis; sometimes
multiple times a day. *Much faster to simply argue with them once that
he no longer lives here and be done with it.

Further, since I'm not a mind-reader, how do I know which calls to
refuse to answer? *Caller ID? *"Private number" could be my mother.
800-800-8000 could be a new client. *It's a bigger PITA to walk to the
other side of the house to be able to hear the answering machine
screening the calls than to simply pick up the phone where I am and find
out who's calling.

Well......

You could set up your phone to reject private and unidentified numbers. *You
could have your mother dial *82 before dialing your number which would
reveal her number on your caller ID so you can be assured it's her calling.
"Private" numbers are almost always from private residences, not businesses.
"Unknown" numbers are almost always from businesses, not private residences.
At least, that's how it works with the caller ID from my phone company. *I
would also think, that any business that is large enough to warrant having
an 800 number, probably is large enough to not need to outsource
proofing/editing/paralegal work to a private individual off the 'net. *If
they're really looking for you to do work for them, they'll leave a message.
And if I were a collector, someone saying "he doesn't live here anymore"
certainly wouldn't sway me to not keep calling. *I'm fairly certain that's a
common response that people give to avoid creditors when they start calling.
I'm sure they're sitting on the other end of the phone thinking "yeah,
right--he doesn't live here".

I asked myself, if I were in your shoes, just how would I handle this?
First, I'd get two phone numbers. *Re-assign your current number for
business only (it's a tax deduction), that way you don't lose any customers
that may have it on file. *Get a new number for personal calls, and keep it
unpublished. *Only give it to your friends, and do not give it to any
businesses when you write checks or pay your bills--once it gets reported to
the credit bureaus associated with your accounts, it's as good as published.
Then, when the business number rings, don't just say hello, give your
business a title and answer the phone with it always ("ACME Editing, this is
Karen"). *It's more professional, anyway. *It gives you a LOT more
credibility with the erroneous creditor calls that they really do have the
wrong number than if you just answer hello and then have to defend that the
number isn't his. *And don't tell them "he doesn't live here anymore"--just
tell them they have the wrong number, this is a place of business. *If
creditors can in any way prove you have any connection to him, they'll
continue to harass you in order to get to him.

I think all of that is excellent advice, Jinx.

Elizabeth

wrote in message
...
On Feb 27, 10:12 pm, "Jinx Minx" wrote:
On Feb 27, 2:42 pm, Karen C in California wrote:

If you hang up, they continue to call on a daily basis; sometimes
multiple times a day. Much faster to simply argue with them once that
he no longer lives here and be done with it.

Further, since I'm not a mind-reader, how do I know which calls to
refuse to answer? Caller ID? "Private number" could be my mother.
800-800-8000 could be a new client. It's a bigger PITA to walk to the
other side of the house to be able to hear the answering machine
screening the calls than to simply pick up the phone where I am and find
out who's calling.

Well......

You could set up your phone to reject private and unidentified numbers.
You
could have your mother dial *82 before dialing your number which would
reveal her number on your caller ID so you can be assured it's her
calling.
"Private" numbers are almost always from private residences, not
businesses.
"Unknown" numbers are almost always from businesses, not private
residences.
At least, that's how it works with the caller ID from my phone company. I
would also think, that any business that is large enough to warrant
having
an 800 number, probably is large enough to not need to outsource
proofing/editing/paralegal work to a private individual off the 'net. If
they're really looking for you to do work for them, they'll leave a
message.
And if I were a collector, someone saying "he doesn't live here anymore"
certainly wouldn't sway me to not keep calling. I'm fairly certain that's
a
common response that people give to avoid creditors when they start
calling.
I'm sure they're sitting on the other end of the phone thinking "yeah,
right--he doesn't live here".

I asked myself, if I were in your shoes, just how would I handle this?
First, I'd get two phone numbers. Re-assign your current number for
business only (it's a tax deduction), that way you don't lose any
customers
that may have it on file. Get a new number for personal calls, and keep
it
unpublished. Only give it to your friends, and do not give it to any
businesses when you write checks or pay your bills--once it gets reported
to
the credit bureaus associated with your accounts, it's as good as
published.
Then, when the business number rings, don't just say hello, give your
business a title and answer the phone with it always ("ACME Editing, this
is
Karen"). It's more professional, anyway. It gives you a LOT more
credibility with the erroneous creditor calls that they really do have
the
wrong number than if you just answer hello and then have to defend that
the
number isn't his. And don't tell them "he doesn't live here
anymore"--just
tell them they have the wrong number, this is a place of business. If
creditors can in any way prove you have any connection to him, they'll
continue to harass you in order to get to him.

I think all of that is excellent advice, Jinx.

Elizabeth


Yeah, if only it would be heeded.....

No tolerance for martyr complexes,
Jinx

"Karen C in California" wrote in message
...
lucretia borgia wrote:

No tolerance for martyr complexes,
Jinx


Now that was my breakfast laugh lol


I do not have a martyr complex. I have a psychopathic ex who meets all
the criteria for being a psychopath, who has a history of stalking every
woman who's ever dumped him. "You made me miserable, now I'm going to
make you miserable."

I've moved on successfully from numerous other relationships, where, by
mutual agreement, he went his way and I went mine. The problem here is
that he WON'T go away. He doesn't care what's moral or legal, he only
cares about ruining my life the way that the divorce ruined his.

Unfortunately, if you check with the police instead of just assuming
they'll do something, they will tell you that the victim has to actually
incur serious physical injuries before the police can do anything about
threats. He's not fool enough to get into a physical altercation with me
such that the police will get involved.

He's smart enough to know what the police will not get involved in, and
he's going to continue doing what he knows he can get away with because
the police WON'T do anything about it.

There are ex-wives out there who have died because the police won't/can't
do anything until there's a physical attack; the ex-husband knows he's got
one chance and he makes it count. In this case, he's sticking only to
psychological warfare, because he knows no one can do anything effective
to stop him.

It says something that his favorite movie is "Gaslight". A mutual friend
hinted that the plan was to follow the plan in that movie, to get me
committed, and then he'd move into the house and live rent-free (this
address was on his license, so if I'm locked up, who's to say he's not
living here with my permission?) and loot my bank accounts, but seeing
what I was going through, the friend refused to testify and make himself a
target of the same sort of revenge, and I don't blame him.

Don't judge when you don't know all the facts.

--

But Karen, you've told us all "the facts" more than enough times that I
think we have heard enough to judge. And if you don't want us to
judge--stop beating us all over the head with your life story!! It's that
simple. Keep your private life private. Absolutely no one here gives a
**** about your ex-husband. I guarantee you that.

Jinx

"Karen C in California" wrote in message
...
The problem is, this month it's Bank A calling about his Visa, next month
it's Bank B calling about his Mastercharge, the month after that, it'll be
Discover.

The month after that, he'll bounce a check to some Mom & Pop store where
he really doesn't expect them to spend the money to pursue it in court,
but they will call the number on the check to try to collect. (He's not
going to do it at Safeway, which has in-house lawyers who do nothing but
sue on bounced checks.)

So just getting ONE place to stop calling me is not the problem. Each
place does tend to stop calling after being told once that we've been
divorced for years and years, and here's the case number (which contains
the year) to prove it, but then someone else calls the next month. I'd
have to figure out every credit card he's in the process of applying for,
every store he's ever going to shop at, and head him off at the pass.
There's a zillion-and-one credit card companies out there, and by next
month, it'll be a zillion-and-five.

It takes a lot less time and money to put out fires as they occur than to
try to stay two steps ahead of him, sending preventive letters to every
bank in the world and every little store within 50 miles as each new one
opens (which means keeping an eye on the new business licenses issued in
half a dozen counties). But this way I have to deal with it that I'm
being reminded of his existence every 4-6 weeks, which makes it very
difficult to forget that he exists. And that's the way he wants it.


Really?? You really think he does this deliberately JUST to harass you?? Do
you really think you were such a fantastic catch that he's so bitter you
left him that he never wants you to forget he exists?? Maybe it's just to
cheat and steal and get away with it more easily and nothing more than that.
Lots of people give out fake phone numbers--it's more often a tactic of
evasiveness than a tactic of revenge. But what do I know....

Jinx

On Mar 1, 12:17*am, Karen C in California wrote:


[snip]

Unfortunately, if you check with the police instead of just assuming
they'll do something, they will tell you that the victim has to actually
incur serious physical injuries before the police can do anything about
threats. *He's not fool enough to get into a physical altercation with
me such that the police will get involved.

This is actually not correct. A friend of mine's X got a judge to
agree that the friend could no longer put his son on the bus in the
morning. The order arrived on a Friday afternoon and she delivered it
to the police on Sunday. I live in a small enough city that the
police kindly enough tracked down my friend to tell him that if he
showed up at the bus stop on Monday morning and she called, they would
have to arrest him. The police may have told you that in 1998, but
the reality has changed quite a bit since then (not enough perhaps,
but quite a bit).

He's smart enough to know what the police will not get involved in, and
he's going to continue doing what he knows he can get away with because
the police WON'T do anything about it.

The police came and told my tenant's X to get off our property when my
husband called to report that she was threatening the tenant's girl-
friend (who is also my tenant), so that's simply not correct. But
that's actually beside the point anyway. We're not talking about
getting the police involved because he's threatening you physically
(apparently he's not). That's not the kind of restraining order I
mean. You can get an order telling him to cease and desist using your
information, including your phone number. You can have him charged
with fraud for using your information to apply for credit. I could
have sworn you said you knew enough to be a lawyer....but you haven't
figured out legal ways to get this creep to leave you alone? Hard to
fathom.

Elizabeth

On Mar 3, 2:02*pm, Karen C in California wrote:


He knows what he can get away with scot-free, and he's going to do it
because he knows it will annoy me.

Yup. And how much of your time did you just give him now, explaining
something to me that I couldn't care less about, about him? You give
him time and energy even when he doesn't ask for it.

BTW, your .sig is obnoxiously long.

Elizabeth

On Mar 4, 10:53*am, Karen C in California wrote:
wrote:
Yup. *And how much of your time did you just give him now, explaining
something to me that I couldn't care less about, about him?

If you don't care, then why did you ask?

I didn't.

Elizabeth