OT-old Starlia posts-long

I plucked these out of Google. Her last posts sound pretty bad. I can't help
but wonder if she had a breakdown of sorts. If her DH has shame about this he
wouldn't exactly be wanting to tell anyone...

Oct 29, 5:26 pm
I had to give it up today or go to jail. I'm really bummed but I didn't
give all the information I could. I honestly don't know their new address
and I couldn't remember the new phone number. My doctor got tired of trying
to get the information out of me so he called the animal control office.
I had to tell my friend and she isn't happy at all. Crap!

Nov 1, 6:52 pm
In case anyone is wondering I started my new Dell job today. I have three
weeks of training and today was a real mess but we must "remain flexible."
Anyhow I'll be offsite Tuesday and Wednesday therefore no access to a
computer. Once I'm on the sales floor I will have my personal computer with
me and it is set up for wireless internet available throughout any Dell
building. I don't know how much time I'll have but I bet it will be up and
down.
So in case you don't see me it's because I'm done in with pure exhaustion.
After work I plan to make beads, clean house, cook dinner, and fit you guys
into my evenings as well.


Nov 6, 10:10 pm
Okay I've been in an awful mood for several days. I noticed it really today
and thought back to what has changed. I ran out of my happy pills and
haven't picked them up at the pharmacy. I'll do that tomorrow.
I was in a cruddy mood for many reason: I didn't want to do the deposition
today; I was tired; I didn't want to go to the Pow-Wow but DH won't go
without me; I don't want to work at Dell; my head has been really killing me
and I had to cancel the shots yesterday; If I miss one day of training I
won't have a job; Trinkett is in heat and will get pregnant this one and
only time I hope; the sun was too bright; people were in a good mood; and
the list goes on and on.
I felt so overwhelmed and hurt, angry, mad (whatever) I just didn't want to
take another breath by this afternoon. At that moment I wanted God to just
take me. I wasn't even sure I'd make it through the gate I was so mean to
DH today. I was in a stinking bad mood. When we finally got to eat today I
told DH I wanted to get wasted. I don't like getting drunk but I was
already in a bad mood so why not. In reality I had a glass of wine which
was very good and got so tipsy on one glass that I was happy for a while.

Nov 3, 5:26 pm
Until I get this job thing under control I am going to be really lacking
right now. I'm too pooped to torch and all I wanna do is go to bed. It's
cold here (50's and down to 30's at night) and I'm freaking freezing! I
know it's weird to you guys who live up north but Alaska is so much better
because there is no humidity. It's the bone chilling humidity that really
gets me. Ugh.
Anyhow another thing that is so draining is being in class. You guys all
know that class is so draining especially when you do role playing all day
long. I get picked on because I know the products and I'm pretty out going
(no, really).
I think I'm feeling like Kalera...go away, leave me alone, I want just to
relax and that isn't happening. I need ME time really bad. I know it won't
be this way long. I also want you to know I'm not telling you guys that
it's you I want to leave me alone. It's not personal against you. See
below.
I got served papers last night for a deposition that I can't make because if
we miss even one hour of training we will lose our jobs. Period. All of
our bills came do this last week and it's been a scramble to pay water,
electric, etc. without starving. You know how it can be.





..Stephanie.

Gotta Question?
Google: rec.craft.bead
http://tinyurl.com/5wm36

Thank you Stephanie for finding Starlia's posts. I haven't felt that I
know her enough to put in my comments, but there has been so much
discussion about her status, apparently still unknown.
I'm concerned about the Nov 6th post where she says she is depressed,
having skipped her medication for awhile. The red flag is her suicidal
comments which do go along with depression, but sometimes people act on
it. This was the LAST post that Stephanie found!! This isn't just
someone disappearing from RCB, it's disappearing with red flags.
For quite awhile I've thought that a few people that know her best
should create a concerted plan to get news of Starlia. The first
obvious step is to call her and her husband at work. Any of you know
other family and friends?
I hope I haven't overstepped my bounds, but I just couldn't stay silent
after I read this.
If there is anything I can do to help, please let me know.
Lilyflower

but all that can be done has been done --seriously. But you are right -
her "comments" were red flags of depression. But she apparently does not
want
to be contacted...
Cheryl

I guess you are right...I hate being so powerless. I know that place she was in
when she made those posts. You just want everyone to leave you the *uck alone,
but that is when you need people the most.


..Stephanie.

Gotta Question?
Google: rec.craft.bead
http://tinyurl.com/5wm36

Stephanie wrote:
but all that can be done has been done --seriously. But you are right -
her "comments" were red flags of depression. But she apparently does not
want
to be contacted...
Cheryl


I guess you are right...I hate being so powerless. I know that place she was in
when she made those posts. You just want everyone to leave you the *uck alone,
but that is when you need people the most.


.Stephanie.

Yes, yes, exactly, except for the "needing people the most". If she is,
like me, a true introvert, she is cringing at every phone call, probably
experiencing anxiety at every email and literally running and hiding if
someone knocks on the door. What I got from her posts was not that she
was depressed, but that she was overwhelmed, and that's almost the
opposite of depression because in depression, being left alone in
complete silence and isolation feels terrible, whereas in this
thing-that-has-no-name, being left alone with no stimulation and no
interaction feels like perfect, beautiful freedom. Her desire to run
away to Antarctica sounds like the reaction of an extreme introvert (not
the same as being shy) to excess interaction and stimulation. Not many
people understand what this feels like, but if she's going through what
I think she's going through, all she REALLY REALLY needs is to be left
completely alone. Having to go to work and experience training, even if
she loves her job and loves her coworkers, is a lot of stimulation.
Under those circumstances, I would probably also come home and hide from
the world. It could be that she did get to the "Can't take it anymore!"
point and had to let all the non-crucial things... even her eBay
customers... slide just so she can continue giving her only available
energy to earning a wage.

--
-Kalera
http://www.beadwife.com
http://www.snipurl.com/kebay

"Over-stimulation" is how the disease of Depression was identified for me by
the psychologist, and then also by the psychiatrist. "Feeling depressed" is
a symptom. Being overwhelmed is the mechanism; and that caused feelings of
hopelessness, inability to communicate, poor-self worth. This is especially
true of on-going Depression. Eg, I can learn to deal with the melancholy,
and even learn to decrease my info input, expectations, etc, but I still
reach the point of being overwhelmed. It's the nature of my
disease/disability.

And you're right that for an introvert, well meant attention can drive the
person just that far deeper. Introverts can be clownish like my husband, or
socially adroit, and need not be shy. Introvert just means that the company
of other people is a drain on their mental energies.

Tina



Tina


"Kalera Stratton" wrote...
Yes, yes, exactly, except for the "needing people the most". If she is,
like me, a true introvert, she is cringing at every phone call, probably
experiencing anxiety at every email and literally running and hiding if
someone knocks on the door. What I got from her posts was not that she
was depressed, but that she was overwhelmed, and that's almost the
opposite of depression because in depression, being left alone in
complete silence and isolation feels terrible, whereas in this
thing-that-has-no-name, being left alone with no stimulation and no
interaction feels like perfect, beautiful freedom. Her desire to run
away to Antarctica sounds like the reaction of an extreme introvert (not
the same as being shy) to excess interaction and stimulation. Not many
people understand what this feels like, but if she's going through what
I think she's going through, all she REALLY REALLY needs is to be left
completely alone. Having to go to work and experience training, even if
she loves her job and loves her coworkers, is a lot of stimulation.
Under those circumstances, I would probably also come home and hide from
the world. It could be that she did get to the "Can't take it anymore!"
point and had to let all the non-crucial things... even her eBay
customers... slide just so she can continue giving her only available
energy to earning a wage.

--
-Kalera
http://www.beadwife.com
http://www.snipurl.com/kebay

"Over-stimulation" is how the disease of Depression was identified for me by
the psychologist, and then also by the psychiatrist. "Feeling depressed" is
a symptom. Being overwhelmed is the mechanism; and that caused feelings of
hopelessness, inability to communicate, poor-self worth.

Very well put, Tina.And EXACTLY how it works in me, Kalera identified it well
too. As in some of the autism arc of syndromes---such as Asperger's---being
overwhelmed by stimuli causes an inability to cope that is very very deep, even
tho the sufferer is intelligent and capable, even highly skilled. When things
are sheltered to the point of not being overwhelming, life can be extremely
productiove and fulfilling....but if I get overwhelmed I just want to hide
under the bed and rock quietly in the dark. I don't GET to...but some days, its
a very close thing! (Probably having a waterbed makes it harder to hide under
the bed too.....)
Sarajane

Sarajane's Polymer Clay Gallery
http://www.polyclay.com

I can't particularly
"participate" in a friendship but I try to keep some contact with some
loving
people. I need that so I don't get lost, lose all perspective.
SMOOCH {{{{{{{{{{Stephanie}}}}}}}}}}}}

Love,
Sooz

SMOOCH {{{{{{{{{{Stephanie}}}}}}}}}}}}
Love,
Sooz

Thank you

Christina Peterson wrote:
"Over-stimulation" is how the disease of Depression was identified for me by
the psychologist, and then also by the psychiatrist. "Feeling depressed" is
a symptom. Being overwhelmed is the mechanism; and that caused feelings of
hopelessness, inability to communicate, poor-self worth. This is especially
true of on-going Depression. Eg, I can learn to deal with the melancholy,
and even learn to decrease my info input, expectations, etc, but I still
reach the point of being overwhelmed. It's the nature of my
disease/disability.

And you're right that for an introvert, well meant attention can drive the
person just that far deeper. Introverts can be clownish like my husband, or
socially adroit, and need not be shy. Introvert just means that the company
of other people is a drain on their mental energies.

Tina


Yes, but my point is that for some people, including introverts,
depression itself is different from being overwhelmed. For me, as an
example, when I am actually *depressed*, interaction with other,
trusted, people is extremely beneficial, while when I am *overwhelmed*,
it is extremely detrimental. I may not be using the terms in the same
way you're using them, but I lack a better vocabulary with which to
commnunicatemy meaning.

--
-Kalera
http://www.beadwife.com
http://www.snipurl.com/kebay

On Sun, 26 Dec 2004 00:55:42 -0800, Kalera Stratton
wrote:

Yes, but my point is that for some people, including introverts,
depression itself is different from being overwhelmed. For me, as an
example, when I am actually *depressed*, interaction with other,
trusted, people is extremely beneficial, while when I am *overwhelmed*,
it is extremely detrimental. I may not be using the terms in the same
way you're using them, but I lack a better vocabulary with which to
commnunicatemy meaning.

I think I understand what you mean Kalera. It is hard to explain
though. I suffer from anxiety disorder and have over the years had
incredible difficulty in explaining to people and doctors that I am
not depressed. Because what I get is *not* depression and it is
different.

And I relate totally to the notion of just being "over-stimulated" and
for me, I have learned how important it is for me to take myself off
alone, for some calm and quiet. If I dont get that, then I usually end
up with a flare-up of my AD in some form or other. So, for me - in one
of those periods, I really do *need* to be left alone. And that is OK
- its not being histrionic. I am a big girl and can cope very well
with my own personality and problems - I just need a little time alone
to do that and to re-balance myself.

I cannot speak with any authority about depression because thankfully
I cannot say that I have ever really suffered from it. Sure I have
had times when I have been depressed due to life circumstances, but
that isnt the same as the crushing depressions that depression as a
clinical condition would bring I dont think.

The only time I think I ever came close to that was when I quit
smoking and for two weeks I had the most crushing, overwhelming
feeling of sheer depression. It felt like my brain was just all messed
up and chemically wrong. I knew that those feelings were not *real*
but they felt intense. I needed people then, just to keep me SANE!
lol. So I remember thinking at the time that this must be what it is
like for people with depression and being grateful that I didn't have
to live with that.

But it is nigh on impossible sometimes to explain anxiety disorder,
general anxiety and being over-stimulated and just needing to
re-charge because so many times people assume wrongly it is a case of
"being depressed" and it just isn't quite the same at all. I love my
life. I love being me. Just sometimes I feel physically drained by my
body's responses to stimuli and I feel lacking in energy due to that.

It is really interesting to me that other's obviously do notice the
possible distinction between these sort of things and depression as a
condition though. Wish I could have gotten any doctors to understand
this.

Emma
www.ejrbeads.co.uk