KATRINA QUILTS

Yes. It is important for everyone to remember to preserve the
dignity of those who are forced by circumstances to accept aid. I
only donate that which I would actually wear myself, if I was
thinner, or fatter, or had more room in my closet!! I also try to
present donations in a neat and pleasing manner.

PAT in VA/USA

Don/Gen wrote:

Thank you for writing this. I get so angry when I see all the junk people
pawn off on others in need. I keep thinking of the huge pile of clothing on
the beach after hurricane Andrew, that eventually was plowed under when it
became moldy and varmint infested. How much better it would have been for
people to give it to a re-sale place, and have them donate money. There was
a picture in the paper today of a pile of shoes and clothes along a road in
MS. How degrading for the survivors to have to pick through that mess.
People just want to help, often without thinking about what they're doing.
Gen

I had one of those supervisors that we all called "Ms. Clueless'. We were
brainstorming in a staff meeting about what to include in case plans in
order to reunite neglected (that usually means filth and crud for the
uninformed) kids with their families that could help them remain in the
home. Social Workers use the term "Successful Reunification". This
particular supervisor rarely ever made home visits and had been "appointed"
to her position by the governor (of Missouri, Leslie). She had made her
first home visit all by herself the day before and was still in shock from
the experience. She had drove her very luxerious BMW and had walked into
this cockroach ridden home with filth and crud everywhere on her 3 inch
pointy toed designer heels. She was appalled at the fact the mother was
"depressed" and reported to the staff how she berated the lady about getting
off the couch and getting a job to make money. Then she drummed her
perfectly manicured nails on the table and said: " I mean ... really ... why
wouldn't she want to buy some new furniture or something!" We all put our
face in our coffee at the same instant and chocked - out loud - all at the
same time. I couldn't breathe for fear I would laugh. Sorry you had the
bad experience of having a similarly clueless social worker.

I too came from a family of poverty but we were blessed with parents who
taught a strong work ethic, pride and a belief that education was the way
out. My Daddy earned $100 month as a school bus driver. He parked the bus
at our house at the end of the day because we had no car so he couldn't
drive to work. The whole family worked for others in their farms to earn a
little cash and we took care of our own little farm to raise some of our
food needs. We relied on others to drive us to town or to the doctor. We
had no electricity and our water came from a spring down the road. My
mother made her own soap from lard and lye and I learned to iron with heavy
irons heated on our wood cookstove. Laundry was boiled in a large cast iron
pot and rubbed on a wash board (that I still have). We hung the clothes on
the line and the sun dried them. The same tub that we rinsed the clean
laundry in was used on Saturday night for a bathtub. My mother sewed our
clothing from feedsacks and we got one pair of shoes a year from the Sears &
Roebuck catalog just before school started. When the soles got holes in
them they were lined with cardboard and if you out grew them Daddy cut a
hole in the ends. We used an outhouse for a bathroom and the last years
edition of the Sears & Roebuck Catalog was our toilet paper. So I know
poverty first hand and I think it made me a better Social Worker. I knew
the difference between Poverty and Neglect. Poor Ms. Clueless is married to
the Chief of Police with her one son and still hasn't a clue about how the
poorest in our community live and survive.

--
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SNIGDIBBLY
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"NightMist" wrote in message
...
On Tue, 6 Sep 2005 08:47:30 -0500, "SNIGDIBBLY"
wrote:

For years I was one of
the coordinators for the County Community Share Xmas program where we
accepted donated Xmas gifts and clothing for Foster Kids and poor kids
across the county. I have seen so much waste and abuse. Parents sold the
stuff for drugs and alcohol or just threw it out. I found brand new -
unwrapped toys - in the garbage during home visits. Many parents signed
up
for like programs from every agency in the area and got duplicate food
baskets and toys and sold them or just threw them out. I will never give
a
whole turkey dinner again unless I give a cooked turkey because they would
let it spoil before they would cook it. There just doesn't seem to be any
appreciation for the effort. Most wouldn't even come pick them up and our
social workers would have to deliver them or they wouldn't get to the
children at all. I have become too cynical. But I enjoy the giving so I
do
it with the knowledge that it probably won't be used as I wished it to be.
I just have to let it go and enjoy the giving. Sure makes me made when
people use other people and then abuse their charitible hearts.

Snigs, I am not going to even try to excuse the a***oles of the world,
because there is no excuse for them. There are indeed plenty of them,
on both sides of the giving equation.

It is high time some common sense was thrown into the world of
charitable giving.

Now, so you all know, I give when and what I can when causes come to
my attention. More often though, my family and I are on the other
side. Yes, we are poor. In fact, one of the jokes is we are "p",
'cause we can't afford the rest of the letters. I know that there are
others out there that are much worse off than we are. In fact
sometimes I get ****ed off because I know that there are needier
people living close by and some charity comes knocking at my door
(figuratively and sometimes literally) instead. I usually try to send
them in the right direction, but often they are set on who they are
going to give to.

In my time, we have been gifted with food, clothes, and whatnot, and
most of it was about as useful as tits on a boar hog.

I have never thrown perfectly good things away, I have always tried to
find someone else who needs them, or recycled them into a charitable
organization.

For example, one of the local churches (unasked) once brought us a
turkey dinner for Thanksgiving. Delivered complete with conversion
pitch and admonitions about how we were going to go straight to hell
if we didn't give up sex, drugs, rock and roll, and our obviously
satanic lifestyle. I guess that since we don't have a lot of money
that means we are obviously maniacal drug useing minions of satan.
Well even if we weren't vegetarians I didn't have the equipment to
cook a damn turkey. What the heck was I supposed to do with the thing
even if I planned on eating it? Stick it on a fork and toast it over
a burner? Put it in the oven in a plastic grocery sack? I'm not even
sure it would have fit in my oven. So I gave most of the lot to lady
down the road. Even there I had to call the Salvation Army and beg a
tinfoil roasting pan for her (she didn't have a phone, and was about
as inclined to put her hand out as cut it off). Fortunately they not
only gave her the pan but included a whole roll of tinfoil and
instructions on how to cook the thing, otherwise she had no better
idea of what to do with it than I did.
Yeah, "Aunt Sal-ly" rocks!

Another time a social worker gave me a bag of 8 or 9 brand new dresses
for my then second grader. She thought they would be so cute with
tights and rumba pants. Yeah, right. I have never, nor will I ever
send a 7 year old child out into January in what amounts to a frilly
shirt and stockings. Nor am I inclined to send a 7 year old girl out
in a dress that flashes her bottom regardless, even if I could have
forced her out the door dressed like that. To say nothing of the fact
that I would have had to buy the rumba pants and then a never ending
series of tights. (1)
The dresses when to Aunt Sal-ly.

The number of people who have thought that we would be so grateful to
get their trash that we would come and fetch it is astounding.
Anytime someone says, 'our widget is broken so we got a new one, but
your husband is clever and I am sure he could fix the broken one.
Just come and pick it up anytime between noon and 12:01.' I just
smile, nod, and walk away. I don't have a car and I am not inclined
to walk over to fetch a widget that I have been doing quite well
without, and that probably will never work again anyway.

There have been times that people have offered me large items that we
really did truly need. But we haven't had the means to go fetch them.
That has not been good. Especially when they get all angry because
they know we need the thing. What the heck am I supposed to do? Pull
a carjacking on a moving van?
Remember the thread we had on kitchen stoves not long ago? Just last
month I was darn near to weeping with frustration because my
daughter's landlord offered us an old Chambers gas range in beautiful
condition. He had taken on a partner who owned a second hand
appliance store and was replaceing all the very old appliances in his
apartments with more modern ones. I met this stove, it was beautiful.
One of the ones the gas company gave out decades ago to get people to
switch from wood or coal to gas. But I didn't have the fifty dollars
the partner wanted to shift it, nor could I find anybody to move it
for less. My stove is an apartment sized thing with one working
burner, one sometimes working burner, and no functional pilots so I
have to light the oven from the broiler. I sooo wanted that stove!

I s'pose all I am saying is please please think before you give, and
think before you condem. That social worker with the dresses gave us
no end of grief about DD not wearing them, and other people have gone
all superior, taking a "see what happens when you try to do good"
attitude when we have not been all happy to recieve useless stuff or
able to fetch things we actually needed.

If you give a box of tuna helper to the food pantry, please give a
couple of cans of tuna with it.
Don't assume people will be happy to haul your junk for free just
because they are poor.
Please don't offer people things without a thought for how they will
get them home. That is just cruel, especially if it is something they
need.
Don't assume that just because they are poor children will be happy
with any old thing you want to give them. No ten year old will be
happy with a toy meant for a toddler, regardless.
Don't assume that everyone knows how to alter clothes that don't fit.
Don't get all offended if they do alter clothes that don't fit.
Most poor people do not need cable converters, entertainment centers,
knick knacks, table linens, or cordless phones. I have been offered
all of the above and turned down all but the linens, they were real
linen and made some mighty fine shirts, but most people wouldn't know
to do that with them. The lady with the cable converter was astounded
that I didn't accept it and run right out to get cable.
Please! Please! Please! Do not patronize or proselytize. Poor
people have as much pride as anyone else. Being given a sermon along
with food is something that you can expect at a mission, but not in
your own home or at a secular help agency.

It is wonderful to try and help the less fortunate.
It is not wonderful to expect them to fall down and praise you for it.
It is not wonderful to get all huffy when things you give do not get
used as you anticipated.

NightMist
We are doing a whole lot better than we used to.

(1) This was a worker who was offended for my child because this
child was going to school in hand sewn and made over clothes, of which
DD had plenty.

--
"To repeat what others have said, requires education; to challenge
it, requires brains." -Mary Pettibone Poole

SNIGDIBBLY wrote:

I knew
the difference between Poverty and Neglect. Poor Ms. Clueless is married to
the Chief of Police with her one son and still hasn't a clue about how the
poorest in our community live and survive.


Oh, dear! That did make me giggle! But had poor Mrs Clueless never
TRAINED as a social worker? Did she know nothing of the depths to which
depression can lead? It's an illness. People with depression need
help, sometimes to do the simplest of things (and think about it -
bathing kids ain't simple!). Maybe she should start by talking to the
guys who work for her husband... My Little Sis is an inspector with the
Metropolitan Police over here in London. She makes graveyard jokes
about her job, and what they call 'the sticky carpet brigade' - where
you scrape the muck off your shoes on the way OUT! As she says,
sometimes you have to make the jokes or live there yourself.

Being a member of the BTDT brigade in my own profession (I'm a dyslexic
teacher of English) does give you some insight into the problems of
others. It's very hard to keep a place clean in a building full of
cockroaches, where the water and sewerage are sub-standard, and where
one has no transport and the local shops are all charging the highest
prices for soap and washing powder because they cannot compete with the
out of town emporia for their own rent and business rates. It's not use
saying 'get it fixed' when the washer breaks down through old age and
slavery, and one hasn't the available dosh to buy new or reconditioned,
or pay the guy to fix the old one. Add depression to the mix, and it's
no wonder the house is a **** heap and the kids are neglected. And folk
who are brought up in those circumstances can perpetuate them simply
because they know no alternative...

AKK! I need to get off this soap box and punt it into touch! Back to
the sewing room for another round with the bridal hems... I feel so
lucky that DH earns the bread and butter, and I can earn the occasional
bit of cake! And I feel lucky that I CAN donate the unwanted stuff to
others so that they can make good use of items that still have several
miles in them.

Oh, and I hoovered the carpet TWICE this week - but even the Dyson won't
pick up cat whiskers that have woven themselves into the pile! And does
anyone have any tips for removing porridge from fur?
--
Kate XXXXXX R.C.T.Q Madame Chef des Trolls
Lady Catherine, Wardrobe Mistress of the Chocolate Buttons
http://www.katedicey.co.uk
Click on Kate's Pages and explore!

"But had poor Mrs Clueless never TRAINED as a social worker?"

A person can feel "sympathy" for those less fortunate, they can be
trained to deal with behaviors and attitudes - but I honestly do not
believe that you can "train" empathy for people in this situation.

I don't believe people can honestly understand what it is truly like,
unless they have lived it themselves.

I know too many people in this area that think just giving a "hand out"
or writing a check should be all it takes to help the less fortunate.
It's not!

For one thing, when I was in this position, I was at times too proud
and other times too ashamed to accept money from other people. I
wanted to be able to do for myself and provide for my own children
without accepting "charity" from others. I was more than willing to
work and when I was married to the worthless, abusive alcoholic, I
worked three jobs most of the time.

There is an old saying that goes something like, "give me a hand UP,
not a hand OUT" - this is exactly how I felt during those times. I
didn't want to be pitied. I didn't want peoples leftovers. I didn't
want to be treated like I was "less than a person" just because I
didn't have as nice of clothes as they did or because I sewed my kids
clothes. I didn't appreciate being looked down on just because I
worked three jobs and when I was at home, I sat on the floor and played
with my kids instead of volunteering at church or school or making sure
our home was immaculate and kept up with the Jones'es.

No, you can't "train" the understanding and the empathy that comes with
not having. You can't "train" the mindset that goes along with
learning to survive without. You have to live it to believe it.

Tina

I think we can all say we have met college idiots but this pathetic lady
didn't have a degree. She was a political appointee. She didn't last
long. She went on to ... er, bigger and better things ... if you know what
I mean. LOL!! Something more appropriate for her professional wardrobe.

I was in Rural Social Work with families for over 30 years and I never got
used to the "sticky floors" and I will always remember this one mother who
addressed her cockroach problem by lining all her cabinets with that tacky
fly paper. She was so proud when she opened her cabinets and there was
gadzillions of squirming cockroaches stuck to the fly paper. I thought I
would loose it for sure that time and I have a pretty strong stomach. I
kept my face straight (with a lot of effort) and praised her for being
creative and utilitzing available resources to deal with problems like this.
I aught to write a book but no one would believe it. LOL

--
http://community.webshots.com/user/snigdibbly
SNIGDIBBLY
~e~
"
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"Kate Dicey" wrote in message
...
SNIGDIBBLY wrote:

I knew
the difference between Poverty and Neglect. Poor Ms. Clueless is married
to the Chief of Police with her one son and still hasn't a clue about how
the poorest in our community live and survive.


Oh, dear! That did make me giggle! But had poor Mrs Clueless never
TRAINED as a social worker? Did she know nothing of the depths to which
depression can lead? It's an illness. People with depression need help,
sometimes to do the simplest of things (and think about it - bathing kids
ain't simple!). Maybe she should start by talking to the guys who work
for her husband... My Little Sis is an inspector with the Metropolitan
Police over here in London. She makes graveyard jokes about her job, and
what they call 'the sticky carpet brigade' - where you scrape the muck off
your shoes on the way OUT! As she says, sometimes you have to make the
jokes or live there yourself.

Being a member of the BTDT brigade in my own profession (I'm a dyslexic
teacher of English) does give you some insight into the problems of
others. It's very hard to keep a place clean in a building full of
cockroaches, where the water and sewerage are sub-standard, and where one
has no transport and the local shops are all charging the highest prices
for soap and washing powder because they cannot compete with the out of
town emporia for their own rent and business rates. It's not use saying
'get it fixed' when the washer breaks down through old age and slavery,
and one hasn't the available dosh to buy new or reconditioned, or pay the
guy to fix the old one. Add depression to the mix, and it's no wonder the
house is a **** heap and the kids are neglected. And folk who are brought
up in those circumstances can perpetuate them simply because they know no
alternative...

AKK! I need to get off this soap box and punt it into touch! Back to the
sewing room for another round with the bridal hems... I feel so lucky
that DH earns the bread and butter, and I can earn the occasional bit of
cake! And I feel lucky that I CAN donate the unwanted stuff to others so
that they can make good use of items that still have several miles in
them.

Oh, and I hoovered the carpet TWICE this week - but even the Dyson won't
pick up cat whiskers that have woven themselves into the pile! And does
anyone have any tips for removing porridge from fur?
--
Kate XXXXXX R.C.T.Q Madame Chef des Trolls
Lady Catherine, Wardrobe Mistress of the Chocolate Buttons
http://www.katedicey.co.uk
Click on Kate's Pages and explore!

I think you have hit the nail on the head Ms. Tina. I have seen a few poor
little rich kids have moments of epiphany ... rich kids don't often get into
social work.

--
http://community.webshots.com/user/snigdibbly
SNIGDIBBLY
~e~
"
/ \
http://members.ebay.com/aboutme/snigdibbly.
http://www.ebaystores.com/snigdibbly...ox&refid=store
"Tina" wrote in message
oups.com...
"But had poor Mrs Clueless never TRAINED as a social worker?"

A person can feel "sympathy" for those less fortunate, they can be
trained to deal with behaviors and attitudes - but I honestly do not
believe that you can "train" empathy for people in this situation.

I don't believe people can honestly understand what it is truly like,
unless they have lived it themselves.

I know too many people in this area that think just giving a "hand out"
or writing a check should be all it takes to help the less fortunate.
It's not!

For one thing, when I was in this position, I was at times too proud
and other times too ashamed to accept money from other people. I
wanted to be able to do for myself and provide for my own children
without accepting "charity" from others. I was more than willing to
work and when I was married to the worthless, abusive alcoholic, I
worked three jobs most of the time.

There is an old saying that goes something like, "give me a hand UP,
not a hand OUT" - this is exactly how I felt during those times. I
didn't want to be pitied. I didn't want peoples leftovers. I didn't
want to be treated like I was "less than a person" just because I
didn't have as nice of clothes as they did or because I sewed my kids
clothes. I didn't appreciate being looked down on just because I
worked three jobs and when I was at home, I sat on the floor and played
with my kids instead of volunteering at church or school or making sure
our home was immaculate and kept up with the Jones'es.

No, you can't "train" the understanding and the empathy that comes with
not having. You can't "train" the mindset that goes along with
learning to survive without. You have to live it to believe it.

Tina

Well said. REminds me of a story by Isaac Bashevis Singer (can't remember
the title) about the concept of "mitzvah", acts of charity. The person who
performs a mitzvah is obligated to do it in such a way that the recipient
feels he is doing the donor a favor by accepting, so it becomes more of a
fair trade.
Roberta in D

"NightMist" schrieb im Newsbeitrag
...
On Tue, 6 Sep 2005 08:47:30 -0500, "SNIGDIBBLY"
wrote:

For years I was one of
the coordinators for the County Community Share Xmas program where we
accepted donated Xmas gifts and clothing for Foster Kids and poor kids
across the county. I have seen so much waste and abuse. Parents sold the
stuff for drugs and alcohol or just threw it out. I found brand new -
unwrapped toys - in the garbage during home visits. Many parents signed
up
for like programs from every agency in the area and got duplicate food
baskets and toys and sold them or just threw them out. I will never give
a
whole turkey dinner again unless I give a cooked turkey because they would
let it spoil before they would cook it. There just doesn't seem to be any
appreciation for the effort. Most wouldn't even come pick them up and our
social workers would have to deliver them or they wouldn't get to the
children at all. I have become too cynical. But I enjoy the giving so I
do
it with the knowledge that it probably won't be used as I wished it to be.
I just have to let it go and enjoy the giving. Sure makes me made when
people use other people and then abuse their charitible hearts.

Snigs, I am not going to even try to excuse the a***oles of the world,
because there is no excuse for them. There are indeed plenty of them,
on both sides of the giving equation.

It is high time some common sense was thrown into the world of
charitable giving.

Now, so you all know, I give when and what I can when causes come to
my attention. More often though, my family and I are on the other
side. Yes, we are poor. In fact, one of the jokes is we are "p",
'cause we can't afford the rest of the letters. I know that there are
others out there that are much worse off than we are. In fact
sometimes I get ****ed off because I know that there are needier
people living close by and some charity comes knocking at my door
(figuratively and sometimes literally) instead. I usually try to send
them in the right direction, but often they are set on who they are
going to give to.

In my time, we have been gifted with food, clothes, and whatnot, and
most of it was about as useful as tits on a boar hog.

I have never thrown perfectly good things away, I have always tried to
find someone else who needs them, or recycled them into a charitable
organization.

For example, one of the local churches (unasked) once brought us a
turkey dinner for Thanksgiving. Delivered complete with conversion
pitch and admonitions about how we were going to go straight to hell
if we didn't give up sex, drugs, rock and roll, and our obviously
satanic lifestyle. I guess that since we don't have a lot of money
that means we are obviously maniacal drug useing minions of satan.
Well even if we weren't vegetarians I didn't have the equipment to
cook a damn turkey. What the heck was I supposed to do with the thing
even if I planned on eating it? Stick it on a fork and toast it over
a burner? Put it in the oven in a plastic grocery sack? I'm not even
sure it would have fit in my oven. So I gave most of the lot to lady
down the road. Even there I had to call the Salvation Army and beg a
tinfoil roasting pan for her (she didn't have a phone, and was about
as inclined to put her hand out as cut it off). Fortunately they not
only gave her the pan but included a whole roll of tinfoil and
instructions on how to cook the thing, otherwise she had no better
idea of what to do with it than I did.
Yeah, "Aunt Sal-ly" rocks!

Another time a social worker gave me a bag of 8 or 9 brand new dresses
for my then second grader. She thought they would be so cute with
tights and rumba pants. Yeah, right. I have never, nor will I ever
send a 7 year old child out into January in what amounts to a frilly
shirt and stockings. Nor am I inclined to send a 7 year old girl out
in a dress that flashes her bottom regardless, even if I could have
forced her out the door dressed like that. To say nothing of the fact
that I would have had to buy the rumba pants and then a never ending
series of tights. (1)
The dresses when to Aunt Sal-ly.

The number of people who have thought that we would be so grateful to
get their trash that we would come and fetch it is astounding.
Anytime someone says, 'our widget is broken so we got a new one, but
your husband is clever and I am sure he could fix the broken one.
Just come and pick it up anytime between noon and 12:01.' I just
smile, nod, and walk away. I don't have a car and I am not inclined
to walk over to fetch a widget that I have been doing quite well
without, and that probably will never work again anyway.

There have been times that people have offered me large items that we
really did truly need. But we haven't had the means to go fetch them.
That has not been good. Especially when they get all angry because
they know we need the thing. What the heck am I supposed to do? Pull
a carjacking on a moving van?
Remember the thread we had on kitchen stoves not long ago? Just last
month I was darn near to weeping with frustration because my
daughter's landlord offered us an old Chambers gas range in beautiful
condition. He had taken on a partner who owned a second hand
appliance store and was replaceing all the very old appliances in his
apartments with more modern ones. I met this stove, it was beautiful.
One of the ones the gas company gave out decades ago to get people to
switch from wood or coal to gas. But I didn't have the fifty dollars
the partner wanted to shift it, nor could I find anybody to move it
for less. My stove is an apartment sized thing with one working
burner, one sometimes working burner, and no functional pilots so I
have to light the oven from the broiler. I sooo wanted that stove!

I s'pose all I am saying is please please think before you give, and
think before you condem. That social worker with the dresses gave us
no end of grief about DD not wearing them, and other people have gone
all superior, taking a "see what happens when you try to do good"
attitude when we have not been all happy to recieve useless stuff or
able to fetch things we actually needed.

If you give a box of tuna helper to the food pantry, please give a
couple of cans of tuna with it.
Don't assume people will be happy to haul your junk for free just
because they are poor.
Please don't offer people things without a thought for how they will
get them home. That is just cruel, especially if it is something they
need.
Don't assume that just because they are poor children will be happy
with any old thing you want to give them. No ten year old will be
happy with a toy meant for a toddler, regardless.
Don't assume that everyone knows how to alter clothes that don't fit.
Don't get all offended if they do alter clothes that don't fit.
Most poor people do not need cable converters, entertainment centers,
knick knacks, table linens, or cordless phones. I have been offered
all of the above and turned down all but the linens, they were real
linen and made some mighty fine shirts, but most people wouldn't know
to do that with them. The lady with the cable converter was astounded
that I didn't accept it and run right out to get cable.
Please! Please! Please! Do not patronize or proselytize. Poor
people have as much pride as anyone else. Being given a sermon along
with food is something that you can expect at a mission, but not in
your own home or at a secular help agency.

It is wonderful to try and help the less fortunate.
It is not wonderful to expect them to fall down and praise you for it.
It is not wonderful to get all huffy when things you give do not get
used as you anticipated.

NightMist
We are doing a whole lot better than we used to.

(1) This was a worker who was offended for my child because this
child was going to school in hand sewn and made over clothes, of which
DD had plenty.

--
"To repeat what others have said, requires education; to challenge
it, requires brains." -Mary Pettibone Poole

Drug addiction is a real problem in our rural communities and unfortunately
our caseloads used to include a lot of those. Being self employed means
meth labs in the shed out back for many in our community. Due to the recent
growth, we are seeing less and less as we become more and more urban. In
the area where I used to do most of my casework they are building a high
end, 25 story Condominum - at the cost of over $100 million. You have to
have a 7 figure income to be even considered for residency. All the old
Warhorse Social Workers laugh up our sleeves about millionaires living in
the Avoca, Prairie Creek and Eagle Point area. Rampant incest, neglect,
lack of education, generational welfare and home made methamphetemine is
being replaced with high end condos. Now that's progress!!

--
http://community.webshots.com/user/snigdibbly
SNIGDIBBLY
~e~
"
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"Roberta Zollner" wrote in message
...
Well said. REminds me of a story by Isaac Bashevis Singer (can't remember
the title) about the concept of "mitzvah", acts of charity. The person who
performs a mitzvah is obligated to do it in such a way that the recipient
feels he is doing the donor a favor by accepting, so it becomes more of a
fair trade.
Roberta in D

"NightMist" schrieb im Newsbeitrag
...
On Tue, 6 Sep 2005 08:47:30 -0500, "SNIGDIBBLY"
wrote:

For years I was one of
the coordinators for the County Community Share Xmas program where we
accepted donated Xmas gifts and clothing for Foster Kids and poor kids
across the county. I have seen so much waste and abuse. Parents sold
the
stuff for drugs and alcohol or just threw it out. I found brand new -
unwrapped toys - in the garbage during home visits. Many parents signed
up
for like programs from every agency in the area and got duplicate food
baskets and toys and sold them or just threw them out. I will never give
a
whole turkey dinner again unless I give a cooked turkey because they
would
let it spoil before they would cook it. There just doesn't seem to be
any
appreciation for the effort. Most wouldn't even come pick them up and
our
social workers would have to deliver them or they wouldn't get to the
children at all. I have become too cynical. But I enjoy the giving so I
do
it with the knowledge that it probably won't be used as I wished it to
be.
I just have to let it go and enjoy the giving. Sure makes me made when
people use other people and then abuse their charitible hearts.

Snigs, I am not going to even try to excuse the a***oles of the world,
because there is no excuse for them. There are indeed plenty of them,
on both sides of the giving equation.

It is high time some common sense was thrown into the world of
charitable giving.

Now, so you all know, I give when and what I can when causes come to
my attention. More often though, my family and I are on the other
side. Yes, we are poor. In fact, one of the jokes is we are "p",
'cause we can't afford the rest of the letters. I know that there are
others out there that are much worse off than we are. In fact
sometimes I get ****ed off because I know that there are needier
people living close by and some charity comes knocking at my door
(figuratively and sometimes literally) instead. I usually try to send
them in the right direction, but often they are set on who they are
going to give to.

In my time, we have been gifted with food, clothes, and whatnot, and
most of it was about as useful as tits on a boar hog.

I have never thrown perfectly good things away, I have always tried to
find someone else who needs them, or recycled them into a charitable
organization.

For example, one of the local churches (unasked) once brought us a
turkey dinner for Thanksgiving. Delivered complete with conversion
pitch and admonitions about how we were going to go straight to hell
if we didn't give up sex, drugs, rock and roll, and our obviously
satanic lifestyle. I guess that since we don't have a lot of money
that means we are obviously maniacal drug useing minions of satan.
Well even if we weren't vegetarians I didn't have the equipment to
cook a damn turkey. What the heck was I supposed to do with the thing
even if I planned on eating it? Stick it on a fork and toast it over
a burner? Put it in the oven in a plastic grocery sack? I'm not even
sure it would have fit in my oven. So I gave most of the lot to lady
down the road. Even there I had to call the Salvation Army and beg a
tinfoil roasting pan for her (she didn't have a phone, and was about
as inclined to put her hand out as cut it off). Fortunately they not
only gave her the pan but included a whole roll of tinfoil and
instructions on how to cook the thing, otherwise she had no better
idea of what to do with it than I did.
Yeah, "Aunt Sal-ly" rocks!

Another time a social worker gave me a bag of 8 or 9 brand new dresses
for my then second grader. She thought they would be so cute with
tights and rumba pants. Yeah, right. I have never, nor will I ever
send a 7 year old child out into January in what amounts to a frilly
shirt and stockings. Nor am I inclined to send a 7 year old girl out
in a dress that flashes her bottom regardless, even if I could have
forced her out the door dressed like that. To say nothing of the fact
that I would have had to buy the rumba pants and then a never ending
series of tights. (1)
The dresses when to Aunt Sal-ly.

The number of people who have thought that we would be so grateful to
get their trash that we would come and fetch it is astounding.
Anytime someone says, 'our widget is broken so we got a new one, but
your husband is clever and I am sure he could fix the broken one.
Just come and pick it up anytime between noon and 12:01.' I just
smile, nod, and walk away. I don't have a car and I am not inclined
to walk over to fetch a widget that I have been doing quite well
without, and that probably will never work again anyway.

There have been times that people have offered me large items that we
really did truly need. But we haven't had the means to go fetch them.
That has not been good. Especially when they get all angry because
they know we need the thing. What the heck am I supposed to do? Pull
a carjacking on a moving van?
Remember the thread we had on kitchen stoves not long ago? Just last
month I was darn near to weeping with frustration because my
daughter's landlord offered us an old Chambers gas range in beautiful
condition. He had taken on a partner who owned a second hand
appliance store and was replaceing all the very old appliances in his
apartments with more modern ones. I met this stove, it was beautiful.
One of the ones the gas company gave out decades ago to get people to
switch from wood or coal to gas. But I didn't have the fifty dollars
the partner wanted to shift it, nor could I find anybody to move it
for less. My stove is an apartment sized thing with one working
burner, one sometimes working burner, and no functional pilots so I
have to light the oven from the broiler. I sooo wanted that stove!

I s'pose all I am saying is please please think before you give, and
think before you condem. That social worker with the dresses gave us
no end of grief about DD not wearing them, and other people have gone
all superior, taking a "see what happens when you try to do good"
attitude when we have not been all happy to recieve useless stuff or
able to fetch things we actually needed.

If you give a box of tuna helper to the food pantry, please give a
couple of cans of tuna with it.
Don't assume people will be happy to haul your junk for free just
because they are poor.
Please don't offer people things without a thought for how they will
get them home. That is just cruel, especially if it is something they
need.
Don't assume that just because they are poor children will be happy
with any old thing you want to give them. No ten year old will be
happy with a toy meant for a toddler, regardless.
Don't assume that everyone knows how to alter clothes that don't fit.
Don't get all offended if they do alter clothes that don't fit.
Most poor people do not need cable converters, entertainment centers,
knick knacks, table linens, or cordless phones. I have been offered
all of the above and turned down all but the linens, they were real
linen and made some mighty fine shirts, but most people wouldn't know
to do that with them. The lady with the cable converter was astounded
that I didn't accept it and run right out to get cable.
Please! Please! Please! Do not patronize or proselytize. Poor
people have as much pride as anyone else. Being given a sermon along
with food is something that you can expect at a mission, but not in
your own home or at a secular help agency.

It is wonderful to try and help the less fortunate.
It is not wonderful to expect them to fall down and praise you for it.
It is not wonderful to get all huffy when things you give do not get
used as you anticipated.

NightMist
We are doing a whole lot better than we used to.

(1) This was a worker who was offended for my child because this
child was going to school in hand sewn and made over clothes, of which
DD had plenty.

--
"To repeat what others have said, requires education; to challenge
it, requires brains." -Mary Pettibone Poole

In article ,
(NightMist) wrote:

I have never thrown perfectly good things away, I have always tried to
find someone else who needs them, or recycled them into a charitable
organization.

For example, one of the local churches (unasked) once brought us a
turkey dinner

snip

The number of people who have thought that we would be so grateful to
get their trash that we would come and fetch it is astounding.
Anytime someone says, 'our widget is broken so we got a new one, but
your husband is clever and I am sure he could fix the broken one.
Just come and pick it up anytime between noon and 12:01.' I just
smile, nod, and walk away. I don't have a car and I am not inclined
to walk over to fetch a widget that I have been doing quite well
without, and that probably will never work again anyway.

There have been times that people have offered me large items that we
really did truly need. But we haven't had the means to go fetch them.
That has not been good.

Well said, Nightmist! I spent 12 years volunteering in a non-profit's
thrift store. The dirty and broken stuff people gave us was shocking.
The charity has no truck, and must hire someone to pick up donations,
since many people can't deliver large items. I've gone out to look at
something a donor wanted us to have; declined a mattress that was torn
and stained, because 'we can't sell it. Our customers won't buy torn or
stained items, and we then have to pay to have it hauled away.' The
donor was quite indignant, and 'well, what am I supposed to do with it?'
And the clock radios that 'work, except for the alarm function.' Grrr.
OTOH, that same charity has a group of elderly ladies (one over 90)
who come in two mornings a week to cut rags from the unsalable clothing.
They have regular customers for specialized rags. Now if I am discarding
worn-out clothing I label the bag as rags and give it to them anyway.
Lee