OT bed sharing and tiredness

I could really use the wisdom of some of you ladies who've been married
an awful lot longer than me.

After I had the hip surgery, DH moved a mattress into our room for him
to sleep on, he finally came back into our bed last night. I didn't feel
like I slept any worse, or woke up any earlier, but it was obvious in
the morning that I hadn't had a refreshing nights sleep. Reflecting more
on this, I realise that though I've been tired since the surgery, it's
only been hitting me when you'd expect, after I've been active, compared
to before the surgery, I was just tired!

We've been married 5 years, we have a queen size bed that we bought
then. The mattress is pocked sprung and it's fairly firm, with a soft
top layer, so it gives but doesn't flop! One thing I've heard that can
be a problem is when one of you is a lot bigger than the other, I don't
have an accurate weight for either of us, but he must be about 30%
heavier than me.

If we thought it would help, we'd definitely get a new bed, but we've no
idea what to choose, what kind of mattresses might give us the same soft
but supportive feel, but also minimise his movements affecting me -
this is my best guess at what's happening, that his movements mean I
don't get into the deep restful phases of sleep, or don't stay in them
as long.

We would have room for a bigger bed in our room, if we thought that
would help. I don't know if what I know as an Austrian twin is available
in the US, they are two single mattresses on a double bed frame.

I would welcome any ideas.

cheers
Anne

What you described is our king-sized bed- the standard king is almost square
and the California king is a bit longer and a bit narrower than the standard
king. I can't remember which one is being phased out, but fitted sheets
will become more difficult to find as they are phased out The king-sized
foundation is in two twin sized pieces and the top mattress is just one big
mattress. They are a stinker to turn and flip! I do not like the
mattresses with the topper built in. I found they very quickly got
impressions from laying in mostly one place after a year or so. Now they
have some that you can fluff, but I wouldn't buy one again. But then I
never bought a really expensive mattress, so they may be different.

I hate to say it but I always sleep better by myself. I love the comfy,
cozy security of sleeping with my husband (when I had one!) but I never
slept as well as by myself.

As far as mattresses go all you can do is try them out in the store- what
works for one person is dreadful for another. And that's sure not a good
way to choose one, but it's all anybody has.... unless you find a great one
in a hotel and can buy one just like it. But I found a hotel mattress I
loved after one night on it and then found out that model was ONLY sold to
hotels. What a disappointment! Good luck!

Leslie, Missy &The Furbabies in MO.

"Anne Rogers" wrote in message
. ..
I could really use the wisdom of some of you ladies who've been married an
awful lot longer than me.

After I had the hip surgery, DH moved a mattress into our room for him to
sleep on, he finally came back into our bed last night. I didn't feel like
I slept any worse, or woke up any earlier, but it was obvious in the
morning that I hadn't had a refreshing nights sleep. Reflecting more on
this, I realise that though I've been tired since the surgery, it's only
been hitting me when you'd expect, after I've been active, compared to
before the surgery, I was just tired!

We've been married 5 years, we have a queen size bed that we bought then.
The mattress is pocked sprung and it's fairly firm, with a soft top layer,
so it gives but doesn't flop! One thing I've heard that can be a problem
is when one of you is a lot bigger than the other, I don't have an
accurate weight for either of us, but he must be about 30% heavier than
me.

If we thought it would help, we'd definitely get a new bed, but we've no
idea what to choose, what kind of mattresses might give us the same soft
but supportive feel, but also minimise his movements affecting me - this
is my best guess at what's happening, that his movements mean I don't get
into the deep restful phases of sleep, or don't stay in them as long.

We would have room for a bigger bed in our room, if we thought that would
help. I don't know if what I know as an Austrian twin is available in the
US, they are two single mattresses on a double bed frame.

I would welcome any ideas.

cheers
Anne

In article ,
"Leslie & The Furbabies in MO." wrote:

I hate to say it but I always sleep better by myself. I love the comfy,
cozy security of sleeping with my husband (when I had one!) but I never
slept as well as by myself.


Leslie, I agree with you. I love DH, but I sleep *so* much better alone.
G I can't imagine how difficult it must have been for our ancestors in
the tiny beds they shared with their spouses. Our bed here is a
queen-sized one, and I never thought I'd want something larger, but a
king-sized bed sounds heavenly these days. Too bad there isn't room. G

--
Sandy in Henderson, near Las Vegas
sw.foster1 (at) gmail (dot) com (remove/change the obvious)
http://www.sandymike.net

What you describe is, in the US, a King size bed. We have had one more than
20 years, up graded to a better mattress about 10 years ago. DH went to
work at 3:15 AM and myself at 6:30. We do not disturb each other with this
big of a bed! However, when he is sick with breathing problems, I always
know when he gets up to sleep in his recliner chair. But even with this
King bed, I am sometimes tired after I wake up, and end up taking a nap
sometime during the day. (We are both retired now.) We have a full size
bed in another room and I sometimes end up sleeping in there by myself.
HTH Barbara in FL

"Leslie & The Furbabies in MO." wrote in message
...

I hate to say it but I always sleep better by myself. I love the comfy,
cozy security of sleeping with my husband (when I had one!) but I never
slept as well as by myself.

Leslie, Missy &The Furbabies in MO.

Same here ... I know this sounds strange (and probably dysfunctional) but I
sleep best in my big, cozy, over-stuffed chair in the living room than in
our bed. It drives hubby *crazy* - and he has a hard time sleeping without
me. But for me, I sleep so much better alone!!

Hugs!!
Connie

I love to sleep with my husband. He is warm and cuddly and I can put
my hand out in the dark and feel his comforting form.

That said, I sleep so much better when I am alone in the bed.
Sometimes I have to get up and go to the sofa, or just not sleep,
because he is restless or wants to snuggle when I havea lot of pain.

I suspect we all sleep best and deepest when alone. Shared sleep is
good, but with plenty of space between the sharers.

Sunny

Anne,
I have a Tempurpedic mattress, actually two extra-long twins pushed together
to form a king-size bed. We bought this bed when my husband was ill and
required a hospital bed. I couldn't stand the thought of him being in such
an uncomfortable hospital bed so we bought this. It is totally adjustable,
the head and foot both adjust with the touch of a button and it even
vibrates if you want. I've had total hip replacement surgery in December
'06 and neck surgery to fuse some disks in Aug '07. This bed has been
wonderful! The mattress is firm, yet molds to your body and produces NO
pressure points. Also the mattress doesn't move when one person moves, so
all the tossing and turning your husband could do, will not bother you.
Mine is the top of the line, but you can get the mattress without the
adjustable bed.
I hope you feel better soon!
Michelle

"Anne Rogers" wrote in message
. ..
I could really use the wisdom of some of you ladies who've been married an
awful lot longer than me.

After I had the hip surgery, DH moved a mattress into our room for him to
sleep on, he finally came back into our bed last night. I didn't feel like
I slept any worse, or woke up any earlier, but it was obvious in the
morning that I hadn't had a refreshing nights sleep. Reflecting more on
this, I realise that though I've been tired since the surgery, it's only
been hitting me when you'd expect, after I've been active, compared to
before the surgery, I was just tired!

We've been married 5 years, we have a queen size bed that we bought then.
The mattress is pocked sprung and it's fairly firm, with a soft top layer,
so it gives but doesn't flop! One thing I've heard that can be a problem
is when one of you is a lot bigger than the other, I don't have an
accurate weight for either of us, but he must be about 30% heavier than
me.

If we thought it would help, we'd definitely get a new bed, but we've no
idea what to choose, what kind of mattresses might give us the same soft
but supportive feel, but also minimise his movements affecting me - this
is my best guess at what's happening, that his movements mean I don't get
into the deep restful phases of sleep, or don't stay in them as long.

We would have room for a bigger bed in our room, if we thought that would
help. I don't know if what I know as an Austrian twin is available in the
US, they are two single mattresses on a double bed frame.

I would welcome any ideas.

cheers
Anne

On Wed, 28 Nov 2007 15:28:32 -0800, Anne Rogers wrote:

Anne, the last time I had surgery DH couldn't sleep with me either and
I became accustomed to sleeping alone. When DH started sleeping with
me again it was hard to get used to his presence and the first few
nights I had very little sleep. You could be going through that, so
don't jump to the conclusion that you need to change your bed right
now. Give it a few more nights. Your tiredness before surgery could
well have been because you needed the surgery, or just needed some
time away from work (we ladies are often very overworked people and
rarely give ourselves enough hours to simply rest or sleep and that
leads to constant fatigue).

If after a few days you do decide you really need a change:

I know several couples who have elected to have separate beds because
they can't agree on one perfect bed or they have vastly differing
sleep schedules due to their work hours or one of them snores
tremendously loudly. They are proof that marriages don't end if the
couple doesn't sleep in the same bed. Only the people in the
household would ever know you two sleep in separate beds, and frankly
if it works for you no one else should care.

If you want to sleep together you can buy 2 complete twin beds with
metal frames/feet and one king sized head board, or twin mattresses
and one Scandinavian type platform for a king size bed. Either way,
using a queen or king fitted sheet (I can't remember which works)
over both mattresses should keep the two together so no one falls into
any gap that might otherwise form between the two mattresses.


Debra in VA
See my quilts at
http://community.webshots.com/user/debplayshere

On Wed, 28 Nov 2007 20:24:13 -0600, "Michelle"
wrote:

Anne,
I have a Tempurpedic mattress, actually two extra-long twins pushed together
to form a king-size bed. We bought this bed when my husband was ill and
required a hospital bed. I couldn't stand the thought of him being in such
an uncomfortable hospital bed so we bought this. It is totally adjustable,
the head and foot both adjust with the touch of a button and it even
vibrates if you want. I've had total hip replacement surgery in December
'06 and neck surgery to fuse some disks in Aug '07. This bed has been
wonderful! The mattress is firm, yet molds to your body and produces NO
pressure points. Also the mattress doesn't move when one person moves, so
all the tossing and turning your husband could do, will not bother you.
Mine is the top of the line, but you can get the mattress without the
adjustable bed.
I hope you feel better soon!
Michelle

Those mattresses are a love them or hate them kind of bed. I have
lain on a Temperpedic bed and instantly hated it. I felt the mattress
foam slowly and sneakily closing in around me, like it was gripping me
so I couldn't escape. I will lay on cold wet dirty concrete floor
before I ever lay on that brand of mattress again.

DH dearly loved it when he tried it out, but we will be sleeping in
separate beds if he insists on buying one.
Debra in VA
See my quilts at
http://community.webshots.com/user/debplayshere

Anne Rogers wrote:
I could really use the wisdom of some of you ladies who've been married
an awful lot longer than me.

After I had the hip surgery, DH moved a mattress into our room for him
to sleep on, he finally came back into our bed last night. I didn't feel
like I slept any worse, or woke up any earlier, but it was obvious in
the morning that I hadn't had a refreshing nights sleep. Reflecting more
on this, I realise that though I've been tired since the surgery, it's
only been hitting me when you'd expect, after I've been active, compared
to before the surgery, I was just tired!

We've been married 5 years, we have a queen size bed that we bought
then. The mattress is pocked sprung and it's fairly firm, with a soft
top layer, so it gives but doesn't flop! One thing I've heard that can
be a problem is when one of you is a lot bigger than the other, I don't
have an accurate weight for either of us, but he must be about 30%
heavier than me.

If we thought it would help, we'd definitely get a new bed, but we've no
idea what to choose, what kind of mattresses might give us the same soft
but supportive feel, but also minimise his movements affecting me -
this is my best guess at what's happening, that his movements mean I
don't get into the deep restful phases of sleep, or don't stay in them
as long.

We would have room for a bigger bed in our room, if we thought that
would help. I don't know if what I know as an Austrian twin is available
in the US, they are two single mattresses on a double bed frame.

I would welcome any ideas.

cheers
Anne

Personally, I'd give it more time! You need a week or so to get used to
being back together, and there may be no physical reason for this: you
may just be conscious that he is there and therefore not sleeping so
deeply as usual. Give it a week and see how things settle before you
decide to spend money you may not need to.

I'm sure one of the reasons my fibro has been so mad this year is
disrupted sleep: DH spends half the week away, so I don't get used to
him being gone before he's back, and I don't get used to him being back
before he's gone again! BUT I do sleep better when he's there, so...

--
Kate XXXXXX R.C.T.Q Madame Chef des Trolls
Lady Catherine, Wardrobe Mistress of the Chocolate Buttons
http://www.katedicey.co.uk
Click on Kate's Pages and explore!