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OT Truths for Mature Humans- humor



 
 
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  #1  
Old September 14th 10, 05:54 PM posted to rec.crafts.textiles.quilting
Leslie& The Furbabies in MO.
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Posts: 612
Default OT Truths for Mature Humans- humor

Truths For Mature Humans


1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately
clear your computer history if you die.


2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you
realize you're wrong.


3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I
was younger.


4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.


5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?


6. Was learning cursive really necessary?


7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm
pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.


8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how
the person died.


9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.



10. Bad decisions make good stories.



11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at
work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive
for the rest of the day.



12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I
don't want to have to restart my collection...again.



13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks
me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that
swear I did not make any changes to.



14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not
to answer when they call.



15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.



16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.



17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.



18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and
hunger.



19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just
nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they
said?



20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team
up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong,
brothers and sisters!



21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get
dirty, and you can wear them forever.



22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still
not know what time it is.



23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car
keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on
the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button
from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every
time!



24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in hockey in 1874
and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100
years for men to realize that their brain is also important.


OK, Ladies.....Quit Laughing.
Ads
  #2  
Old September 14th 10, 08:58 PM posted to rec.crafts.textiles.quilting
AuntK
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Posts: 421
Default OT Truths for Mature Humans- humor

On Sep 14, 12:54*pm, "Leslie& The Furbabies in MO."
wrote:
*Truths For Mature Humans

* 1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately
clear your computer history if you die.

* 2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you
realize you're wrong.

* 3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I
was younger.

* 4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

* 5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

* 6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

* 7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm
pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

* 8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how
the person died.

* 9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at
work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive
for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? *I
don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks
me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that
swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not
to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. *I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and
hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just
nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they
said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team
up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong,
brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get
dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still
not know what time it is.

23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car
keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on
the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button
from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every
time!

24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in hockey in 1874
and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100
years for men to realize that their brain is also important. * * * *

OK, Ladies.....Quit Laughing.


My personal favorites are #19 and #24.

Kim in NJ
  #3  
Old September 14th 10, 09:03 PM posted to rec.crafts.textiles.quilting
Rita L. in MA[_2_]
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Posts: 72
Default OT Truths for Mature Humans- humor

Polly Esther wrote:
I can answer #5. Fitted sheets do not have to be folded. You just mush
them into a reasonably flat hunk, wrap it firmly with the flat sheet and
pillowcases and move on to something important. Some things are Not
worth doing right. Don't tell Momma. Polly


Alternative answer to #5: I restrict myself to one set of sheets.
Strip, wash and dry all in the same day. No folding of the fitted sheet
necessary. Flat sheet is folded only enough to provide a centering
line. Fast and easy.

Rita - being lazy works for me :-)

--
Rita L. in MA One Eyed Mutant Ninja Quilter :-)
  #4  
Old September 14th 10, 09:29 PM posted to rec.crafts.textiles.quilting
Nancy2
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Posts: 17
Default OT Truths for Mature Humans- humor

On Sep 14, 2:17*pm, "Polly Esther" wrote:
I can answer #5. *Fitted sheets do not have to be folded. *You just mush
them into a reasonably flat hunk, wrap it firmly with the flat sheet and
pillowcases and move on to something important. *Some things are Not worth
doing right. *Don't tell Momma. *Polly


*5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?


Martha can show you how to fold fitted sheets. ;-) I never have any
trouble folding them. You just have to make a fold out of the width
taken up by the corners....


*6. Was learning cursive really necessary?


*7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm
pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.


Amen.


13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks
me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that
swear I did not make any changes to.


Isn't that annoying? I hate Word.


N.
  #5  
Old September 14th 10, 09:45 PM posted to rec.crafts.textiles.quilting
J*[_4_]
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 18
Default OT Truths for Mature Humans- humor

i'll try to read thru the rest later when i'm fully awake.
i got to #8.
sometimes the newspaper is forbidden by law to say what the cause of death
was.
j.


"Leslie& The Furbabies in MO." wrote ...
Truths For Mature Humans

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately
clear your computer history if you die.


2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you
realize you're wrong.


3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I
was younger.


4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.


5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?


6. Was learning cursive really necessary?


7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm
pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.


8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how
the person died.


9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.



10. Bad decisions make good stories.



11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at
work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive
for the rest of the day.



12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I
don't want to have to restart my collection...again.



13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks
me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that
swear I did not make any changes to.



14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not
to answer when they call.



15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.



16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.



17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.



18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and
hunger.



19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just
nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they
said?



20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team
up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong,
brothers and sisters!



21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get
dirty, and you can wear them forever.



22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still
not know what time it is.



23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car
keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on
the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button
from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every
time!



24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in hockey in 1874
and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100
years for men to realize that their brain is also important.


OK, Ladies.....Quit Laughing.


  #6  
Old September 15th 10, 02:59 AM posted to rec.crafts.textiles.quilting
Julia in MN[_5_]
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 760
Default OT Truths for Mature Humans- humor

No folding needed if you take it from the dryer or the line and put it
right back on the bed...

Julia in MN

On 9/14/2010 2:17 PM, Polly Esther wrote:
I can answer #5. Fitted sheets do not have to be folded. You just mush
them into a reasonably flat hunk, wrap it firmly with the flat sheet and
pillowcases and move on to something important. Some things are Not
worth doing right. Don't tell Momma. Polly

"Leslie& The Furbabies in MO." wrote in message
...
Truths For Mature Humans


1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately
clear your computer history if you die.


2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you
realize you're wrong.


3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I
was younger.


4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.


5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?


6. Was learning cursive really necessary?


7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm
pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.


8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how
the person died.


9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.



10. Bad decisions make good stories.



11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at
work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything
productive for the rest of the day.



12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I
don't want to have to restart my collection...again.



13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks
me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that
swear I did not make any changes to.



14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not
to answer when they call.



15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.



16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.



17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.



18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and
hunger.



19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just
nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they
said?



20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team
up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong,
brothers and sisters!



21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get
dirty, and you can wear them forever.



22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still
not know what time it is.



23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car
keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on
the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button
from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every
time!



24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in hockey in 1874
and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100
years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

OK, Ladies.....Quit Laughing.




--
-----------
This message has been scanned for viruses by Norton Anti-Virus
http://webpages.charter.net/jaccola/default.html
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  #7  
Old September 15th 10, 03:30 AM posted to rec.crafts.textiles.quilting
Kiteflyer[_3_]
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Posts: 5
Default OT Truths for Mature Humans- humor

That's what I do. LOL

On 9/14/2010 9:59 PM, Julia in MN wrote:
No folding needed if you take it from the dryer or the line and put it
right back on the bed...

Julia in MN

On 9/14/2010 2:17 PM, Polly Esther wrote:
I can answer #5. Fitted sheets do not have to be folded. You just mush
them into a reasonably flat hunk, wrap it firmly with the flat sheet and
pillowcases and move on to something important. Some things are Not



--
Denny in Fort Wayne
http://community.webshots.com/user/kiteflyer54


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  #8  
Old September 15th 10, 05:01 AM posted to rec.crafts.textiles.quilting
Sunny[_2_]
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Posts: 1,453
Default OT Truths for Mature Humans- humor

Can't remember the last time I folded sheets, or wrote in classic
cursive, which isn't being taught in school anymore because somebody
caught on that it really isn't necessary.

#24 -- I have two sons and a husband. Nothing else needs to be said.

#1 goes without saying.

#14 is the most lovely bit of painful truth I've ever seen written.

The rest, I laughed until I couldn't remember who actually posted the
thread. I read the one about looking at your watch. And then read it
again. Then I looked at the top of the thread and still forgot by the
time I scrolled back down here who started the thread. Whoever you
are, thanks very much. This is fun.

Sunny
still snickering madly
  #9  
Old September 15th 10, 05:34 AM posted to rec.crafts.textiles.quilting
Polly Esther[_5_]
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Posts: 3,814
Default OT Truths for Mature Humans- humor

Can we talk about #17? We can't always travel with Clint Eastwood wanting
someone to 'make his day'. The nearest town has been having murder trials
for the last 2 years because someone going to a grandson's football game
stopped to ask for directions. NOBODY local would have stopped in that
area. The Google maps also need to include sensible warnings like 'arrive
before dark' and 'wait for escort before leaving vehicle'. Especially here
in the Swamp. Polly
17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.


  #10  
Old September 15th 10, 01:14 PM posted to rec.crafts.textiles.quilting
Dr. Zachary Smith
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Posts: 708
Default OT Truths for Mature Humans- humor

Nice list.

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?


Yes. It's the best way to express oneself after hitting your thumb
with a hammer (or stitching oneself to a quilt).

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at
work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive
for the rest of the day.


If/when it comes at breakfast, do you still have to go?

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I
don't want to have to restart my collection...again.


Kay: "This is gonna replace CD's soon; guess I'll have to buy the
White Album again..."

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just
nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they
said?


What?

OK, Ladies.....


I'll ignore that.

Doc


On Sep 14, 12:54*pm, "Leslie& The Furbabies in MO."
wrote:
*Truths For Mature Humans

 




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